Relationships are so difficult to obtain these days (bit of a rant)

[mindsplayintricksonme]

It's hard when there's no one around your age to get to know and have an emotional connection to.
Online dating is even worse. It's now just a cesspool for hook-ups and one night stands and the bot accounts that supply false hope for a new opportunity to get to know someone are not doing justice.

I've been alone in the relationship sense going on 4 years. It gets pretty lonely sometimes and I often think that there's just no one out there for me: no one who could accept me for who I am.
I don't have a criminal past, I don't do drugs, I rarely drink. I'm looking to go to college in January, but even that's on the fence right now due to COVID and financial issues.

A few family members have said to stop looking for someone: when you stop looking, that's when you find someone.

I've stopped looking for 4 years and yet nothing happened. I'm almost ready to give up on having relationships period because it's gotten to the point where I'm just never going to find someone to have an emotional connection with.

Even just having a friend would be good. I have a good friend, but he only talks to me and comes to visit me once in a blue moon. I can't blame him because he has a life and friends of his own and I'm thankful he even comes to visit. He's mainly doing his own thing.

I've tried the online dating scene, and that doesn't work out either. It just seems like all people are doing on those dating apps and dating sites is to try and get as many Snapchat followers as possible. It's just a big pissing contest that I want no part in. Also, nudes. I don't like being sent nudes because I don't find it appealing. It's also because it's common knowledge that whatever you post on those apps is being monitored, which is a pretty uncomfortable thought in it's own right.

 

[lotsarocks]

Completely agree, my experience on dating apps have been the same. I don’t doubt people are able to find partners on such apps, but I have not had a personal positive experience either. The profiles are very generic and people seem to want payoff for little effort, or perhaps want to rush into things right away. Whatever the incompatibility, I haven’t had much luck on those either, which is unfortunate as I am only able to interact socially mainly online.

 

[mindsplayintricksonme]

Completely agree, my experience on dating apps have been the same. I don’t doubt people are able to find partners on such apps, but I have not had a personal positive experience either. The profiles are very generic and people seem to want payoff for little effort, or perhaps want to rush into things right away. Whatever the incompatibility, I haven’t had much luck on those either, which is unfortunate as I am only able to interact socially mainly online.

I'm also one for interacting socially online. It's less stressful for me, and I can articulate what I want to say much better than in person or over a phone call for example.

I also agree with the point you brought up: wanting payoff for little effort and rushing into things.

I had a wise man once tell me that a lot of people now a days do not want you for who you are, but for what you have or own. I find this especially true.

I also find that a lot of people will not even bother to look at you unless you offer something that other people don't offer. On the other hand, if you stand out too much then people will think of you as being a weird person, and other labels that I won't say or get into.

And then there are people who tell you to just be yourself. But when you do that and it's gets nowhere, then it just makes you think "What the f***?)

Now dating is just a game of presenting your best self by hiding your true self in order to get views on a dating profile and matches: I haven't once met anyone my age (21) that presents themselves for who they really are. They just slap a few selfies and pictures of their ***** and abs in order to get matches, and then turn around and say "looks don't matter". Like bull-crap they don't matter.

Sorry, I'm just putting my thoughts into words.

 

[Bratwurst0516]

It's hard when there's no one around your age to get to know and have an emotional connection to.
Online dating is even worse. It's now just a cesspool for hook-ups and one night stands and the bot accounts that supply false hope for a new opportunity to get to know someone are not doing justice.

I've been alone in the relationship sense going on 4 years. It gets pretty lonely sometimes and I often think that there's just no one out there for me: no one who could accept me for who I am.
I don't have a criminal past, I don't do drugs, I rarely drink. I'm looking to go to college in January, but even that's on the fence right now due to COVID and financial issues.

A few family members have said to stop looking for someone: when you stop looking, that's when you find someone.

I've stopped looking for 4 years and yet nothing happened. I'm almost ready to give up on having relationships period because it's gotten to the point where I'm just never going to find someone to have an emotional connection with.

Even just having a friend would be good. I have a good friend, but he only talks to me and comes to visit me once in a blue moon. I can't blame him because he has a life and friends of his own and I'm thankful he even comes to visit. He's mainly doing his own thing.

I've tried the online dating scene, and that doesn't work out either. It just seems like all people are doing on those dating apps and dating sites is to try and get as many Snapchat followers as possible. It's just a big pissing contest that I want no part in. Also, nudes. I don't like being sent nudes because I don't find it appealing. It's also because it's common knowledge that whatever you post on those apps is being monitored, which is a pretty uncomfortable thought in it's own right.

The woman I found. Is the wrong one for now. While her personable nature is attractive. Her beauty is natural because she isn't plastered with makeup. Her beauty puts Actress/Model Brook Shields and Super Model Cheryl Tiegs to shame, and we do have quite a few things in common. She is my grief counselor. I started seeing her on a weekly basis, last November. After the woman I loved, suddenly died on 9/6/2021 of undiagnosed Heart Disease. I have tried everything I can think of. To get my grief counselor romantically out of my head(for now at least). But nothing has worked. I was almost scammed out of a lot of $, several times. According to the American Counseling Associations 'Code of Conduct'. There can't be any communications for five years from the last session. I agree with you about the dating sites, why pay $ for that.

 

[Sunless Sky]

It's hard when there's no one around your age to get to know and have an emotional connection to.
Online dating is even worse. It's now just a cesspool for hook-ups and one night stands and the bot accounts that supply false hope for a new opportunity to get to know someone are not doing justice.

I've been alone in the relationship sense going on 4 years. It gets pretty lonely sometimes and I often think that there's just no one out there for me: no one who could accept me for who I am.
I don't have a criminal past, I don't do drugs, I rarely drink. I'm looking to go to college in January, but even that's on the fence right now due to COVID and financial issues.

A few family members have said to stop looking for someone: when you stop looking, that's when you find someone.

I've stopped looking for 4 years and yet nothing happened. I'm almost ready to give up on having relationships period because it's gotten to the point where I'm just never going to find someone to have an emotional connection with.

Even just having a friend would be good. I have a good friend, but he only talks to me and comes to visit me once in a blue moon. I can't blame him because he has a life and friends of his own and I'm thankful he even comes to visit. He's mainly doing his own thing.

I've tried the online dating scene, and that doesn't work out either. It just seems like all people are doing on those dating apps and dating sites is to try and get as many Snapchat followers as possible. It's just a big pissing contest that I want no part in. Also, nudes. I don't like being sent nudes because I don't find it appealing. It's also because it's common knowledge that whatever you post on those apps is being monitored, which is a pretty uncomfortable thought in it's own right.

I don't mean to sound dismissive to your struggles, they are valid, but consider this, you are 21 years old, that's way too young to worry yourself about these things. Don't worry my dude, you've got plenty of time.

I would focus more on having a close collection of friends. Part of finding a good partner relies heavily sometimes on networking. So go out and mingle, whether on social media or at a bar or coffee shop. You said you have a friend that sometimes visits you. Maybe he can introduce you to his friends. You can use that opportunity to network. Don't expect to make a connection with everyone you meet. You will meet a lot of people who are shallow or only want superficial things but its a numbers game after all, the more people you have in your network, the more likely you will meet someone through said network.

I might as well be talking to myself here

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I've only ever met partners while out and about. One I met at school, and the other at some other social gathering. Both situations were really quite lucky.

At school for example, college, I had attended college for approximately 1 whole year, before I met some one of interest, and asked her out for coffee some time, finally.

Another woman I met at a protest. I will say, each and every time, I wasn't actually, 'looking,' for anyone. I remember going to a protest another time, thinking, 'hey, maybe I'll meet some one again,' and... NOPE. I just ended up talking to a bunch really passionate younger dudes, oh whom, I didn't really want to be associating with lol.

I do think it quite important though, to get out. If you regularly attend 2 events a week, of things you actually have an interest in, it's more likely you will meet some one of like mind and some one who is compatible. Though if your regularly attended interests don't have anyone attending who could be potential partner material, then it's unlikely you'll meet some one. My computer courses at college were a 1/20 female to male ratio; so that wasn't likely going to lead to meeting some one of interest. You have to be a bit judicious in your choices. Now, had I chosen acting classes, I would have met some ladies, or at least been around some; but, with my low confidence at the time, it's unlikely I would have had any chances there. I think that's why they say, 'when you stop looking you'll find some one.' It's not because that will actually happen; but, it's more like, when you've lost your keys and have looked everywhere, but still can't find them. But, when you finally give up on looking for your keys, and give your mind a rest, and do other things, suddenly it just pops into your head. "Oh, yeah, I left them in such and such drawer!" Some times our searching gets in the way of our finding. Not always, but often enough for it to be a cliche.

It really is a bit like, 'fishing.' That's why they say there are, 'plenty of fish.' You have to pick a good spot, have a little luck, some patience, good timing, etc.. Mostly everyone hates the dating part, it's tough for everyone, even the people who do well at it, usually loathe it.

If you look at other people in relationships, ya know, these are people who... met at work, met at college, met at some local get together of some kind. Maybe people even meet each other at grocery stores or just doing day to day stuff. Rarely do you hear people say, 'we met online and bridged the long-distance gap.' You will hear people say, 'they met on a dating app/site,' but I think places like that work better for certain types of people. I know for me, I'm very shy, and picky, when it comes to dating sites; so, I end up with like 5 good matches, and I have no interest in any of them, and then I just wait. Wait for what? Those were probably the only 5 I had even a slight chance with.

21 is a damn good place to start though. You'll have chances to meet people at school, jobs, and just all the life there is to live, in general.

A car won't sell itself sitting in the garage, locked up. You just gotta be visible, and engaging, at least to a certain degree. And all the better if you, 'aren't really looking,' because then you can make the best of whatever situation you are in, without desperately just going through the motions to try and, 'find some one.'

For example, I could join a sewing circle to try and meet ladies, and it's likely the female to male ratio would be very good; BUT, if I did so, with the only intent being, to meet some one, it would probably be quite obvious and not very fruitful. If I joined because I was actually interested in sewing, however, I might make some friends, go out for a few dinners, get to know people, and maybe, just by way of increasing the size of my social circle, open up a possibility or two of meeting some one.

There are always the bars, and clubs, and things like that. There are the dating sites, speed dating groups, etc.. I just can't get into that stuff...

If you feel you are ready for a relationship, or would like one, maybe just put it out to the universe in your own way, a prayer, a request to the universe. And then just focus on other things and let the universe take care of it for a bit. And then just keep your eyes open for opportunities to get out, socialize, engage, etc..

 

[Kamaione]

I might be a bit off topic here, and to be honest, I haven't yet read anyone else's entries. I think it's time I went celibate. I have tried the online dating thing multiple times and it also doesn't work for me. The men I encounter IRL don't seem to be interested in me. (I have adult acne, am slightly overweight, and I also smoke, at least for today; so that could be part of it.) I seem to keep encountering scammers, so I believe when I am honest about what I am looking for, I somehow attract them. As I have said once before on this site, it is better to want something you can't have than it is to have something you don't want. Alone doesn't have to mean lonely! My main conundrum is that I am a very affectionate person, and that is what I miss the most besides just companionship. But lack of affection may just be the price I have to pay for peace of mind, and that is not as negative as it sounds! Sorry if this sounds angry, but I am, at least a bit; though I am more upset with myself than anyone else.