Regaining Humanity

[Aztorak]

Hello fellow ALL-goers. If you've seen my new member post, you'll know that I just joined today. I would like to give a bit of background as to who I am and why I feel that I should be here with all of you.

My name is Aaron. I'm a 21 year old male from Florida. When I was younger my family and I moved multiple times - these instances occurred when I was 7, 11, and 19. This made it very difficult for me to completely solidify the friendships I had, and subsequently "sewed the seeds" of loneliness into my life. Each time we moved, all of the work I had put into acquiring friends was erased, and I eventually stopped caring about having actual friends.

I felt fine being alone - better than fine actually. I took solace in playing online games , and the "friends" I had made within the games made me feel wanted. It made me feel human...

Until I got to university.

I somehow lost all interest in these games, and I began to focus on the people in my surroundings. I credit this hypersensitivity to my roommates. They all had tons of friends, both of them had long-time girlfriends, and there I was: Alone, no existing love life, and beginning to realize that my happiness was superficial. My reality was essentially crushed and the illusion that I only needed myself was destroyed. I started to self-medicate just to enjoy living day to day, and my disconnect from humanity only expanded. I now visualize myself as a sort of "observer" of my own species, and through this came the epitome of alienation.

Now I am here, looking to ultimately reclaim my humanity through a soft form of socialization incarnated by this forum.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

-Aztorak (Aaron)

 

[user 115627]

Hello there, Aaron.

I can understand where you're coming from. Though I never had to move as a child, I grew up in a rural area without many diversions. Computer games were my most prominent interest since I was 9 years old and that was the only thing I talked about with the few school friends I had later on. And when I started playing online, these interactions became fewer though I did gain some online "friends" like you did.

I had just turned 16 when I noticed people changing around me - growing up, maturing, socializing while I was stuck in time. I became more aware to the interests of my contemporaries and how incredibly immature and boring I must seem to them. And I felt like I had missed out on life. So I attempted to catch up. Tried to meet up with the few more extroverted friends I had, participating in some events and the likes. Not everything worked out as planned and the experiences I made were not exclusively positive but they gave me some insight about where I belong and where not.

This place right here is good training ground. So settle in and see where it takes you. Take things at your own pace and you will find similar people too. Once you feel comfortable with the idea you should go out there though, interact with your fellow students casually, maybe even ask some of your roommates about things happening around university. You're obviously not happy with the current circumstances. But it's never too late to live, to grow and to find your place. You have to start making experiences somewhere though.

...welcome to ALL. Enjoy your stay.

By the way, you seem like a very articulate fella. What are you studying?

 

[Aztorak]

Hello there, Aaron.

I can understand where you're coming from. Though I never had to move as a child, I grew up in a rural area without many diversions. Computer games were my most prominent interest since I was 9 years old and that was the only thing I talked about with the few school friends I had later on. And when I started playing online, these interactions became fewer though I did gain some online "friends" like you did.

I had just turned 16 when I noticed people changing around me - growing up, maturing, socializing while I was stuck in time. I became more aware to the interests of my contemporaries and how incredibly immature and boring I must seem to them. And I felt like I had missed out on life. So I attempted to catch up. Tried to meet up with the few more extroverted friends I had, participating in some events and the likes. Not everything worked out as planned and the experiences I made were not exclusively positive but they gave me some insight about where I belong and where not.

This place right here is good training ground. So settle in and see where it takes you. Take things at your own pace and you will find similar people too. Once you feel comfortable with the idea you should go out there though, interact with your fellow students casually, maybe even ask some of your roommates about things happening around university. You're obviously not happy with the current circumstances. But it's never too late to live, to grow and to find your place. You have to start making experiences somewhere though.

...welcome to ALL. Enjoy your stay.

By the way, you seem like a very articulate fella. What are you studying?

Thank you for the input, I found it nice and productive. I am an anthropology major.

-Aztorak (Aaron)