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I am truly disappointed in myself. I’m a young male in college. I’m at the moment in my life where my physical body is about as attractive as it will ever be, and yet its’ still nowhere near good enough. I’ve posted before about my genetic skin disease, so I wont rehash all of that again, but its almost as if my body was designed specifically to be nothing but a turn off to the female population.
There is seemingly no hope of a female finding anything significantly attractive about my physical body. Not because females are shallow, but because they are human. The way it looks, the way if feels, the way it smells. Everything about my skin is wrong and unnatural. Its scaly, its dry, its rough, its blotchy red. At its best it smells a little funky, and this is when its being cared for.
I look for it constantly. I hope and long for it almost every day, yet I have never known of a girl to be even remotely attracted to me. Through high school, in public, in college I’ve been in contact with probably a thousand different girls in my life and not once has any of them ever offered any sort of compliment about my appearances.
-They stare because they are curious as to why I look so weird.
-They actively try to avoid coming into physical contact with my skin (or me for that matter).
-They turn around in the halls so they don’t have to walk past me.
-They scoot away when I sit near them.
-They whisper about me behind my back.
Those are all situations I have dealt with through my life with girls, and yet no compliments, no encouragement, no hugs(not even friendly ones). Granted I have had girls I’ve talked to, been what you might call class buddies with, but its just discouraging. How am I supposed to believe that I’m an attractive person when the only special attention I’ve ever received has been negative.
I am not a completely lost cause. I still believe in the inner me. I know I’m a generally good, respectful person, and I know there are females out there who would would enjoy my personality, but I feel like a chewy candy center covered in an outward shell of raw sewage. You have to make big sacrifices if you want to be able to enjoy the good stuff. Its just so few (if any) girls want too try.
I don’t blame them either. Why would you want to be with someone whose skin will always feel disturbingly unnatural, whose appearance so different, whose smell so weird? Personality can only take a person so far and unfortunately I don’t think mine takes me far enough. I have nothing special to offer anyone for their willingness to overlook my abnormal physical flaws…nothing but my personality, which they can easily find in other guys who have perfectly natural skin.
It is extremely humiliating to be so physically inadequate. I’ve always tried to hold out hope that I’f I’m patient and just be myself that eventually a girl will show up and honestly be able and willing to overlook who I am on the outside. I am slowly finding that hope dwindle away….along with my feeling of self worth.
How many more years and lonely, awkward moments in life do I have to endure till I can enjoy the same experiences and same inner comfort that everyone else I know has been able to find?
This is the end of my sad, pathetic rant. Just something I wanted to get out of me.
There is seemingly no hope of a female finding anything significantly attractive about my physical body. Not because females are shallow, but because they are human. The way it looks, the way if feels, the way it smells. Everything about my skin is wrong and unnatural. Its scaly, its dry, its rough, its blotchy red. At its best it smells a little funky, and this is when its being cared for.
I look for it constantly. I hope and long for it almost every day, yet I have never known of a girl to be even remotely attracted to me. Through high school, in public, in college I’ve been in contact with probably a thousand different girls in my life and not once has any of them ever offered any sort of compliment about my appearances.
-They stare because they are curious as to why I look so weird.
-They actively try to avoid coming into physical contact with my skin (or me for that matter).
-They turn around in the halls so they don’t have to walk past me.
-They scoot away when I sit near them.
-They whisper about me behind my back.
Those are all situations I have dealt with through my life with girls, and yet no compliments, no encouragement, no hugs(not even friendly ones). Granted I have had girls I’ve talked to, been what you might call class buddies with, but its just discouraging. How am I supposed to believe that I’m an attractive person when the only special attention I’ve ever received has been negative.
I am not a completely lost cause. I still believe in the inner me. I know I’m a generally good, respectful person, and I know there are females out there who would would enjoy my personality, but I feel like a chewy candy center covered in an outward shell of raw sewage. You have to make big sacrifices if you want to be able to enjoy the good stuff. Its just so few (if any) girls want too try.
I don’t blame them either. Why would you want to be with someone whose skin will always feel disturbingly unnatural, whose appearance so different, whose smell so weird? Personality can only take a person so far and unfortunately I don’t think mine takes me far enough. I have nothing special to offer anyone for their willingness to overlook my abnormal physical flaws…nothing but my personality, which they can easily find in other guys who have perfectly natural skin.
It is extremely humiliating to be so physically inadequate. I’ve always tried to hold out hope that I’f I’m patient and just be myself that eventually a girl will show up and honestly be able and willing to overlook who I am on the outside. I am slowly finding that hope dwindle away….along with my feeling of self worth.
How many more years and lonely, awkward moments in life do I have to endure till I can enjoy the same experiences and same inner comfort that everyone else I know has been able to find?
This is the end of my sad, pathetic rant. Just something I wanted to get out of me.
