Online Dating?

[Muse]

Does anyone else find online dating incredibly frustrating?

 

[PurpleStar]

Cannot say I have ever tried it

 

[Joturbo]

Got a mate who I used to play tennis with haven't seen him  a while though he met through a dating site before the internet has been married twenty five years .

 

[user 139760]

It's an exercise in exasperation.
In a world where artificiality and superficiality are becoming the norm, making others feel like a piece of meat, or feeling like one yourself, does nothing good for anyone.
The paying ones are worse because they prey to the wallet of people who are feeling one of the worst feelings; loneliness.

Very popular with husbands cheating on their wives and lonely wives looking for one nighters when their husbands are on meeting trips, though. Not to mention the obvious scam profiles by some ill-intended individuals who profit on others credulity.

YES' it's incredibly negative to say so. Of course, there have been success stories.
But overall, I feel they are more harmful than good. We should have dating clubs instead, where for the price of a drink you're allowed 5-10 minutes of alone time with future potential partners of the opposite sex through plastic windows. It would seem more human and less artificial, though strangely similar to a petshop (but really...are we that dissimilar to begin with?).

I personally prefer a bar or the library.

 

[Joturbo]

I disagree Richard....maybe you don't hear about the success stories because there's still a bit of a stigma about it.

I know half glass full opinion but do you think my mates £80 odd quid was good value.

Have you tried it yourself just wondering where you base your argument from?

 

[user 139760]

I disagree Richard....maybe you don't hear about the success stories because there's still a bit of a stigma about it.

I know half glass full opinion but do you think my mates £80 odd quid was good value.

Have you tried it yourself just wondering where you base your argument from?

Well, I don't think there is. I personally know a success story, although it wasn't from a dating site but a message board.
A stigmata? How so? That's interesting, never heard that before, what stigmata?

LOL I disagree. I think your mate threw a good 80 (whatever that symbol is lol) out to window. Note for future reference, I take donations ;-)

Oh, word of mouth, personal experience, reading this article and that article, knowing admins from said website, among other things. I have tried several, both paying and not paying. Ultimately, it's a facilitator, right? It's supposed to bring people together. It was a good idea when it started. But now......"algorythihms"? "Premium Service"?
Did you know most of the time, the different memberships make NO difference whatsoever in the way the profiles are handled, depending on the site? I haven't checked in recently, mind you, but I used to know an admin from a now defunct one called Lavalife-Mtl. There was literally no difference to what the Gold membership got versus their free ones (silver I think). Way before that it was the same thing in the 80s-90s with the phone thing and a lot of women got pretty much stalked on there, enough that most shut down entirely here.

Like I said, there are success stories, but basically, it's making a cash grab for your wallet when a little effort could replace it. If the admins had any scruples those things would be free. But hey...2018. Most people don't have scruples anymore ;-)

But hey, it's just an opinion. Like anything else I say, my word ain't the final word, just what I think, it's a take it or leave it deal ;-)

 

[Joturbo]

Ok Richard...fair dos you obviously have tons more experience than me.But I think if I was single I'd try anything to find that little bit of happiness that even a short term relationship could bring especially if I was lacking in confidence to approach ladies in libraries :club: and bars.At the end of the day what does a week's wages matter really in the scheme of things that's my opinion anyway.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I personally know of at least five success stories from online dating. So it can work. I think people go into online dating thinking it will be easier than doing it the old fashioned way. It's not, it's really no different. The only thing it does is give you a little more access to people who are single. You still have to go through the effort of finding someone that you mesh well with and is willing to give you a chance.

As for me, I prefer doing it the old fashioned way. Although, I have no desire to date, so I don't really look. I have been asked out (both online and off) but everyone gets turned down. Not because of who they are or what they look like, but because I do not want to date...at all.

 

[kamya]

Can be alright if both people are sincere and genuine. Also needs to be talks/plans for meeting up asap.

 

[ardour]

It would involve competing with a huge pool of men in my city centre/area. Before online dating women might have been more willing to accept shortcomings, maybe get to know someone first instead of dismissing them out of hand; now for many of them there's usually better options waiting online, literally hundreds of guys that are better looking and more confident and social available to talk  any time they want. Works both ways, but it's more obvious for us as initiators.  Sad statistics: In terms of rated attractiveness, the bottom 50% receive only 4% of messages: Linky here

On top of that, I'm just not attractive, and photos really show that up. Instead of seeing me as a 'dynamic' person, they'd just see an ugly face staring back at them trying to force a smile. Eww. Swipe left. etc.

 

[Rainbows]

but because I do not want to date...at all.

Aw, shucks!
Missed my chance, clearly.

 

[DarkSelene]

I think it works. The dating part of it with apps/sites is a little too superficial for me, personally, but I'm not the "dating" type of person at all... the angst just makes me go insane.

I do believe in long distance/online relationships, I think that meeting someone online and developing a deep connection before seeing them, more through friendly conversations and getting to know each other, is a great way to establish a foundation -- especially for people with social anxiety, people that are too insecure, etc... I think it's easier to shine online when your actions and reactions are not being examined in person, and that fear doesn't pile on top of all the other fears that come with liking someone.

 

[LifePath1]

but because I do not want to date...at all.

Aw, shucks!
Missed my chance, clearly.

Wait.... you're single? :club:  lol

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I'm assuming you're a guy. So here's the scoop. In order to increase your chances of getting noticed by a few decimal points, you need to be willing AND able to make yourself sound better than you actually are. You might even have to lie about yourself. Any of this doesn't sit well with you, do yourself a favour and abandon that profile. You're not going to do your sanity any favours.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm assuming you're a guy. So here's the scoop. In order to increase your chances of getting noticed by a few decimal points, you need to be willing AND able to make yourself sound better than you actually are. You might even have to lie about yourself. Any of this doesn't sit well with you, do yourself a favour and abandon that profile. You're not going to do your sanity any favours.

Most women wouldn't take too kindly to people lying to them.  Most men wouldn't either, so yeah, no.  If you want to embellish slightly, okay, fine, do that, but don't lie.

---

but because I do not want to date...at all.

Aw, shucks!
Missed my chance, clearly.

Oh, I would totally date YOU, I'm not completely insane <3

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Most women wouldn't take too kindly to people lying to them.  Most men wouldn't either, so yeah, no.  If you want to embellish slightly, okay, fine, do that, but don't lie.

Embelishing = Lying

Let's be really honest about this.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Most women wouldn't take too kindly to people lying to them.  Most men wouldn't either, so yeah, no.  If you want to embellish slightly, okay, fine, do that, but don't lie.

Embelishing = Lying

Let's be really honest about this.

No, I'm talking about like instead of saying you are a taxi driver or uber driver, say you are a chauffeur.  That is not a lie, it just sounds a little better than saying you drive a taxi.

 

[jean-vic]

Does anyone else find online dating incredibly frustrating?

I met my current girlfriend online. It was on this site actually. Together for three and a half years now. So, while not strictly an online dating site, there is hope for meeting people online.

 

[user 139760]

Does anyone else find online dating incredibly frustrating?

I met my current girlfriend online. It was on this site actually. Together for three and a half years now. So, while not strictly an online dating site, there is hope for meeting people online.

I'd take this site over any online dating site, specifically because this site's point is NOT dating lol.

See Callie's conversation with Red_Wedding above. Red_Wedding is, sadly I might add, right. Lying is done CONSTANTLY. Both by men and women. I can safely say of maybe the dozen or so women I have met through an online dating site, not one actually looked like they described, or even their pictures (some of them clearly photoshoped). While I'm not much of a superficial person and don't mind not going out with Drew Barrymore, the lying irked me. It's a bad start to what is, hopefully, a potential long term relationship.

Which is the next point. Out of the dozen or so mentionned, half of them wanted a fling, or just to party and have the dude, in this case me, pay for everything. Nah-huh. Quite a few actually got mad when I said it was 50/50 or nothing.

I think website like these specifically play into people's fantasy of meeting "a rich Prince Charming/a sexy Vixen that acts like your mom" enough that it plays into other's senses of entitlement. I've seen cocky jocks date litterally hundreds of women and flush them, I've seen women do the same, I've heard, as was also stated, the lower 50% get no messages while a dude who was lying through his teeth (which we finally met when the site organized a "meet n' greet") about what he looked like and who he was get dozens and dozens.

It's artificial. As such, artificial gets you artificial. There are success stories, as was mentionned, but they aren't the norm, they are the exceptions. I prefer the good old fashionned way as well, be able to meet and talk to someone who knows straight out what's in front of her and learns to accept and BE accepted with qualities as well as flaws, not start off by pretending we're all perfect people.

So on this site, if two people click, since the point isn't to date and make yourself come out in bright lights, you really get to meet real people. People who are honest and who talk about their bad times. That's intimately knowing many of you and that's beautiful. In a relationship, it's something you sometimes never do, so in a way, it gives us all a level of closeness we would not otherwise have with people in our entourages. That is PROFOUND.

So yeah, dating sites suck lol. If it worked for you, good, count yourself as blessed, because they weren't designed to work that way, they were designed for admins to make money off of it. ;-)

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

No, I'm talking about like instead of saying you are a taxi driver or uber driver, say you are a chauffeur.  That is not a lie, it just sounds a little better than saying you drive a taxi.

That's great and all, but there comes a point where you can't hide behind embelishment, and at some point, she's gonna find out that chauffeur really means taxi driver. Way I see it, it's far better to be upfront about these things so a potential partner knows exactly what they're getting themselves into before investing time.