Ramblings about an Online Guy *Long*

[dubstep]

Met this online guy on an MMO called ," Iris Online." We hit it off talking in guild and started to get more personal with eachother in whisper chats. We talked about family, life, problems, ect. As we talked more I started to grow to like him alot but I was getting scared cuz I never felt like this about any male before online or off. I'm crushing hard on this man, I think about him almost 24/7, I worry constantly about him and his family, day-dream that I win a millions bucks so I can make their life more comfortable. And when he talks about problems I can only listen cause I can't do ****..and I feel constantly frustrated and helpless..

But some problems is that he and his family has prior drug and alcohol abuse. (he still drinks like a fish though) And I know he's still extremely upset because of his prior girlfriend from 7 years ago (may she rest in peace) because he thinks its his fault that she died..I can't relate but I can understand a bit. Another is that he's 25 and has way more life experience then me when we talk I feel so stupid and childish because either I can't relate or I don't know anything about it. It's hard cuz it feels like i'm not contributing anything relevant to the conversation. Says he understands and doesn't mind (too sweet for his own damn good) still don't want to lose him..even though I don't even have him..

There was some hints that make me think he likes me like from example he told me once that I should meet his family, and he could really love me but he can't really know for sure until he meets me in person..stuff like that i know can't get too hung up on this since he could very well mean this as a friend. I just don't know what to do I can't tell him how I feel because i'm to damn scared he'll laugh that this fat ugly chick would like him.

I dunno what to do..can't see this going anywhere if anything as more than friends because off both problems in his life are surely not ready to think about a relationship but in the near future I am definitively considering it even knowing his past..don't want to rule myself out quite yet tho. Feeling so confuzzled.

btw he lives in Canada.

 

[Ox Blood]

lol, God knows I don't take my own advice. Which gives you right to discredit me completely at this point... But I hope you do consider some of these things.

As someone who dated an alcoholic (we formerly met online first, then later in person -- I was 16, he was 23), and I have a personal history of substance abuse... I would say these are things that need to be worked on prior to entering a relationship. Any sort of drug/substance abuse can destroy a relationship (friendships, family relations, you name it) -- even if you have the best of intentions. That person has to not only want to stop, but must do so in order for any fair/successful chance of sharing a life with another person.

Substances can alter a person completely, which makes them (in my opinion) a selfish act in themselves. The first year of my relationship with my ex, he stayed away from booze. However, the moment he started turning back to old vices, he became verbally/mentally abusive -- which later progressed to physical abuse. I won't say that drinking is the sole cause... Some people can drink themselves stupid and still not hurt a fly. This brings up another point, that you really have to take the time to not only get to know a person, but to know yourself as well.

It's so important to be friends, first... You are on the right track now. And I think it's great that you realize that he isn't in a position to be in a relationship as the circumstances are. Always listen to those inner instincts. Know yourself, your limitations, and what you will and will not tolerate.

The flip side of this, is that I think people should be in a place where they accept themselves before taking on a serious relationship. I noted how you referred to yourself as "fat" and "ugly" -- that really saddened me. Talking from my own experience of having feelings of inadequacy, deep insecurities like that can really cause a lot of problems later down the road -- especially in relationships. You may find yourself over-compensating for a lack of self-worth. It's more self-destructive than anything, because you eventually wind up losing a sense of "self". Or, you set yourself up as an easy target for others. You give others the power to not only build your self-esteem up, but also to just as easily destroy it. Having that foundation of self-love and acceptance is essential.

The most you can do is be honest. Be honest with him, and yourself.

Like I said, I hardly practice what I preach. I don't even know if my advice is credible. But if I had a time machine, I'd probably go back six-seven years to drill these things into my head...

 

[ladyforsaken]

May I ask, how old are you, dubstep?

 

[Okiedokes]

So you two get along well and he said he could really love you, well, I think that sounds more than friendly but then again that's my opinion and I don't know him. I "love" my friends as I care about them, but the way he said it sounds more than friendly. You are going through the "crush" feeling and feelings are at their most and you are most vulnerable with everything. I think maybe you should see if he feels the same way before you meet in person. It would be for the best, because facing someone you like...who may not like you back the same is going to be rough. May I ask how long you two have been talking?

 

[CAS]

Online relationships are dodgy territory. I have been in 3 and none of them worked out.