Our need for control

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isthatso

Trannie
Joined
Nov 4, 2012
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Most of the psychology experts say you need to let go of the need to control. The ego is the culprit. For our unhappiness.
I dunno. I think I'm happier when I feel in control. Not of other people. But other things. Like financial independence. Health.
Home improvements. My emotions. Self control.
How important is control to you?
 
This is interesting

I feel the most powerful when I give up all control. I feel so free like I can float.
I adore being in a submissive position in life, it feels most natural to me. I don't relate well with people who strive for autonomy. I feel like its too much pressure.
 
It's of the utmost importance.
I was treated lower than dirt and less then human for 12 straight years of my life as a kid in school.
OF COURSE total and complete control of my life is important to me!
I can relate. Sorry to read of the trauma you suffered.
 
I'm 65. (he said almost proudly 😄)
Anyway, I need control more every year.
I'm impatient. Like I was stuck with some Bible thumper the other day, I almost walked out. But stayed as a courtesy to my friend who took me there.
Time is precious. I don't like wasting time with people who are too self absorbed. That might sound hypocritical, considering how many posts I do here. I use this place to get my thoughts off my chest.
A guy came to fix my water mains tap today. He did a good job but he was totally uncommunicative. I rang up his company and complained nicely. I don't like people getting away with bad behaviour.
See that's control freakish, don't you think? 😄
 
Without wishing to sound disrespectful, your partner might be happy about that.
You’re right lol he likes Skinny, Submissive, Spiritual women anything else… is a no go to him… but thats why its important to find someone that loves you for you ✨💕
 
Boundaries are important, as are respect for those boundaries.
I don't really have a desire for an excess of control outside of myself.
Although I do have a very OCD-style desire for self control and balance.
And ideally I would like to have a partner that is also trying to learn that or value that.

The reason being is because, there are certain things, small things, about yourself and about human nature that happen on not just an instinctual level, but also on a mental and physical level as well, that go subtly unnoticed to the oblivious individual purely because it's not the kind of thing that you think about unless you happen to take notice of it in the moment.

And the problem with a bunch of little things (like small gears in a big, complex clock system) is that they add up cumulatively. and then become one big issue that screws the whole thing up.
You know, kinda like how anytime your car breaks down and you get into pulling it apart and then you find out that not just one thing is messed up, it's a whole bunch of stuff that's messed up that cumulatively added to the whole of it eventually ceasing to work.

Yes that does get used improperly as a sales pitch often and probably isn't the best example but I mean, you don't have to take your car in to a mechanic in order to learn that, you really can pull the problem apart yourself and figure it out. And that's how you go from having a small expenditure into having a large expenditure without you knowing it.

That's what a lack of individualistic or self control can contribute to and/or lead up to.
Go to the doctor, doctor says you're overweight.
Inquire about what that actually entails about your health, and he'll tell you about your heart health, liver health, kidney health, cholesterol levels, blood sugar levels, potentially blood pressure levels if that was taken, diabetic risk, etc. etc. etc.

Same kinda thing.
Oddly, and no I don't particularly encourage this, this is the kind of a thing that I learned out of psychedelic trips.
Because tripping will make you hyper-aware of the small details of yourself that you otherwise did not have detailed note of.
Again, I don't encourage substance use, but this is just how I learned that kind of a lesson, and how it can be a really easy oversight.
 
Although I do have a very OCD-style desire for self control and balance.
Would describe me as well.
But in my case, I suspect this projects on to other people , without my awareness. I suspect people do find me controlling. In a subtle way. I try not to but it leaks out. 😃
 
Would describe me as well.
But in my case, I suspect this projects on to other people , without my awareness. I suspect people do find me controlling. In a subtle way. I try not to but it leaks out. 😃

See I just prefer not to have to, because I'm introverted and that means extra expenditure of energy and for no practical personal gain...key word being practical.
 
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Would I take offence if someone started a whole number of new threads?
Hell no. I would welcome it.
Would I complain if someone wanted to start a thread on the advantages of communism?
Hell no
If someone wanted to start a thread on their sadness recently?
Hell no. I can relate. I don't see many veteran members starting threads like that.
Well if I don't know your story, how can I offer empathy.
I shared my story. Not one person (sorry maybe one) offered sympathy to me for losing my wife recently. Where's the kindness/compassion on this forum? I've gone out on a limb and most people are just pointscoring or trying to show their superiority. Preening their feathers? I think this forum can exacerbate your depression. And that's without the politics.
But I can solve my own issues by typing my my thoughts. Whether people respond or not.
I'm wondering whether Callie deserved all that hate now.
 

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