No longer give a ****.......and it feels kinda good

[whocares]

Just what the title says. I've reached that point in my life where i've given up on the normal life.

When i was younger i always thought i'd go to college, make a ton of friends, get a girlfriend who truly loved me for me, graduate, get a great job, pump out a couple kids, and live happily ever after.

Well guess what folks, that's not how the **** works. But i'm ok with that. I'm coming up to a crossroads. When i get my degree i can either....

A. say **** it all and pursue my dream of being a comedian. I'm in Indiana right now and i'd either move to LA or New York.

OR..

B. what i talked about above. Do the "normal" thing and fade away into mediocrity.

The messed up thing about this is the fact that i'm truly, honestly ok with living in a car or being homeless in order to make it as a comedian. I honestly would rather be homeless, and pursuing my dream, than some average dude who fakes his happiness for the rest of his life.

I guess i'm a bit confused at why i'm so ok with this. I mean have i become that dark and jaded by life? More and more i think the answer is yes. Perhaps i won't make it as a comedian, but i sure as hell wanna go out swinging ya know? I've done stand up 9 times already and have done really well a couple of times. Of course i've bombed too but that's a part of the process

I mean this is MY LIFE! This is the ONLY LIFE I HAVE! Why not try to reach for greatness? Why do so many people give up on their dreams?!?! We only live once. idk just thinkin out loud here....

 

[Guyonthelake]

Man nothing wrong with chasing a dream. Your education wll be with you if the other doesn't workout. You certainly don't want to look back and say what if.

 

[LoneKiller]

I admire your enthusiasm and dedication to become a comedian. The fact that you would sleep in your car if you had to is a sign of this. What concerns me is, what if your dreams of becoming a comedian don't work out? How much longer can you endure what is truly a difficult road. You will need a lot of money for food, shelter, medical help, and a place to live. I know I'm sounding a little harsh, but I am just being honest. I'm not going to lie to you and say that you will succeed if you work hard enough at it. It's just so ******* difficult to succeed in the entertainment industry. I'm not telling you not to chase your dream, it's your dream. I just hope that you understand what I'm trying to say.

I'm not trying to run you down at all, but at the same time, I think you know just how extremely difficult it is to be a success in show business. As much as I applaud your dedication, maybe you consider getting a degree first. It's a strong thing to fall back on if your career as a comedian doesn't work out.

The entertainment industry is going to be around forever and will still be around when you graduate. I do hope this helps some. And again, I'm not trying to burst your bubble. I just want to see you succeed in life.

When Simon Cowell first appeared as a judge on "American Idol" the audience and the world couldn't believe what a super prick he was for his cruel words to the contestants. He said one time that.."..If I lie and tell these people that they have what it takes when clearly they don't, I find it a bigger insult to them and myself to get their hopes up only to fail
miserably...".

I wish you nothing but success. I truly do.

Godspeed.
LoneKiller

 

[stumble]

Perhaps I'm a crazed idealist but can't you be a comedian and have a family? I mean yeah totally go for your dreams but I'm not seeing why thats means you won't get a girl or kids? Or a house or anything. I'm perhaps missing a point...I am quite tired!

 

[whocares]

lonekiller,

thanks for the detailed response. I really appreciate your input. I know how tough the entertainment industry is. I've done stand up 9 times already and the last time i did it i TOTALLY bombed. I was onstage for 3 minutes of silence.

However, there have been a couple times where i've gotten very good laughs and THAT is what drives me. No doubt i'm gonna finish my degree. I've worked hard to keep my grades up and will be graduating this year.

Thing is...i don't know if i want to live in a world where i don't make it as a comedian. I know that sounds a little over dramatic. Allow me to explain. I've pretty much given up on people. I must be a loser right? Actually i've been fortunate to have some very close friendships over the years but at the end of the day i've realized that everyone is out for themeselves.

Women in my life, well that's a whole other story. i've never been good with women. I'm not a virgin but i've struggled my whole life with them. I grew up with the fairy tale idea that there are women out there who truly will and are capable of loving me just for me. I've found that to be false.

Stand up comedy is the one true thing that gives me peace and happiness in this dark world. I will never forget how i felt after the first time i ever tried stand up. It was in Chicago and i left that night feeling like a king. I can honestly say, at this point in my life, it was the best time of my life. The reason being because i looked fear in the eye and took a BIG step towards my dream. I don't even think i did that well that night, BUT i was doing something big with my life. I drove home through downtown that night listening to tony bennet. it was heaven

I've come to despise quite a bit of the human race. Again, i know that sounds overdramatic. let me explain. All i see around me at my school are people wasting their lives drinking, doing average and/or mediocre things and then posting it on facebook as if they are celebrities. I absolutely hate it. I want to do SOMETHING with my life. i want to make an impact on this world. I've always been told by people who know me well that i'm the funniest person they've ever met. I want to share that gift with the world. I want to be to the kids my age of future generations what Louis ck, dave chappelle, and jerry seinfeld (AMONG MANY OTHERS) were to me at the lonely ages of 18,19,20,21, and 22.

Thing is, deep down, i really believe i can do this. I know it will be extremely tough. However, i'd rather be poor and lonely while chasing my dream than living my life as a fake. idk i guess i'm ****** up in the head huh?

 

[WallflowerLife]

I'm a college kid too, and I felt the exact same way. Like I'd get to college and make lifelong friends meet someone and sail off into happy land. But none of that **** has happpened..I hope whatever path your life takes that you're happy.

 

[Outlawstarl337]

lonekiller,
When i was younger i always thought i'd go to college, make a ton of friends, get a girlfriend who truly loved me for me, graduate, get a great job, pump out a couple kids, and live happily ever after.

you know for the longest time that was my dream and honestly deep down i still want that so i know what you mean it just turned out that i'm created for solitude.

As for the rest of what you said i'm in the same boat as far as women go i always though and still do that there is a women at there that will love me for me and i've thought i'd found that before but it didn't turn out to be true.

now then i'm kinda jealous that you have a goal that you are so into. I've honestly never had anything i cared about (beside girls) as much as you care about your dream from the way it sounds. I've never cared about most things. i've lived 90% of my life without a dream/goals of any kind. for most of the times i spent goal less i was depressed. i got to say their what makes life fun. i'm still working on exactly what i want to do but anything i have planned (and trust me here) will probably even have less of a chance of success.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

There is nothing wrong at all with following a dream. I'd simply advise you to do it in a manner that gives you options if you ever change your desires in life.

My own dream is to be the head of my own business. I love leading and motivating teams (ironic, since I also hate public speaking to large groups at this point in my life) and getting a job done intelligently really gives me a buzz. I also have this weird "thing" about being the best I can be, call it competitiveness or whatever.

My father admits that he'd like his own company, but he worries a lot about the "idea" behind it all. I've told him almost exactly what you've said - you get one life and so many people don't do what they want to do, so why not start small and try to make it work? I see people who, frankly, aren't as switched-on as me doing fine at it. Regret is the only thing that comes from not trying.

Instead of instantly going for it and shoving up all my savings to start up or fail, I'm working towards getting a science degree first. The end result should be that I'll have a stable career lined up that will bring the money in for me to follow that dream. I could even combine the degree I'm taking with my business and start some kind of science-related company venture.

Always have a Plan B, or even a "Plan AB" - something that will work to help you out in gaining your dream on top of the obvious. I think it's a myth that it has to be "the dream or nothing".

My Plan C, amusingly enough, is to work for a space body. I'd love to work on a space mission or perform lab experiments in space. Sounds ridiculous, but they need qualified crews and that's something else I'm working towards should my original ideas dry up.

I admire your particular dream. I also love making people laugh, but I don't think I'd ever get the balls to do a stand-up routine. The fact that you've done that time and time again shows that you've got the will to make it happen.

Best of luck with it!

 

[nerdygirl]

Do what you can not to be homeless. That's one of those things people don't really think about when they haven't been there. It's cold, dangerous, and it is not that freaking easy to get a shower. If you think it's easy to get work when you haven't had a shower in weeks, you're kidding yourself.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Nerdygirl has it right. I was essentially homeless for awhile and one of the major issues I remembered dealing with is "How to get a shower." In my case, a gym membership proved helpful. Be sure to have a good plan before going on any adventures, and a fallback in case things turn to ****.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I didn't read the body of your post but the title of this thread reminds me of this song:

[youtube]2sR5MBIQkf8[/youtube]

 

[Pheenix]

Sure, do as you wish, it's good to break out of the mindtrap of the "perfect life", I'd just advice you to consider whether the comedian route is at all reliable. I mean, whether you can make it above a level where you will die of decease within a few years. I know I gave up becoming a musician for that reason. (because people pirate their music)

 

[LoneKiller]

lonekiller,

thanks for the detailed response. I really appreciate your input. I know how tough the entertainment industry is. I've done stand up 9 times already and the last time i did it i TOTALLY bombed. I was onstage for 3 minutes of silence.

However, there have been a couple times where i've gotten very good laughs and THAT is what drives me. No doubt i'm gonna finish my degree. I've worked hard to keep my grades up and will be graduating this year.

Thing is...i don't know if i want to live in a world where i don't make it as a comedian. I know that sounds a little over dramatic. Allow me to explain. I've pretty much given up on people. I must be a loser right? Actually i've been fortunate to have some very close friendships over the years but at the end of the day i've realized that everyone is out for themeselves.

Women in my life, well that's a whole other story. i've never been good with women. I'm not a virgin but i've struggled my whole life with them. I grew up with the fairy tale idea that there are women out there who truly will and are capable of loving me just for me. I've found that to be false.

Stand up comedy is the one true thing that gives me peace and happiness in this dark world. I will never forget how i felt after the first time i ever tried stand up. It was in Chicago and i left that night feeling like a king. I can honestly say, at this point in my life, it was the best time of my life. The reason being because i looked fear in the eye and took a BIG step towards my dream. I don't even think i did that well that night, BUT i was doing something big with my life. I drove home through downtown that night listening to tony bennet. it was heaven

I've come to despise quite a bit of the human race. Again, i know that sounds overdramatic. let me explain. All i see around me at my school are people wasting their lives drinking, doing average and/or mediocre things and then posting it on facebook as if they are celebrities. I absolutely hate it. I want to do SOMETHING with my life. i want to make an impact on this world. I've always been told by people who know me well that i'm the funniest person they've ever met. I want to share that gift with the world. I want to be to the kids my age of future generations what Louis ck, dave chappelle, and jerry seinfeld (AMONG MANY OTHERS) were to me at the lonely ages of 18,19,20,21, and 22.

Thing is, deep down, i really believe i can do this. I know it will be extremely tough. However, i'd rather be poor and lonely while chasing my dream than living my life as a fake. idk i guess i'm ****** up in the head huh?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nope. It makes you courageous along with a sense of direction. That's rare these days for a lot of people. I'm sure that if you spoke with Jerry Seinfeld he would most likely have a plethora of examples of how difficult it was for him when he was coming up. Let's face it. You aren't looking for a career flipping burgers here.

When I failed to get promoted to "Blue Belt" in Tae Kwon Do, I was absolutely crushed. I worked so ******* hard for it. I was so pissed off at myself and hurt. As I was on my out of the club my master handed me card that said: Great Faith
Great Doubt
Great Effort
These are the qualities necessary for success.
------------------------------------------------
Your drive is very powerful. I wish you nothing but happiness and the thrill of succeeding at something that you obviously thirst for.

 

[Outlawstarl337]

Do what you can not to be homeless. That's one of those things people don't really think about when they haven't been there. It's cold, dangerous, and it is not that freaking easy to get a shower. If you think it's easy to get work when you haven't had a shower in weeks, you're kidding yourself.

Nerdygirl has it right. I was essentially homeless for awhile and one of the major issues I remembered dealing with is "How to get a shower." In my case, a gym membership proved helpful. Be sure to have a good plan before going on any adventures, and a fallback in case things turn to ****.

I've ended up homeless 3 time but but ever time i ended up homeless i had a job and gym member ship so it was easy lol keep that in mind though if you ended up homeless make sure to have a gym member ship.