Relationship Advice

[Legato]

Not often I ask for advice, as it's been a while since feeling really low, but here goes.

I was in a relationship for 6-7 months. Lot of ups and downs in it, but mostly ups. Loved her (still do I guess) to pieces. It ended a few months back. I received a message telling me she no longer felt the same, felt I wasn't putting enough effort into the relationship etc.

Obviously I was left heartbroken for a while. As those of you who've been in love will know, it's not something that you can just stop overnight.

Despite the weird ending to our relationship, we kept in touch and she pretty much knew I wanted to be with her again. The feelings were mutual, but we just needed a bit of space.

Over the past few weeks we've started seeing each other again, but I found out she met up with her ex whilst we was apart. She's admitted something happened between them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm flirty as mofo, but would never of gone to the point of any physical interaction with anyone else. When she told me this it kinda broke my heart all over again. Nobody likes to know the one they love being with someone else.

Am I allowed to feel like this? Or is it ok for her to of slept with her ex as they were apart?

I'm completely clueless on how to progress now. This amongst various other situations going on in my life right now, I've hit rock bottom.

 

[perfanoff]

She had broken up with you when she went back to her ex? I think it's a normal reaction to hear of the person you love having slept with someone else, during your relationship or not. Try not to think about it and concentrate on the moment, man.

If you approach her don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Try to determine if she's a hopeless romantic (she sounds like one), and if so, get into the relationship ready to know it's not going to last. It's extremely hard to impossible to keep the "crush" forever, that's why those hopeless romantics expect you to do the impossible to have their old feelings of excitement, wonder, uncertainty, etc, and then move to someone else (that is not familiar to them)

 

[9006]

I'm afraid that it's something you have to accept, as "wrong" as it may seem, you's weren't together. I know it's not a nice thing, and probably thought of as cheeting, but you seriously have to think about how much you want to be with her, is this something that's gonna be an issue? If so, then maybe it's not such a good idea.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What them both said above. ^

Am I allowed to feel like this? Or is it ok for her to of slept with her ex as they were apart?

I'm completely clueless on how to progress now. This amongst various other situations going on in my life right now, I've hit rock bottom.

Of course you're allowed to feel this - true feelings should never be denied. You love her and it's something that hurts to learn about. As painful as it is, you do realise that you two were broken up when she slept with her ex? So in a way it isn't exactly cheating.. she probably was seeking comfort someone to fill up that hole.. and he was there... so.. yeah. It sucks, but it's human nature.. and not many people have that self-control or realisation.

How to progress now is to talk about this with her. Clear the doubts and questions and discuss what you guys both want now. If you both want to work at this, then are you able to get past that fact that something went on between them while you two were not together? If you are able to and can do it.. then go for it, man. If you don't think you can.. and that this issue is a big deal.. don't force yourself just because the idea of having her back with you is great. You might regret it in the long term because the unresolved issue will only grow.. into some sort of negativity or resentment.

Good luck, Legato.