I joined an AS support group 18 months ago and have always found it really helpful. A couple of months ago a married couple joined. The wife has AS and the husband doesn't, but we accepted his coming along each week because he was with his wife and no one wanted to make a fuss and put her off from coming. The couple goes to a mental health support group before coming to the AS group and two weeks ago they brought along a man from the mental health support group who doesn't have AS to our group. I was away that week, but last week the others were all complaining at length about this, as our group is for people with AS and we have few chances to meet others with the condition, while there are plenty of mental health groups around. I agreed with them. Then the couple arrived with the man in tow again. The husband asked if it was ok for the man to be at the group, and I said that I would prefer it to be for people with AS only as we could share common experiences and be ourselves etc. Both men went outside and left us. This week they did the same thing-came along and sat outside. But it makes me feel guilty and unhappy and I am thinking of joining the other meeting of the group, twice a month on a different day. The others are being nice, but it upsets me that I was the only one who said anything and that I have been left feeling like the 'bad one' when all of them bar one felt the same way. I know that in future I would never be the one to speak up again-someone else can do it next time.
Problems at Aspergers support group
- Thread starter Tiina63
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Dear Tiina, it sounds like you set your boundaries, which are by the way also the boundaries of the group, so you shouldn't have to feel guilty, you did what you had to do. Them coming and sitting right outside sounds slightly passive aggressive, but maybe they just wanted to accompany this woman.
If I had a friend come with me for example to a Twelve Steps meeting, if he was not say an alcoholic it would just make sense that he waited outside.
Same for all kinds of therapy groups, unless it's really just once.
I think that if you don't say anything and don't show your insecurity, the others are actually grateful that you had the nerve of saying it so they didn't have to.
But yeah, sometimes it's better to avoid this kind of responsibility
but you did the right thing, I think.
So if you feel guilty, put two fingers in your ears, no, I mean in your brain, and sing "la la la la la la" until it goes away .
If I had a friend come with me for example to a Twelve Steps meeting, if he was not say an alcoholic it would just make sense that he waited outside.
Same for all kinds of therapy groups, unless it's really just once.
I think that if you don't say anything and don't show your insecurity, the others are actually grateful that you had the nerve of saying it so they didn't have to.
But yeah, sometimes it's better to avoid this kind of responsibility
but you did the right thing, I think.So if you feel guilty, put two fingers in your ears, no, I mean in your brain, and sing "la la la la la la" until it goes away
.Hi Peaches, thank you for your supportive response. I felt it was a bit passive aggressive too when they went and sat outside, as if they wanted to elicit a response from me and from the others-if the husband alone had come with his wife and had joined the group as normal, it would have been ok, but with the other man coming again and their both sitting outside it felt odd and upsetting, to be honest. Personally I wouldn't go to a support group for something which I didn't have, as it would be pointless.
Your saying that if a friend came with you to twelve steps but waited outside for you reminds me of what one of the others said. When he first came to our group, a relative came with him but never once came in. He just waited outside in the car, as he didn't want to be intrusive.
Your saying that if a friend came with you to twelve steps but waited outside for you reminds me of what one of the others said. When he first came to our group, a relative came with him but never once came in. He just waited outside in the car, as he didn't want to be intrusive.
