Rejected again

[el Jay]

Back to having zero romantic prospects. Someone I had been talking to on and off for the past year seemed to be going somewhere, then she pulls the "it's not you, it's me" line. Obviously the situation is more nuanced than this, but this is the gist of it. Somehow this is even more depressing and lonely than having the hope of something developing, despite knowing it won't ever happen.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Back to having zero romantic prospects. Someone I had been talking to on and off for the past year seemed to be going somewhere, then she pulls the "it's not you, it's me" line. Obviously the situation is more nuanced than this, but this is the gist of it. Somehow this is even more depressing and lonely than having the hope of something developing, despite knowing it won't ever happen.

Man, that really sucks. Feeling like you're making progress, like you're going to finally make it out of singledom, like you finally found someone to be close with, and then bam, that's it. It's like having the hope pulled out from under you like a rug.

And it's exactly what I'm afraid of for myself - this situation, over and over, for the rest of my life. No matter what I try to improve about myself, or add to myself. Just never being good enough. Racking my brains, trying to figure out what kind of person I need to be, to be good enough. How I need to change myself. But just never finding the answers - never thinking of them myself, never having them just come to me, just never stumbling upon them.

I know it can't help much but all I can say is that I feel this.

 

[el Jay]

I do my best not to hope anymore, or be optimistic in general. Over a dozen times in the past several years (since my grandfather died, just over two months after I joined here), whenever I get excited or hopeful for something, it gets yanked away from me. I've wasted so much time and endured so much grief because I dared to hope for something better in my life. Instead, 8 years later, my life is significantly worse, I have fewer friends and family, and am lonelier than ever, with so much less of a chance of ever having even the slightest semblance of a "normal" life.

I don't know how I could even go from here. Not that I put that much hope into her specifically, but I just have nothing left at this point. No more options available, and too beaten down and exhausted from life to begin looking for more.

 

[Azariah]

You were rejected at least you weren't slapped in the face. All that was hurt was your pride.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I do my best not to hope anymore, or be optimistic in general. Over a dozen times in the past several years (since my grandfather died, just over two months after I joined here), whenever I get excited or hopeful for something, it gets yanked away from me. I've wasted so much time and endured so much grief because I dared to hope for something better in my life. Instead, 8 years later, my life is significantly worse, I have fewer friends and family, and am lonelier than ever, with so much less of a chance of ever having even the slightest semblance of a "normal" life.

I don't know how I could even go from here. Not that I put that much hope into her specifically, but I just have nothing left at this point. No more options available, and too beaten down and exhausted from life to begin looking for more.

My life has gone pretty similarly. All I can say is, I can relate. It's hard for me to get happy anymore cause I feel like all the good times were in the past, and ironically, when I didn't know what to do with them. I didn't know I was in the good times, when I was in them.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

Back to having zero romantic prospects. Someone I had been talking to on and off for the past year seemed to be going somewhere, then she pulls the "it's not you, it's me" line. Obviously the situation is more nuanced than this, but this is the gist of it. Somehow this is even more depressing and lonely than having the hope of something developing, despite knowing it won't ever happen.

Sorry you’re going through this.

 

[Sir Joseph]

El Jay, it's ok to feel down for awhile when rejected by someone we had hopes for, but don't let temporary feelings overrule your mind and logic. Looking at your profile, it seems to me that you're still a young man in the prime of your life - at a great age with your best health, attractiveness, and opportunities. You've time for many more prospects ahead, with reasons to expect failures and disappointments, as well as reasons to be hopeful.

One thing that's happened along the way for me in a life time of unsuccessful girlfriend hunting has been my smartening up in the get to know process. Whether in person or on-line, I now delve into serious questions right from the beginning, thus quickly ruling out incompatible prospects. This is a bad tactic if you're just wanting some fun with a girl, but if you're looking for Miss Right, it saves a lot of time, money, and hurt feelings since it's a lot easier to avoid a wrong relationship than to end one.

I've found that the best way to get over a lost girlfriend prospect is to look for another one. Succesful or not, spending time on web date sites not only serves as an entertaining diversion, but actually increases the statistical odds of finding a proper mate. There really are a lot of other fish in the sea, and some of them are inevitaby looking for someone like you or me. Don't give up.

 

[ewomack]

Yes, move on. I have no idea how close you actually were with this person, but someone who throws a cliché at you like that likely isn't a great long-term prospect anyway. But you never know, some people reconsider and come back after a time. She may have some personal things going on that she doesn't want to talk about or she may just lack the courage to tell you her real feelings. Or she's conflicted herself. If she's not going to share, then you'll never know. Moving, as hard as it may sound, remains the best medicine for such situations.