Pushing 40, and feeling lonely

[Sfgiantslover]

I’m pushing 40, and I feel very lonely. What should I do?

 

[ardour]

This won't be a popular opinion but you could join meetups and try to make friends with people mid-twenties to early 30s who are still doing things.

A lot of the people in my age bracket are slowing down and a good number are alcoholics. I feel no connection with them. It's like having cell mates instead of friends. Being around it actually makes the loneliness worse.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I guess the question to be considered is, what do you WANT to do about it?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I hope that situation changes for ya, being lonely sucks and maybe try your local city socialiser, they have age specific groups for people more comfortable with their own age groups and stuff.

 

[9006]

This won't be a popular opinion but you could join meetups and try to make friends with people mid-twenties to early 30s who are still doing things.

A lot of the people in my age bracket are slowing down and a good number are alcoholics. I feel no connection with them. It's like having cell mates instead of friends. Being around it actually makes the loneliness worse.

I think as you get past your 20's you can be bothered less and less about meetups, clubs, and going to places you wouldn't normally go just to meet people. It's like you kind of get stuck in a rut over it.

I also find social media is weird, it's not like it used to be early 2000's. People are so used to talking via the internet now that it's incredibly easy to just drop you and move onto someone else. Or, you get the feeling that they're talking to so many other people that there's really no interest. It's tough, and unfortunately so real answers.

I suppose it's really the best method to meet people face to face, it's just a lot more personal and have more chance of hitting it off IMO.

 

[Finished]

Get an animal. You can actually trust them. You can love them and they will love you back no matter what. All they need is food, water, and loving. Most don't even use soical media.

 

[dan27]

Get into your hobbies or join a team or club or karate or church.
Buy a kayak & a mountain bike & enjoy your health while you still have it.

Women cost too much $$$ & want to control you or FIX you !!
Ask me how I know? (5 kids later!!!!!)
No kids is a financial saving too.

Buy a Harley or a HotRod & the chicks come running...
Just beware the gold-diggers & heart-breakers.
If your gay, well your Golden....

One more thing: NO BOOZE & NO DRUGS & NO GAMBLING...
they've ruined many a man...including me....for real !!!
Why do you think prisons & hell are jammed full?

I wish I was 40 again....66 now &getting grumpy
New camera, new suit....I'm too sexy for my hair...
Get out there & kick some A$$ !
Gone FISHIN',,,,,,

 

[dan27]

Hey, don't let yer meat loaf either !

 

[Rohini]

Buy a Harley or a HotRod & the chicks come running...

 

[Claudia1794]

Well I think that is the cutest sweetest thing. It works both ways though. He'd be holding on to me.

 

[ardour]

I think as you get past your 20's you can be bothered less and less about meetups, clubs, and going to places you wouldn't normally go just to meet people. It's like you kind of get stuck in a rut over it.

I also find social media is weird, it's not like it used to be early 2000's. People are so used to talking via the internet now that it's incredibly easy to just drop you and move onto someone else. Or, you get the feeling that they're talking to so many other people that there's really no interest. It's tough, and unfortunately so real answers.

I suppose it's really the best method to meet people face to face, it's just a lot more personal and have more chance of hitting it off IMO.

Maybe that's all true. I've given up on looking for good long-term friends. People come and go. I'm happy getting to spend some time around people who still do things with no expectation for seeing them often (or even again). Anything that's more exciting than some dreary evening down at the 'local' bar/corner pub.

 

[dan27]

In hindsight....I wish I stayed single & focus on making enough cash to just Travel to far away dream destinations/ for fishing & motorcycle riding & snow skiing while young & virile.
Sadly, Health is always taken for granted.

No head games, No ties, few responsabilities & an open passport to beauty & joys.
Hopefully die in a knife fight in Manilla....instead of waiting for some nasty stuff to get me when old & weak.

Youth is wasted on the young.
Too soon old-too late wise.

God that felt good to convey to y'all.
I wish we ALL could reach our dreams & happy places.

Too much sorrow & emotional pain really takes the wind outof my sails.

Love eventaually faded out & new / restarts where made..
From bad to worse...the lust roller-coaster chugged along.
We all were imperfect...I was loyal except with one.

I was trapped by her pregnancy & could not abandon her with child.
Here I am...being evicted at the end of the month for scaring my land lady who is a racist & me a redneck.....lol
IDGAF... iI've been in worse situations.
I trust destiny will open a new chapter on this slow boat to hell...
Who needs a shrink when you got wifi & places like this?
Peace

 

[Rohini]

Hopefully die in a knife fight in Manilla..

I like your communication style, dan. hilarious.. but with some insight I agree with

 

[peggyparsi]

I’m pushing 40, and I feel very lonely. What should I do?

I recently found out that we‘re not alone at least with this phenomenon , statistically speaking. The article I read said that people stopped making new real friends after they reached 30 and from then on it was only losing/ dismissing people from your pool of friends.
I’ve tried the whole “join a club” thing or “reach out to your existing friendships” thing… resulting in maybe one forced meeting after a couple of cancellations and date shiftings thus I cannot really recommend it to you. I feel that if it’s always only you who has to reach out to people or organize a meet up , this might make you feel even more depressed in the end. So I guess you have already done something good by joining this forum and thereby facing that you’re not alone with this problem but rather in good company.

 

[peggyparsi]

In hindsight....I wish I stayed single & focus on making enough cash to just Travel to far away dream destinations/ for fishing & motorcycle riding & snow skiing while young & virile.
Sadly, Health is always taken for granted.

No head games, No ties, few responsabilities & an open passport to beauty & joys.
Hopefully die in a knife fight in Manilla....instead of waiting for some nasty stuff to get me when old & weak.

Youth is wasted on the young.
Too soon old-too late wise.

God that felt good to convey to y'all.
I wish we ALL could reach our dreams & happy places.

Too much sorrow & emotional pain really takes the wind outof my sails.

Love eventaually faded out & new / restarts where made..
From bad to worse...the lust roller-coaster chugged along.
We all were imperfect...I was loyal except with one.

I was trapped by her pregnancy & could not abandon her with child.
Here I am...being evicted at the end of the month for scaring my land lady who is a racist & me a redneck.....lol
IDGAF... iI've been in worse situations.
I trust destiny will open a new chapter on this slow boat to hell...
Who needs a shrink when you got wifi & places like this?
Peace

You’re not into writing lyrics by any chance? I would love a Songtext written in your style!

 

[user 188685]

Get an animal. You can actually trust them. You can love them and they will love you back no matter what. All they need is food, water, and loving. Most don't even use soical media.

Love this one Finished so true

 

[Carmel Dharma]

I recently found out that we‘re not alone at least with this phenomenon , statistically speaking. The article I read said that people stopped making new real friends after they reached 30 and from then on it was only losing/ dismissing people from your pool of friends.
I’ve tried the whole “join a club” thing or “reach out to your existing friendships” thing… resulting in maybe one forced meeting after a couple of cancellations and date shiftings thus I cannot really recommend it to you. I feel that if it’s always only you who has to reach out to people or organize a meet up , this might make you feel even more depressed in the end. So I guess you have already done something good by joining this forum and thereby facing that you’re not alone with this problem but rather in good company.

Well said. I too have tried the Meetup route, but I find that even in a social gathering of people that are (in theory) available and open to new friendships, most people are either already immersed in their own micro-cliques within the group, or seem to be people that are only there to connect temporarily with others and then be on their way, with no intention of initiating new friendships. They seem content in their own little self-contained worlds. I find it a bit perplexing, and definitely frustrating when attempting to seed new friendships.

Also to your point, social atrophy is a very real phenomena as one ages. I constantly work at countering the social atrophy in my own life or it can quickly gain the upper hand.

 

[mike354]

I'm a bit older than 40. Currently, I have three issues eating away at me. I had a very poor to nonexistent early social life. No dates, no invite to parties, nothing. First date (which was a disaster) second year of college. Toss in PTSD. I was an M60 machine-gunner in Vietnam and severely wounded in the left leg during combat. On top of that my wife (I finally managed to get a girlfriend) died of breast cancer a few years back.
I fixed up the house pretty well. I also bought two antique cars and take them to car shows. That's been a lot of fun but not to many of the ladies are interested in cars. I wouldn't mind having a lady friend just to talk to, go for coffee and such. Hobbies and perhaps church are good places to meet someone, at least the older crowd. I keep trying though. I keep trying to delete the message below but I can't!
tView attachment 5996

 

[Sylvia]

Hello Mike nice to meet you. I'm am absolutely sorry for all that you have been through. Please be strong I know God is working on something for you. I am new to this forum. I am here trying to meet someone for friendship, I am from Jamaica but I recently moved from the community where I was born to a new place where I dont know many people so I get lonely at times.

 

[Finished]

Hello Mike nice to meet you. I'm am absolutely sorry for all that you have been through. Please be strong I know God is working on something for you. I am new to this forum. I am here trying to meet someone for friendship, I am from Jamaica but I recently moved from the community where I was born to a new place where I dont know many people so I get lonely at times.

Welcome to the forums!