my story

oarivan · Oct 11, 2009

Hi, I'm gonna rant on for a bit. Really need to let things out.

I got in a relationship online a few months ago. It was completely by accident. I met this girl online, we started talking and she told me she liked me. She has a boyfriend but she felt it was gonna end so we started to have this quasi-online relationship. She told me she'd break it off with him and after a few months of well, heaven her boyfriend came back to live with her and she ended it with me. One offline message saying she can't do it. I loved her. We were arranging a meetup. We were hopelessley in love and in one day, with one message she ended it. I tried callign her. I know it was stupid but I needed closure. She told me bluntly that she can't be with me and I havent spoken to her since. It kills me everytime I think of her. I would literally have done anything to be with her. I understand it happens and there's nothing I can do but I miss her liek hell. I have this empty void in my life right now, filled with crappy television shows and hours of college work. I don't have any friends to keep me company and I dont really do well in the whole dating scene so I'm all alone now, practically crying right now as I think of her.

Guess that was my rant for today

Brian · Oct 11, 2009

Hey oarivan,

I got in a similar stick a few years back. I met her through an online game, talked for hours, head over heels etc. Really great girl. Smart, beautiful. Sensible. We actually did meet, and ironically that's when the illusion sort of shattered. We'd talked about so much online that we sort of had nothing left to form any actual, tangible chemistry with each other in the real world. Both being shy didn't help. It was a miserable, silent two days of awkwardly roaming about the convention we were attending together.

The problem I think with a lot of online relationships is that they are easy to form because of the relative anonymity and transience of the internet experience. It's easier for a lot of us to make that connection to each other and also to sometimes make assumptions about one another to fill in the gaps...but when real life comes knocking, that feeling is more easily replaced with something 'here and now', and everything is up in smoke even if maybe things could've worked really well with a bit of dedication.

I still get really sad over it sometimes. Rarely do I get the chest-crushing despair like I used to, but I still carry regrets.

My advice is to go through the grieving, then try your best to bury your head in whatever work you can. Your college courses, a job, some new hobbies or adventures. You eventually need to be able to fill your time with other things to move on...or at least it helped me, some, after a good long bout of depression. For a good two years at least I wasn't in very good shape.

I do horribly in the realm of dating. The kicker wasn't really the loss itself. I think the kicker is that feeling that you've found the one person in the world who you click with and who really likes you and 'gets' you, and then the next thing you know it's three years later and you're on her myspace looking at pictures of her and the guy she's been with for two years now touring Europe.

oarivan · Oct 11, 2009

I suppose I'm scared that my distress might continue for 2 years. I hear ya on your last paragraph. Going through facebook pics and seeing what you could have but do not, thats torture, absolute torture. (That's why I blocked facebook on my computer

) All i can do now is try to move on but I wish she'd speak to me like we used, as friends at the very least. I suppose I'm deluding myself into thinking being friends will be less painful.

Depressedology · Oct 11, 2009

oarivan, when you get heartbroken, you should recover from it and not let it go on.
yes, You can put in a relationship more than it gives back to you, expecting it to give back and feel its work one day. But if it didn't, then don't put more, don't get more heartbroken. it's like you're trying to cover a hole that seems endless and not going to be filled one day. spare

evanescencefan91 · Oct 11, 2009

ah amn that sucks oarvian

it will take time, but eventually you will start to fill better,

try getting into hobbies more, just find someething to do to keep yourself busy,

next time although of course you just want to jump into a relationship wwith the other person,

don't do this until her other boyfrieend or whatever commitment is complely broken out and out of the way

better luk next time

*hugs oarivan*

MountainTop · Oct 13, 2009

Ouch man. that suck. look at the bright side though, you obvioulsy posses something attractive so some women out there. It means there's hope. good luck.