Online Dating?

[TheRealCallie]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

No one is being a hypocrite. I just said it's not your gender that is the cause of your ignorance. Keep attacking that straw man tho.

Feel free to show me where I said women don't have problems.

All I'm saying is Human Problems are generally trivial and usually 100% their own fault.

There I fixed it for you, I think you edited the wrong thing.

No. I meant what I said originally. The problems with online dating that the guys are complaining about in this thread have to do with the unfair biases in the online dating model itself. Don't confuse your own problems with theirs.

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The straw man is more logical, so yeah, I'll stick with the Scarecrow, thanks.

If you actually knew how to think logically you would realize how stupid this sentence is.

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If you'd try not being so damn bitter and negative all the time, maybe you would realize what I'm saying is true....

 

[kamya]

Acknowledging that an issue exists and trying to convince people that it exists doesn't mean someone is bitter. Being frustrated with dealing with YOU and your inability to properly debate or understand any point is where almost all of my negativity is coming from in this thread. Its almost like you enjoy acting ignorant and contrarian just to get people riled up.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Acknowledging that an issue exists and trying to convince people that it exists doesn't mean someone is bitter.

Absolutely, but being nasty about it does.

 

[kaetic]

There are also plenty of men out there that get it.  

I find it extremely hilarious how WE can't know because WE don't have a ***** and WE have never been in the situation, yet I'm pretty damn sure that YOU don't have a ****** and have never been in ours, so YOU don't know what YOU are talking about either.  Taking some ******** studies and throwing them out like they are FACT does not make them facts.  

Stop being a bitter hypocrite.

No one is being a hypocrite. I just said it's not your gender that is the cause of your ignorance. Keep attacking that straw man tho.

Feel free to show me where I said women don't have problems.

All I'm saying is Human Problems are generally trivial and usually 100% their own fault.

There I fixed it for you, I think you edited the wrong thing.

No. I meant what I said originally. The problems with online dating that the guys are complaining about in this thread have to do with the unfair biases in the online dating model itself. Don't confuse your own problems with theirs.

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The straw man is more logical, so yeah, I'll stick with the Scarecrow, thanks.

If you actually knew how to think logically you would realize how stupid this sentence is.

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If you'd try not being so damn bitter and negative all the time, maybe you would realize what I'm saying is true....

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I'm not confusing anything. You used a blanket statement that could be applied to both sides, so I did. And note I left in your usually... I'm not saying every problem is one hundred percent your fault either. Just that it can go both ways. You chose not to see that. Do you actually know what ignorance is?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Acknowledging that an issue exists and trying to convince people that it exists doesn't mean someone is bitter. Being frustrated with dealing with YOU and your inability to properly debate or understand any point is where almost all of my negativity is coming from in this thread. Its almost like you enjoy acting ignorant and contrarian just to get people riled up.

Inability to properly debate?  Um, pretty sure you are talking to yourself with that one.  It's cute how you're trying to insult me just to further your own nonargument though.  

Oh and harping on the same thing over and over again and blaming everyone but yourself so you can blissfully ignore the real issues makes you bitter and negative. 

 

[ardour]

"Women rarely reach out, no matter their circumstances."

 

[kamya]

Who am I blaming here? You can also acknowledge that a problem exists without automatically placing blame. If the problem is a more specific personal problem like one posted by kaetic then yeah, it can pretty simple to see who's mostly at fault. 

And AGAIN, I never said women don't have problems. I don't see where I ever said that. Feel free to show me. 

Do you REALLY think women have it just as hard as the millions of men experiencing the same as what the guy in the latest "tired of online dating" thread is dealing with? 

Do you REALLY think his problems with online dating are caused by his own actions and aren't just because that's the way things work if you're a man trying to date online? 

What do you think the reason is for such a high 95%+ of women to not even give the guy a chance or second look? With the vast majority of men facing similar or worse numbers, just WHO do you think the majority of women ARE giving the chances to? I'd be interested in hearing your theories.

Do you REALLY think if you made a profile as an average man that you would magically experience anything different? 

If you were seriously earnestly trying to find a relationship through online dating would you REALLY rather have those problems over the problems you face now?

Be honest.

How does acknowledging that this problem exists for most men, and that women don't deal with this issue make someone bitter? Or sexist? Or negative? How does it say that women don't have any problems?

The reason I keep harping on the same things over and over again is because you STILL haven't properly argued against them.

 

[DarkSelene]

The problem might exist, but you're clearly not allowed to complain about it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, women can just "sit back and wait" because they can get a man without even trying.....

Did you consider maybe you just refuse to look at any view other than your own? Women DO have problems, just as many as men. They might not be the SAME problems, but don't sit there and tell me that women have it easier because they don't. Yeah, they get more messages, but the majority of those aren't for actual dating, just ***.
There are likely just as many women struggling with online dating than there are men. You just want to harp on it because it gives you some kind of demented purpose to hate women.

NOTHING about online dating is a magical damn experience. I believe I have said that a million damn times. It's NOT magical, it is NO different than doing it the old fashioned way, except that you have more options. That's it, that is all that is different. You still have to get to know a person, you still have to meet them, you still have to be compatible, you still have to do everything you had to do before the stupid internet came about. Oh, and you still have to figure out your own **** and your own problems. If you get NO results, the problem isn't the sites or society or the women, it's likely something YOU are doing.

 

[DarkSelene]

I could not fathom blind encompassing hate of a nameless statistical group enough to ever go down that path. But some do. Im sure online or offline personal frustrations play a large part in it.
And thats a big part of this debate, isnt it? Blame. Lack of success = something or someone to blame. For men its women, for women its men. Notice how similar both sides of the argument are. Its ironic.
Ah well. I guess it generates cash, so who cares, right?

Disagree. Having the option to complain about what hurts me without being called a misandrist and a men hater is important to me. When I feel lonely, having someone is important to me. Being able to feel and express my emotions is and always will be important to me. At the core of this conversation is despair. The feeling that doesn't matter how much I try or do, nothing or no one will ever understand me, want me or care for me.
Someone who doesn't know anything about me to come to me and say I haven't done enough and the only reason why I don't achieve something is because of me? Because I'm upset about not getting it? That's OK and I'm the one who'll be placing blame?
This is a comparison. Nothing more than that, taking it as putting blame on a group or even hating a group is the biggest misrepresentation of someones feelings I've ever seen...
If I start chopping down wood to find diamonds, either someone is going to have to tell me that I can't find diamonds in wood, or I'll be chopping it down my whole life and failing... God forbid I'm ever frustrated about it, "tree hating piece of ****".

 

[Xpendable]

The problem is is that most people actually tell you that trees have diamonds.

 

[DarkSelene]

"If you don't find diamonds in trees, you didn't try hard enough, you didnt chop it right"

 

[user 139760]

"If you don't find diamonds in trees, you didn't try hard enough, you didnt chop it right"

Oh the right to complain is not the question here. To stay with the tree analogy, "Why don't you grab a shovel and start digging"?
The thing is, people complain that "Ive tried everything and it doesnt work". Ergo, the logical conclusion would be that they have not tried everything. The post by Pad79 is, I think, an enlightning one on that respect.
https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=39076
No one is *condemned* to failiure and being alone forever, even though the feeling of it might be there. You have to change your outlook on it first and foremost, because complaining about it might be a relief, in the end it will not change anything. It kind even lead to skewered outlooks where none should exist.

I should know, complaining is my speciality ;-)
Its not that its not allowed; its that it doesnt matter. Ive been single for 15 years. Partly by choice, but Ive tried my hand at a few different things. Met a bunch of weirdoes. Was on POF for 5 years, maybe 2 dates, sent a couple 50s or so messages. Why should I complain that it didnt work and that women are spoiled and have the long end of the stick on it? Sure, itll do me for a spell, but it doesnt change anything. So I deleted my account and tried something else. Grabbed a shovel and started digging (my own grave lol).
80/20 rule may be true. Men might be pigs, may be true. It doesnt matter though. What matters is I, MYSELF, find what Im looking for. To hell with the stats, the "game", the ultra feminist, the chauvinistic fuckboys and all that jazz.
So...that was the point. But fairplay, everyone has a right to manage their lives as they see fit. That includes mopping for 30 years.

 

[kamya]

An inbox full of willing sexual partners is your main problem? Sure sounds rough.

 

[user 139760]

An inbox full of willing sexual partners is your main problem? Sure sounds rough.

For some people, it IS. Its all relative. Like maple syrup or bacon.
NO, I don't understand it either. But understanding Humanity is an exercise in self-mutilation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

An inbox full of willing sexual partners is your main problem? Sure sounds rough.

Yeah, and if every damn woman was a *** addict, it probably would be great.  SOME people want more than just a **** and dump, thanks.  SOME people would rather have something real.  Not everyone will screw anything that moves. 

As I said, maybe if you stop being so bitter and negative, you'd get more chances.

 

[kaetic]

This is interesting... try not to take it as an argument.

[link]https://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/[/link]

 

[kamya]

An inbox full of willing sexual partners is your main problem? Sure sounds rough.

Yeah, and if every damn woman was a *** addict, it probably would be great.  SOME people want more than just a **** and dump, thanks.  SOME people would rather have something real.  Not everyone will screw anything that moves. 

As I said, maybe if you stop being so bitter and negative, you'd get more chances.

And as I said, you have no idea what you're talking about. 

Even if someone actually were bitter and negative, deciding not to be isn't going to magically make people more likely to send them a message or match with them. That's not how it works.

There are interesting things in the article kaetic linked with the survey questions. Maybe I'm colorblind or not seeing it properly. The graphs are really small on my phone. Most of the women chose 1 to 2 dates as how long they want their next relationship to last, followed by the forever option. Most chose 1 to 2 dates as the most time they'd ideally have to wait before having *** as well. 

So again, how is an inbox full of willing sexual partners a problem?

 

[TheRealCallie]

An inbox full of willing sexual partners is your main problem? Sure sounds rough.

Yeah, and if every damn woman was a *** addict, it probably would be great.  SOME people want more than just a **** and dump, thanks.  SOME people would rather have something real.  Not everyone will screw anything that moves. 

As I said, maybe if you stop being so bitter and negative, you'd get more chances.

And as I said, you have no idea what you're talking about. 

Even if someone actually were bitter and negative, deciding not to be isn't going to magically make people more likely to send them a message or match with them. That's not how it works.

There are interesting things in the article kaetic linked with the survey questions. Maybe I'm colorblind or not seeing it properly. The graphs are really small on my phone. Most of the women chose 1 to 2 dates as how long they want their next relationship to last, followed by the forever option. Most chose 1 to 2 dates as the most time they'd ideally have to wait before having *** as well. 

So again, how is an inbox full of willing sexual partners a problem?

If you get nowhere on dating sites now, how the hell would you know "how it works"?  lol  Also, if you aren't a woman, how the hell would you know "how it works" for women?

And again, as I said, not everyone is looking for a **** and dump.  Some people want something REAL.  I'd prefer a MATURE relationship with a MATURE man, thanks.   So what, are you bitter and negative because no one is sending you inappropriate messages when you only have a half assed profile and no picture?
Oh and I also got a few messages from WOMEN, so yeah, women clearly do send messages, just not to bitter, negative people.

And to clarify for anyone who unknowingly falls into this ******** thread, I am NOT saying online dating (or offline for that matter) is easy.  I'm simply saying it's not easy for ANYONE.  Men are not exclusive in the difficulty of dating.

 

[kamya]

You know nothing tbh. You prove it with every new post in this thread. Maybe if you made less assumptions you would understand why your advice isn't taken seriously by the guys you're giving it to.

When I was actively using dating sites I put a lot of effort into having good photos and testing many different things. Testing many different profiles and bios. Asking people to view my profile and give feedback. When I was actively using them I put in quite a bit of effort. Anyone that knows me knows how methodical and determined I can be when I'm trying to work towards a goal.

I got a few results and there were a few people I was able to connect with and take things off of the apps with. Ultimately after about a year I decided I was putting in way too much effort for what I was getting out of it and stopped logging in.

I'm not bitter about the experience. I didn't go into in expecting bad results. I'm not even that upset with the results. Disappointed would be the best word.

Like I said, any negativity shown in this thread is the result of dealing with you and your refusal to believe that maybe guys have it a bit worse and therefore tend to complain about it more.

It's clear you aren't even reading the posts because you are just repeating the same points that have already been countered after all of your posts. Doubling down doesn't make you any less wrong.

It would also help if you stopped arguing against points that were never even made. Ya know, the straw men you keep putting together? Where did I say no women send messages? After you answer that maybe you can answer the other 4 times I asked you to show me where I said something that you're arguing against in your responses to my posts.