Relationship regrets

[EveWasFramed]

What is the biggest regret that you've ever had regarding a past or current relationship?

NOTE: This thread is for a good learning tool. Please, no nasty or hurtful comments about anyone.

 

[Badjedidude]

I regret using this girl like I did...and not respecting her as a person. I was an ass.

----Steve

 

[EveWasFramed]

I regret using this girl like I did...and not respecting her as a person. I was an ass.

----Steve

Did you learn anything from it, Steve? (no, not being smart, lol)

 

[Badjedidude]

Did you learn anything from it, Steve?

Of course...but I still regret doing it. -_- I can only hope that she understands that we were both young and didn't know much about how to work a relationship....and that she's not bitter about it.

----Steve

 

[VanillaCreme]

Believing that he would be different. It wasn't. I just cared about and loved him more than the rest.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I regreted not calling my ex-gf a spankfaced ***** when I was spanking her

Seriously though...to me there's a difference between regrets and remorse.
I did a lot of things in my life which I'm remorseful for. It's very difficult to repair the damages and wrackage I've cuased.

Regrets
I took Jenni for granted. I took her life for granted. I took life for granted.
I was so afraid of getting hurted again, I felt she was too good for me. So I made up excuses of this or that should happen first.
The woman scared the living honeysuckle out of me. What the fresia am I going to do now that someone the truley loves me came into my life?
The perfect woman. The woman of my dreams...( btw Jenni is a brunette ). She had flaws...but she was willing to admit she had them.
I have jornals that I wrote about her. How much I really love her. I did asked her. She did say yes. She gave me her answer.
However it was when she asked me if I love her ...straight up. I never gave her an answer even though every part of me was saying yes.
I took her granted that she would always be around.

Btw...one night after being very heart broken, crying my heart out. Something (god) told me to just make a list of what i want out of life.
It seems so corney at that moment...but hey I was at the end of my ropes and figure I had nothing to lose.
I also made a list of the perfect women...all of her traits, looks,...etc and stuck it on my frigg.
I had it down to the key. I even put her hieght, eyes colour. I even kind of put her name on it...just for kicks...becuase i figure i might as will...it was ultimate wish list.
I put the inital of my daighter's name, the letter "J". Her name had to start with the letter J. It was just for kicks.( I was tempting god sort of speak)
With in 45 days of making that list....Jenni knocked on my front door.

The woman scared the living honeysuckle out of me...God sent her to me. I was afraid of love.
Jenni was a warrior....There's a book call "The Dream Giver" (god). It's one of my favorite books.
In the story..Oridnary came across a worrior that was battling gaints...She died trying to follow her dreams.
Her dream was to overcome death. She also paved a way for ordinary to follow his dreams.
He cried for days after burring her. Even after defeating the ultimate giant of darkness, ordinary never forgot about her...She paved a way for him with her life.
How did ordinary defeated the ultimate giant of darkness?...He laid down all his weapons and LET GO....

 

[Tyche]

I had a guy that loved me, but ignored him and spent most of my days sleeping. I regret that, and just as i fell in love, i agreed that we should break up.

 

[EveWasFramed]

lol..."spankface" will now be the next internet sensation.

 

[nerdygirl]

I regret pushing him away so much. I do not know that I learned a thing, though. I'm sure it will happen again and again.

 

[Brian]

Oh god. Why not just change the title of the thread to 'Brian, come in here and cry and whine like you have fifty times before'?

'Cause that's what I'm about to do.

...I've sat here not typing for ten minutes after typing the line above this one. I've tried to think of how to start, how to express my regret, how to put in to words not yet used the scope, the breadth of this particular regret. Because that is the most appropriate way to start on the subject. But I cannot think of any that appropriately describe it.

I suppose I'll start by saying, as I think I have before, that her name was Alex. I was 16 and I met her online. We lived in the same state, but too far away to viably visit. But her and I stayed up countless times in to the small hours of the morning talking to eachother. It's one of the most beautiful memories I have so far in my life, having her to talk to. She was a year younger than myself. She was breathtakingly gorgeous (she still is) and very bright and insightful.

I regret that when I finally met her, that I couldn't manage to muster the strength to talk to her more than a little. I regret that maybe she found me dull because of it, and I regret not pushing through my own shyness to help her work around her own and be comfortable with me. I regret not fighting my dad's decision that I not go alone to see her, for I think if I had things would have gone better. I regret that she isn't with me now, because I doubt I'll ever find anybody who more suits my fancy.

I regret that I cannot forget about her, yet at the same time I regret that I have forgotten enough that I no longer feel sad as often as I used to when I look at her pictures. I habitually keep track of her via myspace, flickr, and now the website for the dog kennel she just started (specific to a breed of dog she absolutely loves...I'm sure she'll do great with it). It's nothing perverted or malicious; but it lets me feel like I still know her just a little. I suppose I feel a little better knowing that on some level, that girl used to like me.

I used to feel forlorn when I would check up on her. I felt like someone was drilling in to my pleural cavity with a dull ice auger when suddenly pictures of her new boyfriend (evidently, the love of her life) popped up. I cried when they took a trip to Scandinavia and posted pictures, and he had his arm around her silhouetted by that sea-side sunset. I felt pangs of jealousy when he took a picture of her on their cabin bed, playing chess, in her pajamas. For four years I have followed and watched from a distance, like a phantom forgotten by all but time.

Gradually the pain has subsided. Now and again, it resurfaces with great vengeance and I fall in to depression completely. Sometimes when I dwell on the subject; sometimes completely unprovoked. But with that, I have become concerned with another matter: I worry that I am forgetting her.

And forgetting the person I once cared about most, one who cared about me as I did here...that would be the biggest regret of all.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

I regret hurting my first love because she hurt me. Two wrongs truly don't make a right.

 

[TheWickedOne]

I regret having spent 4 years in a relationship that I deluded myself into thinking would work. I regret that I did not have the self confidence to say to myself, self, this ain't gonna work out, get out of this, and do something else with your life.

I regret that I work with the man I consider the love of my life, if I believed in love. I regret that he is too messed up to date me. I regret that I ever met him. I regret seeing him every **** day.

What have I learned?

1. Don't stay in a relationship just to have a relationship. Not worth the toll it takes on your soul.

2. Don't get involved with people you work with! Even if they're in a different department!

 

[cheaptrickfan]

My biggest regret was that I didn't try harder to reconnect with my husband when we were both grieving the death of our baby. We mourned separately and alone, unable to cling to each other for support. In time, the distance between us grew until, when we finally awoke from the stupor, that gap was just too large to bridge.

In retrospect, I wish that I had been able to set aside some of my pain and reach out to him to comfort him. I don't even know if that was possible; perhaps we were doomed to end up like this. Maybe some things are just too much to overcome, but perhaps things in the marriage might not have degenerated quite so badly if he had felt that I was there for him unconditionally. For that, I am filled with regret.

So I suppose that the lesson I can take from these awful circumstances is that I should not close myself off and shut everyone out when times get rough, because the people you expect to stay with you might not be there in the end.


Edit: That last part sounded self-serving now that I read it.

I don't mean that the only reason I should not close myself off is so that I won't lose someone, but that I should be more aware of what the people around me need. I am a mom, after all. That mommy-guilt can be a killer when you can't provide the comfort for people.

Ugh, honeysuckle. Now I sound like a martyred mother. I should just shut up and move on.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

My biggest regret was that I didn't try harder to reconnect with my husband when we were both grieving the death of our baby. We mourned separately and alone, unable to cling to each other for support. In time, the distance between us grew until, when we finally awoke from the stupor, that gap was just too large to bridge.

In retrospect, I wish that I had been able to set aside some of my pain and reach out to him to comfort him. I don't even know if that was possible; perhaps we were doomed to end up like this. Maybe some things are just too much to overcome, but perhaps things in the marriage might not have degenerated quite so badly if he had felt that I was there for him unconditionally. For that, I am filled with regret.

So I suppose that the lesson I can take from these awful circumstances is that I should not close myself off and shut everyone out when times get rough, because the people you expect to stay with you might not be there in the end.

aww ctf. (((ctf)))

 

[cheaptrickfan]

aww ctf. (((ctf)))

Thanks. I'll take any hugs I can get today.

 

[mintymint]

Thanks. I'll take any hugs I can get today.

Here's one more (((CTF)))



I don't know if I have any regrets in this area...looking back I think I have done the best I can... I try to do the right thing and be a good person... honeysuckle still hits the fan though... ahh well... I feel like I have the moral high ground and a pulverized heart to show for it... how do you spell pyrhic victory ctf? lol

God I sound like an arrogant little *******

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Thanks. I'll take any hugs I can get today.

Here's one more (((CTF)))

Thanks, minty. xo

I don't know if I have any regrets in this area...looking back I think I have done the best I can... I try to do the right thing and be a good person... honeysuckle still hits the fan though... ahh well... I feel like I have the moral high ground and a pulverized heart to show for it... how do you spell pyrhic victory ctf? lol

God I sound like an arrogant little *******

Pyrrhic victory.

And no, you don't sound like an arrogant *******. If you have a personal code of conduct and stick to it, you're staying true to yourself. That's not arrogance. I think it verges onto the territory of arrogance when you try to apply your moral code to others.

 

[Steel]

I regret hurting someone I cared about, and seeing it in her eyes.

 

[Badjedidude]

My biggest regret was that I didn't try harder to reconnect with my husband when we were both grieving the death of our baby. We mourned separately and alone, unable to cling to each other for support.

That's actually fairly common when a married couple loses a child, I think. They tend to break apart to deal with it seperately...I guess it's natural human nature or something. :/ So I'm not sure if this is something you could have dealt with differently or not. *hugs for ctf*

----Steve

 

[cheaptrickfan]

My biggest regret was that I didn't try harder to reconnect with my husband when we were both grieving the death of our baby. We mourned separately and alone, unable to cling to each other for support.

That's actually fairly common when a married couple loses a child, I think. They tend to break apart to deal with it seperately...I guess it's natural human nature or something. :/ So I'm not sure if this is something you could have dealt with differently or not. *hugs for ctf*

----Steve

I absolutely agree. Ironically, one thing all of the therapists stressed was how this experience could bring us closer together and strengthen our relationship.

They completely avoided mentioning how it could spin the other way and bring about the end. I imagine that they were trying to "keep us positive" and avoid any mention of more trauma lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I do know from talking to others who've gone through a loss like this that many of them ended up divorcing, though it's difficult to say if that was the factor that tipped the scale, y'know?

Thanks, Steve.