New relationship, but i'm so insecure...

[vansxious]

Hey everybody,

So, turns out that on the last few years i'm having a problem with relationships. I'm so much insecure about them. When i start a new one, i'm always thinking that it won't work... And even when it does, i'm always thinking that for some reason she will end everything, eventually... I know it's ********, but unfortunately it's the way i am. I've always had some girl around, but this feeling always ketp me away of assuming a full relationship with any of them. There is always this kind of fear of rejection, and i am living almost constantly with my heart on my hands. But...

...i'm tired of this, and i said to myself i would really try to make things work with the next girl that i would get in a relationship with. And that girl already appeared, and truth is, we are togheter just for a couple of weeks (well, 3, almost 4), not in a full assumed relationship yet, but things are going well... or so i think so.

The thing that i hate the most on this is when my insecurity kicks in. Example? On the last week we were togheter almost every day. Sometimes for a couple of hours, other times just for a quick kiss in the end of the day. All good, but we are not togheter since last friday (only 4 days passed until now, i know), and it seems she didn't try that much to find a way for her to be with me. My insecurity is starting making me shake and feel that something is wrong, but is ********, right? She's been texting me (briefly, though) troughout the day, she even called me yesterday just to talk a little bit. And today, when she learned that i was all day with the mood "under the wheater" (not because of her, it was just a bad day) she kept texting me until i felt better, and even call me again to talk. So... everything must be alright, no?

I'm trying my best to make everything work, i'm trying hard not to mess things up with my insecurity. I've learned that shes not a fan of "honey covered" words, so i'm trying not to sound desperate (as for example, texting things like "i like you, i miss you, i want to be with you"... things like that) but it's getting hard. When this all started i was in complete control of the situation, but now i'm not sure.

The only thing i'm sure is that i like her. And i'm afraid i won't cope with the relationship... again.

All the best,

 

[Lonesome Crow]

We all have fears. It manifest itself in many forms.
Combine with negative self talk. Its like a cycle that feeds on itself.

It's just your habitual thinking pattern.

It'll take a lttle effort on your part to change your habits or train of thoughts.

You can simply drop it and dont figure it out anymore.
Wheather the feelings or the thought comes first. The chicken or the eggs...it dosnt matter.
Simply drop it...dont figure out. When those negative thoughts and feelings arrise again.
Drop it and dont figure out.

You can do these exercise visually with an object or our keys...
Squeeze the object tighter and tighter (feel the tension)..
Then drop the object out of your hands....(let go)
Do this several times ..cuase youre trying to retrain your brain.
Then simply apply it to your negative thoughts and feelings.

You can try the refocus or pivate methdoe. Sometimes we get tunnel vision
with negative thoughts and feelings....Dont beat yourself up for feeling those
negative feelings....just know it's telling you its time to pivate or refocus.
Find anything to feel good. Graully you'll start feeling good. More positive thoughts
more positive feelings.
Train your brain to get out of tunnel vision.

You can do simple exercise for 5-10 mins per day on the outside.
Simply focus on various objects near or afar for 10 sec....
Scan the horrizon..ect you shoe lace than focus on a bird flying across the sky.
reshift...reshift...reshift.
It'll help you to get out of tunnel vision.

You can also try doing the "what if game" to help you get out of tunnel vision.
what if the sky was purple?
what if Santa was skinny?
What if monkey flies?
It'll help you get out of lateral thinking.

You can also try tension and breathing exercises.
Tighten up all your muscels as you take in as breath of air.
Then relax and breathe out your breathe.
10 reps. will get you to a relax state.

You can also be a little bit more mindful on your diet.
Some foods are heavy..makes you feel tired and depressed.

You can also try taking vitamins B5 and B12 suppliments to maintain good moods.
Brain food....
If you're diet dosnt contain these vitamins...you'll feel like ****.
When you feel like ****...the freak brain conjure all kinds of stupid ****.lol
You simply just have vitamins deficiencies.
Makes it less of a struggle when you're in a better mood to be positive.

 

[Ox Blood]

I'm sorry you're struggling... LC brought up a lot of good points.

I'm probably in no position to dispense relationship advice myself.

Just think that's kinda sad she doesn't like cutesy texts or messages.

 

[roguewave]

The good thing is that you already have a girl in your life so you're doing something really right!!
As for the insecurity you've gotta push through it. To me the feeling is almost like a physical pushing out of my boundaries, even though it's a mental process. Tell you're insecurities that you are in control of your life and to eff off.
Don't let yourself get so paranoid that things are not going well that you actually start acting strange/paranoid because that will be a red flag for her and may push her away.
Try and have more trust in her. If she's a good gf, you should be able to rely on her to talk to you about issues that arise between the two of you. Of course, that's the ideal but in a healthy relationship that's how it should work.

 

[chinx16]

You should think positively. The way you think affect the way you do things. Change your outlook on your relationship. You'll be much happier that way. Don't risk your relationship by thinking negative things about it.


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