Protection

[Phaedron]

No, not that kind of protection

I have been long-distanced, and intimately downgraded. My partner has a powerful independent streak, and stubborn streak. Moreover, she cannot be trusted. She breaks plans all the time, so I can't get my hopes up.

In a few months or so she is going to stay with me for a while, but it's just a visitation. I have to be distant and detatched. All things considered it's better to have her in my life, then not to have her at all, but I can only depend on myself for happiness.

So I need a few tips on how to cope when she comes to visit. I don't want to find myself in the same situation as when she lived with me. All day staring at her things, and a room that we shared. I'm moving because of it. The urge to trust her, and give her my heart is so tempting, but I know if I do it will break. How do I deal with having her around all the time and still remain detatched enough to cope with being alone again? Maybe I should move my things to a different room when she comes. That way I maintain a room that is exclusively me.

And please, don't turn this into a commentary about the relationship itself. I did that in another thread. This thread isn't for revealing all the details and assessing the relationship, I'm just looking for ways to keep her in my outward life, while remaining distant inside to protect my fifth heart from being destroyed.

 

[Despair]

Learn to expect the worst and appreciate what you get... Life is too short to live without gratitude.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

One foot in yesterday another foot in tommorrow...pissing all over today , Idk.
Be the moment.

You can't trust her becuase you can't trust yourself.

How would i control the situation?...IDK
I'm not you. I don't know how you process life.

I'm thinking you're a bit mellow drammatic. i might be wrong...just guessing.
So what would I do I if i was mellow drammatic?..IDK

emotionally detach yourself for someone?..Just let go
Then again...being in the moment is letting go also.

This is how I go about things or where I am at.
I'm grateful for every moment Chelle and I spend time together.
I love her very much. I also know she loves me very much also...Why else would she take the time and energy to talk to me?
I just keep her love in my heart. I don't question it anymore..bascailly letting go of whatever gose on in my head.
It's the samething as keeping JC in my heart or having faith. I'm not afriad anymore.
I just keep it simple like that. It has given me peace. I pray for her highest good every morning as I awaken.
I've bascailly let go of our relationship or turned it over to a HP/GOD.
I can't do the GOd thing at the moment...Never the less I'm still letting go.
I know Chelle loves me. I know I love her. I just keep it simple and direct.

In the mean time I'm doing my part...putting one foot in front of the other..
I actaully had to tell her I had to get off the phone ...I had to go to work.lol

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

go with the flow..

don't invest more in the relationship than you're willing to lose.. keep yourself guarded, follow your nose and trust your feelings..(for how you want to handle the situation) can't control everything.. or let yourself go regardless of what you think will be the 'probable' consequences..

how to keep yourself detatched? idk.. don't 'follow' your feelings (for her).. distract yourself from them.. try not to 'fall' into desire..

 

[SophiaGrace]

I had a relationship like this. It ended up being an emotionally abusive one. If someone forces you to supress your feelings when around them, its jeopardizing your emotional health IMO.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

I had a relationship like this. It ended up being an emotionally abusive one. If someone forces you to supress your feelings when around them, its jeopardizing your emotional health IMO.

couldn't agree more.

if you have to sacrifice even 1% of what it is that makes you YOU, to be in a relationship, that is asking TOO much.

 

[Talus]

I had a relationship like this. It ended up being an emotionally abusive one. If someone forces you to supress your feelings when around them, its jeopardizing your emotional health IMO.

Yeah I completely agree as well.

Have you tried talking to her? Telling her exactly how you feel? All I can think to do is for you to try to find some way, or some compromise that will put your relationship with her on more even ground. Because honestly finding that even ground is really all you can do to make it work.

I was in a very similar situation a long time ago, and I can honestly say I wish I would have chosen to simply walk away, and endure the short term suffering that it would have caused then subject myself to a long term thing.