quiet but want to change.

[Azariah]

literally, if im in a room of three people, id be saying the least amount of words if we struck up a conversation.

i wish it wasnt that way. im so quiet that i have little conversations going in my head sometimes(instead of actually talking with real people). its kinda sad and weird.

if i get talkative all of a sudden, people will think thats unusual and there might be something wrong with me. like my bipolar is acting up. and im getting manic.

even with my (few) friends im quite silent.

is there anyone here that used to be a silent person but managed to turn into a normal sociable person? any advice for me? what to talk about/who to talk to?

 

[Restless soul]

Yes, that was me. I came out of my shell a bit so to speak. But not entirely. Still very senstive in other ways to things I raised here.

Now am I a normal social person now? Not really. I am just better at talking to people and expressing my self not sure what I can chalk that up to. Being older. Frustration needing to vent?
Not sure how old you are but it's never essy to just talk to anyone without getting a feel for them being comfortable around yhen etc..its always a challenge and exercise

 

[Extreme Unit]

I agree, it's frustrating when we're the quiet one in a group but when we make an effort to speak, people judge us for it. We're naturally quiet and it takes more energy to be assertive and social. Have you asked your friends for any advice on this? 
My ideal limit in a group is two or three people. Sometimes I wonder how they can talk endlessly and without effort, but it's probably because they have experiences and interests that I can't relate to.

 

[Maggie-]

I am a silent person too. I find it so hard to get to know a person, and I absolutely hate small talk. At school and in my private life I have a few people that I really trust and know, and I find it easier to open up and talk to them. My social anxiety has been a real struggle for as long as I remember, but I find it easier to deal with now. I used to force myself to be social, and I got more friends, but I was unhappy. Sure I push myself sometimes, but I am no longer trying to be something I am not.

 

[michael2]

literally, if im in a room of three people, id be saying the least amount of words if we struck up a conversation.

i wish it wasnt that way. im so quiet that i have little conversations going in my head sometimes(instead of actually talking with real people). its kinda sad and weird.

if i get talkative all of a sudden, people will think thats unusual and there might be something wrong with me. like my bipolar is acting up. and im getting manic.

even with my (few) friends im quite silent.

is there anyone here that used to be a silent person but managed to turn into a normal sociable person? any advice for me? what to talk about/who to talk to?

The best way I know of to be more comfortable and open around people is to find a job where you have to be around groups of people that you have to interact with constantly.  Like working at a big department store where you have people constantly coming up to you and asking questions.  One of my sisters eventually worked her way up to being a trainer of a classroom of dozens which has made her much more open and comfortable around people.  As for me personally I remember a job I had at a business where I had to work with a group of about 6 older people creating direct deposit accounts.  I was like 17 at the time and very quiet and shy, but working with them really helped me open up a bit.  You can still easily spot me as the 'quiet' one, yet I feel its not a a 'problem' that is holding me back socially anymore.

So I dont think think there is a problem with not being as talkative or outgoing as other people, but if its at the point where you want to contribute to a conversation but cant then I feel exposing yourself to more strangers will help with that.

I am a silent person too. ....  I absolutely hate small talk. 

Interesting that you bring this up, because its probably the biggest roadblock I have to conversation with people.  For whatever reason,  I never developed the ability to 'small talk'.  Not that I think there is anything really useful in small talk, just that it appears to be such a big part of almost everyone socially, especially with people they just met.

 

[Restless soul]

literally, if im in a room of three people, id be saying the least amount of words if we struck up a conversation.

i wish it wasnt that way. im so quiet that i have little conversations going in my head sometimes(instead of actually talking with real people). its kinda sad and weird.

if i get talkative all of a sudden, people will think thats unusual and there might be something wrong with me. like my bipolar is acting up. and im getting manic.

even with my (few) friends im quite silent.

is there anyone here that used to be a silent person but managed to turn into a normal sociable person? any advice for me? what to talk about/who to talk to?

The best way I know of to be more comfortable and open around people is to find a job where you have to be around groups of people that you have to interact with constantly.  Like working at a big department store where you have people constantly coming up to you and asking questions.  One of my sisters eventually worked her way up to being a trainer of a classroom of dozens which has made her much more open and comfortable around people.  As for me personally I remember a job I had at a business where I had to work with a group of about 6 older people creating direct deposit accounts.  I was like 17 at the time and very quiet and shy, but working with them really helped me open up a bit.  You can still easily spot me as the 'quiet' one, yet I feel its not a a 'problem' that is holding me back socially anymore.

So I dont think think there is a problem with not being as talkative or outgoing as other people, but if its at the point where you want to contribute to a conversation but cant then I feel exposing yourself to more strangers will help with that.

I am a silent person too. ....  I absolutely hate small talk. 

Interesting that you bring this up, because its probably the biggest roadblock I have to conversation with people.  For whatever reason,  I never developed the ability to 'small talk'.  Not that I think there is anything really useful in small talk, just that it appears to be such a big part of almost everyone socially, especially with people they just met.

Small talk is very useful. I.e asking any sorts of questions. Help. Assistance. Opinions can be viewed as small talk. In my opinion

 

[michael2]

When I think of small talk Im referring to these definitions of it from urban dictionary t

A When you come across that person you haven't seen in a while, but you really have no close connection with them anyways. But you know... you don't want to be rude and just walk right past them... so then it turns to a complete bull----ing session between you and this aquiantence. 

B The act of supplying a person with irrelevant information about oneself in an attempt to appear friendly and normal to a person one is meeting for the first time.

Cant stand it, very lame formality to make you appear you care about the other person when you really dont.  Alot of the time its not sincere.  Like when you run into someone you know but are not close to at the grocery store and they look into your basket and say 'mmmmm dinner is going to be great tonight!  Save me some!'.  Its lame.

Ive been guilty of it at times but Im working on simply saying a greeting to someone I know that I run into and moving on instead of wasting their time with small talk.  If Im going to talk to someone its because I genuinely really want to know more about them.  Of course if you run into a teacher that you havent seen in 10 years small talk is better then nothing.  

Small talk has its place but I feel way too many people abuse it which makes it painfully obvious they really dont care about you.

 

[Restless soul]

When I think of small talk Im referring to these definitions of it from urban dictionary t

A When you come across that person you haven't seen in a while, but you really have no close connection with them anyways. But you know... you don't want to be rude and just walk right past them... so then it turns to a complete bull----ing session between you and this aquiantence. 

B The act of supplying a person with irrelevant information about oneself in an attempt to appear friendly and normal to a person one is meeting for the first time.

Cant stand it, very lame formality to make you appear you care about the other person when you really dont.  Alot of the time its not sincere.  Like when you run into someone you know but are not close to at the grocery store and they look into your basket and say 'mmmmm dinner is going to be great tonight!  Save me some!'.  Its lame.

Ive been guilty of it at times but Im working on simply saying a greeting to someone I know that I run into and moving on instead of wasting their time with small talk.  If Im going to talk to someone its because I genuinely really want to know more about them.  Of course if you run into a teacher that you havent seen in 10 years small talk is better then nothing.  

Small talk has its place but I feel way too many people abuse it which makes it painfully obvious they really dont care about you.

Be serious

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Or you can be more like me and avoid all small talk and become a total antisocial. Paranoid dillusional avoidant personality type. If you abhor small talk so much. Yeah small talk sucks

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Having the gift of gab is essentially small talk or any talk. Small talk can extend into extended talk. So nothing to really knock.
Good tool/skill if you are lonley and trying to relate to others

 

[Maggie-]

I just never find the right thing to say in larger crowds, so I just usually stay away. Was at a fancy dinner party with a lot of people, and I barely said a word and it was awful. I avoid parties as much as I can too, because I feel so uncomfortable. Now I am very selective with who I actually talk to, and to be honest it feels great. But I am starting to get a little worried. Even with close friends I struggle to keep conversations going, and very rarely they turn into anything meaningful.

 

[russtoleum]

I used to be quiet out of shyness and awkwardness. I'm now only quiet by choice. I don't go out much but when I do, most people are drinking. I don't really drink much and hate being around drunk people so I just sit and watch for my own amusement and talk with those who are still sober.

 

[Maggie-]

I hate being around drunk people too, but it is kind of funny sometimes. A random girl told me that I was so kind and that she loved me, and I had only talked to her once. Maybe I have better social skills than I thought haha

 

[Xpendable]

Be the way that makes you happy, not the way others want you to be.