Online Dating?

[kaetic]

None of you have presented anything to show that something different could happen though.

Were we supposed to be keeping notes? There are many things I won't understand in life, absolutely. Never get a denial out of me about it. Being bitter and negative about people just because I didn't get what I wanted out of them is one thing I don't even want to understand.

He's not talking about specific people.  Going by your posts you've had at least 2 long term relationships.

You've gotten what you've wanted. The other person here hasn't because they're literally too scared to send one message.

That was the experience I shared. I did not share the times that I did message people and it ended horribly.
And I won't. Because every time I share anything with you people it ends up being a long drawn out battle over whatever perceived threat I've made to your self-imposed victimhood.

Yeah forget you Nilla, you aren't allowed to have anything to say because you had a relationship at some point, you couldn't possibly have any knowledge to share that might help some one to achieve the same thing. Or maybe any input that might guide some one through some of the hard parts of being in a relationship. NO, NO, NO, unless you are in exactly the same predicament that these guys are bitching about (including gender, because women couldn't possibly understand) you better not post anything for fear of offending their fragile male egos.

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Oh great it's the "you don't see women as human beings" crap.

If you keep hearing it from different sources... it's the first time I've said it... then maybe you should be thinking about what it is you're saying that prompts this response.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You've gotten what you've wanted.

You think I have what I want. I do not.

 

[Xpendable]

You think she knows what she wants.

 

[kamya]

Judging from the reactions I've gotten from sharing so far I can imagine what I'll get if that little experiment doesn't match your expectations to the T. So probably for the best not to waste my time.

Yeah, really. Because of certain things that have happened to us that show something different could happen, we're magically the exception to everything ever. I don't get it. I probably never will. But I'm also learning to just leave miserable alone.

None of you have presented anything to show that something different could happen though.

I'm afraid there are a lot of things you will never get.

Kaetic being too scared to actually message anyone doesn't really say anything about the state of online dating. All it says is that she could use Callie's advice more than any of the men complaining in this thread. It further highlights how trivial the problems that women have on dating sites are in comparison to men. If the advice of "just get over your fear of rejection and try" is all you really need then the problem really is just with you and not a problem with the state of online dating. I wish we all had it that easy. Then you wouldn't have to deal with a bunch of men complaining all the time.

... And I see you changed your argument.
The reason I shared was to show that women have more issues than just having too high of standards (apparently not wanting to just **** whoever messages you first is too high, right?) and being too picky (pretty sure that's the same thing.)
Maybe if you bothered to think of women as actual human beings with thoughts/emotions similar to your own you might be able to connect more easily.
Don't worry about my meltdown. I was having a **** day. I will get over it. I also will not blame every man out there or the whole concept of online dating for my self esteem issues, or even for the rejections I've already gotten and will probably endure in the future. **** happens. We get to choose how we react.

I didn't change my argument at all. 

"If the advice of "just get over your fear of rejection and try" is all you really need then the problem really is just with you and not a problem with the state of online dating."

This doesn't go against anything I said earlier. It's not an issue with online dating, it's an issue with you. You actually have to try if you are going to complain.


Just because someone thinks women have it easier in online dating doesn't mean they think women aren't people with their own unique subjective experiences. Men generally have it easier in some other areas in life. I still think men are people too. 

You say you want to make an account as a guy just to see the difference? It's been done both ways many times. The results are pretty well documented and not hard to find. We know what happens. It's not a matter of "opinion".

Why do you guys insist on arguing against things that are so obviously true to anyone that's actually spent time using dating sites? Do you really believe what you're saying? I know there are people out there that just like to play the contrarian but damn.

 

[ardour]

^Because acknowledging that you *might* have it easier in one area of life is too much of a concession, especially if it's in front of losers.

 

[kaetic]

[quote pid='882271' dateline='1536379295']
No
Those threads don't take off because they don't actually exist. If they did, they wouldn't gain traction because it would be like complaining to a starving homeless person about how you don't like any of the food at the buffet. If you are a woman and are actually having trouble finding dates through dating apps then your standards are unrealistic or you're being too picky. It's that simple.
[/quote]

Really... because this is what you said before...

and now it's the fault of the "state of online dating" in general.

As far as the dehumanizing women goes... I have seen posts from (not you specifically) that state that the whole problem is that women get to choose who they have *** with, because we can say no. (feminism thread) There was literally a whole thread based on that bogus 80/20 statistic that seems to be the answer for every study brought up regarding dating, EVER, that reduced people to numbers based on attractiveness level. There have been posts in the Questions for Women/Men threads along with other various threads that basically say it doesn't matter what the woman thinks as long as the guy has a handle on his own identity. Other threads have had posts about how women ONLY care about money and looks. One specific post I remember from you... A girl posted on here about her past abusive relationships and you said... pick better guys. Sage advice. Truly. I'm sure she never thought about that not even in her therapy sessions, which she did mention in that same opening post.

Every time it's the same group of guys posting this stuff. Can you really not see how this might make it look like you hate women? Or am I just being contrarian? What can I say I'm just a woman, you know how we are.

 

[kamya]

"Finding" implies that you're actually putting in some work. And the thread is about online dating so of course the context of online dating would be what I'm talking about. I specifically mention "dating apps". We're not talking about anyone's specific insecurities or psychological issues. We're speaking in general terms. You're desperately reaching for anything at this point.

Also, I don't see what's so dehumanizing about that advice tbh. I still stand by it.

And yeah, studies and papers usually break people down into demographic groups and test/ observe behaviors. Then they reduce the results down to numbers and they keep testing until they can get enough data to discover some general trends. That's literally the whole point. If you don't like it, too bad. It doesn't make the findings any less valid.

At this point though? Yes you are just being contrarian. Your gender isn't to blame for that though.

 

[ardour]

I don't recall anyone here arguing women shouldn't be free to choose who they have *** with, just pointing out general trends in who they do end up choosing.

 

[kaetic]

"Finding" implies that you're actually putting in some work. And the thread is about online dating so of course the context of online dating would be what I'm talking about. I specifically mention "dating apps". We're not talking about anyone's specific insecurities or psychological issues. We're speaking in general terms. You're desperately reaching for anything at this point.

Also, I don't see what's so dehumanizing about that advice tbh. I still stand by it.

And yeah, studies and papers usually break people down into demographic groups and test/ observe behaviors. Then they reduce the results down to numbers and they keep testing until they can get enough data to discover some general trends. That's literally the whole point. If you don't like it, too bad. It doesn't make the findings any less valid.

At this point though? Yes you are just being contrarian. Your gender isn't to blame for that though.

I have put in work, just because I only shared part of my experience doesn't negate the rest of it. I already stated why I shared what I did and why I'm not sharing anymore than that.
As soon as I posted about my bad experience on a dating site (and I'll give you I didn't send out messages... I can see how it would be frustrating to send out messages and get nothing back I NEVER SAID THE OPPOSITE) As soon as I posted that, it was immediately taken as an argument against the difficulty that all men have dating. I believe... I said... It's not a ******* gender issue. We all have difficulties dating. I don't know why it has to be a ******* contest.

The advice was right on the borderline of blaming the victim. She didn't take offense to it. So I kept my mouth shut. But keep in mind, she's in therapy for having been abused for the past five years. She likely blames herself too.

And studies... yes valid studies do use numbers and demographic groups... but the postings I'm talking about weren't based on actual studies... these were as I said BOGUS, no evidence is ever given, no links to the studies, no attachments to documented proof, no ACTUAL findings. If you don't like it that you can't just state these statistics and have them believed without actual evidence... that's too ******* bad.

 

[kamya]

And studies... yes valid studies do use numbers and demographic groups... but the postings I'm talking about weren't based on actual studies... these were as I said BOGUS, no evidence is ever given, no links to the studies, no attachments to documented proof, no ACTUAL findings. If you don't like it that you can't just state these statistics and have them believed without actual evidence... that's too ******* bad.

This is where you are being contrarian. There is almost always evidence and links to the data for people to go over on their own time. And if an article fails to link the sources, they are always a simple google search away for anyone that bothers to actually do the work. If you want to be a skeptic be a skeptic. But don't write something off just because you don't like what it says without doing any actual digging.

 

[TheRealCallie]

 

[kamya]

The problem has less to do with your gender and more to do with the fact that you don't know what you're talking about.

There are plenty of women out there that get it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

 

[user 139760]

As an interesting side note, I stumbled upon a very disturbing "propaganda" **** video ( I don't know what else to call it and YES, as a single man for the last 15 years, I view those on occasion lol) probably still floating around there, with juicy bold letters saying women=sh*t, hatef them and all that. While I dont doubt that it doesnt manifest as a sentiment even with most men either disapponted in finding a girlfriend, or complaining that the game is rigged, there is no denying that a portion, even if its fringe, of dissapointment in how the "game" is rigged eventually leads to such feelings.
I find it so dehumanizing a concept that I constantly tinge my opinions of not blaming anyone but the systems in place and how online or even offline dating works, because its...ugh.
I could not fathom blind encompassing hate of a nameless statistical group enough to ever go down that path. But some do. Im sure online or offline personal frustrations play a large part in it.
And thats a big part of this debate, isnt it? Blame. Lack of success = something or someone to blame. For men its women, for women its men. Notice how similar both sides of the argument are. Its ironic.
Ah well. I guess it generates cash, so who cares, right?

 

[kamya]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

No one is being a hypocrite. I just said it's not your gender that is the cause of your ignorance. Keep attacking that straw man tho.

Feel free to show me where I said women don't have problems. All I'm saying is they are trivial and usually 100% their own fault in comparison.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The straw man is more logical, so yeah, I'll stick with the Scarecrow, thanks.

 

[kaetic]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

No one is being a hypocrite. I just said it's not your gender that is the cause of your ignorance. Keep attacking that straw man tho.

Feel free to show me where I said women don't have problems.

All I'm saying is Human Problems are generally trivial and usually 100% their own fault.

There I fixed it for you, I think you edited the wrong thing.

 

[Xpendable]

But not all humans are equal.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But not all humans are equal.

Just like not all MEN are equal and not all WOMEN are equal, huh?

 

[kamya]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

No one is being a hypocrite. I just said it's not your gender that is the cause of your ignorance. Keep attacking that straw man tho.

Feel free to show me where I said women don't have problems.

All I'm saying is Human Problems are generally trivial and usually 100% their own fault.

There I fixed it for you, I think you edited the wrong thing.

No. I meant what I said originally. The problems with online dating that the guys are complaining about in this thread have to do with the unfair biases in the online dating model itself. Don't confuse your own problems with theirs.

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The straw man is more logical, so yeah, I'll stick with the Scarecrow, thanks.

If you actually knew how to think logically you would realize how stupid this sentence is.