Case
Well-known member
I've been single for close to two years now. Honestly, I got tired of the dating process, so I quit. I have not actively sought companionship from any woman in over a year. Instead, I've treated women like friends. Any woman I met, I immediately friend-zoned. I suppressed every natural male instinct, and I pursued no one, thinking that this was best for me. (Whether it was is a matter of debate.)
That was until a simple comment snapped me out of it. I was recently introduced to a woman named Jacki who stirred feelings in me that I hadn't felt in a long time. But I still buried them like I had all year long.
Then, after Jacki had gone home, one of Jacki's female friends asked me, "What is your type of woman?" I stalled by saying I didn't really have a type. The friend then said, "I know your type. It's Jacki. She's definitely your type."
My mind went into a whirl of confusion as I was met face-to-face with my own sexual desires. She was right. I *did* like Jacki, and the feelings started to swell inside me like an oncoming storm.
One simple comment destroyed all of my defenses and all of my barriers, and I was having to cope with my feelings once again. (Not a bad thing, I grant you.) Maybe it was foolish to force myself into a kind of celibacy, but now I was thinking of a woman as a sexual being for the first time in a long time, and I had to acknowledge my attraction to her.
Unfortunately, there was a catch: Jacki was unattainable. She lives in another state, for one, but the most important part is that she is in a committed relationship. Since I am respectful of the commitments others make as a matter of principle, I would not attempt to interfere with Jacki's life at all. In fact, as I write this, unless my friends have betrayed my request for secrecy, Jacki does not know how I feel, and I prefer that to remain true.
That left me wondering how to move forward. Since I don't go out to bars or nightclubs, I went on a dating site recently and started chatting with a teacher who appears to be very compatible. After about a week of emailing, I invited her to coffee, but she apologetically declined saying that she had a vet appointment for her dog at the time I suggested. (Incidentally, she didn't offer a better time to meet. I'm not sure if this is typical.)
We are still emailing regularly, but I'm now less interested in putting forth another invite because I hate chasing after women. It feels desperate, and I've actually never done it.
I don't know if she was testing me to see how far I would fight to see her, but I know that I despise playing these games. (Even if it isn't a game, I'm not sure if I should be persistent or if I should let her ask since I already extended my own invite.)
Perhaps the point of this message is that I feel out of step with the dating process. I like this woman I am emailing, but I sense that this could end at any moment. Should I extend a second offer to meet?
I guess I feel like a raw nerve at the moment. Any comments, advice, or suggestions are welcome.
TL-DR : After a year long celibacy, I suddenly re awoke to admit that I really want a romantic partner, and I'm not sure if I'm going about it correctly.
That was until a simple comment snapped me out of it. I was recently introduced to a woman named Jacki who stirred feelings in me that I hadn't felt in a long time. But I still buried them like I had all year long.
Then, after Jacki had gone home, one of Jacki's female friends asked me, "What is your type of woman?" I stalled by saying I didn't really have a type. The friend then said, "I know your type. It's Jacki. She's definitely your type."
My mind went into a whirl of confusion as I was met face-to-face with my own sexual desires. She was right. I *did* like Jacki, and the feelings started to swell inside me like an oncoming storm.
One simple comment destroyed all of my defenses and all of my barriers, and I was having to cope with my feelings once again. (Not a bad thing, I grant you.) Maybe it was foolish to force myself into a kind of celibacy, but now I was thinking of a woman as a sexual being for the first time in a long time, and I had to acknowledge my attraction to her.
Unfortunately, there was a catch: Jacki was unattainable. She lives in another state, for one, but the most important part is that she is in a committed relationship. Since I am respectful of the commitments others make as a matter of principle, I would not attempt to interfere with Jacki's life at all. In fact, as I write this, unless my friends have betrayed my request for secrecy, Jacki does not know how I feel, and I prefer that to remain true.
That left me wondering how to move forward. Since I don't go out to bars or nightclubs, I went on a dating site recently and started chatting with a teacher who appears to be very compatible. After about a week of emailing, I invited her to coffee, but she apologetically declined saying that she had a vet appointment for her dog at the time I suggested. (Incidentally, she didn't offer a better time to meet. I'm not sure if this is typical.)
We are still emailing regularly, but I'm now less interested in putting forth another invite because I hate chasing after women. It feels desperate, and I've actually never done it.
I don't know if she was testing me to see how far I would fight to see her, but I know that I despise playing these games. (Even if it isn't a game, I'm not sure if I should be persistent or if I should let her ask since I already extended my own invite.)
Perhaps the point of this message is that I feel out of step with the dating process. I like this woman I am emailing, but I sense that this could end at any moment. Should I extend a second offer to meet?
I guess I feel like a raw nerve at the moment. Any comments, advice, or suggestions are welcome.
TL-DR : After a year long celibacy, I suddenly re awoke to admit that I really want a romantic partner, and I'm not sure if I'm going about it correctly.
Be prepared to see some odd behavior and for people to just suddenly stop talking to you. Don't take it personally - people seem to do it pretty often. 
