Self-Esteem vs Confidence?

[sighh]

I've been thinking about why I am feeling so lonely these days. Maybe it's because I am starting to feel desperate to find new friends and hopefully a person that can be with me for the rest of my life. Currently in my second year of college, I only have two years left to improve my repulsive behavior, assuming that life after college will make it harder to meet new people. Two years isn't a whole lot of time for change, so I thought long and hard about what makes me so shy, and why am I so afraid to meet new people. I've boiled it down to self-esteem and confidence, which I both completely lack.

I searched online to see if there were any correlation between self-esteem and confidence, and I found this interesting article. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but I find it interesting nonetheless. From this, it seems that you can appear confident, and yet have low self-esteem. In addition, it seems that if you have high self-esteem, confidence should come in naturally. I guess this means confidence and self-esteem aren't the same.

So my question to you is how do I improve my social life? Do I work on my self-esteem and confidence? I've heard much talk about the "keep faking our confidence till we believe it," but how? I'll never think good things about myself. I really want to improve my self-esteem, and baby-steps suggestions will be most helpful!

Oh wait, I guess I could join clubs at school, go to the gym, anything to get INVOLVED. Too bad none interests me...

 

[spectacles]

Trying to build self steem and confidence is difficult, specially if u think u cant find any good qualities in u. Are u a responsible person? (Im sure if u are in 2nd year at college u are) Are u generous? Do u try to be nice to ppl? Do u care for others? Im sure the answer for those questions is yes, so there u have lots of positive qualities that u completely ignore about urself. I dont know u, if not I would be able to tell u
Baby steps are a great idea, and the thinking that it will take some time will lessen the pressure u may feel now. Just focus on one thing u would like to change per day or even per week. For example, to be able to connect to ppl more, start one week trying to say hello to ppl in u class that u never talk to, even ppl that u may see every day. Stablish eye contact (I know its hard for shy ppl, but try to do it) Try even to say hello to strangers u see in the streets, walking by or in the bus stop, or in the grocery store. U may find that some ppl would say hi back, some other wont, but dont be discouraged. That would be a great start. The following week or whenever u feel like u try to start a conversation, talk about the weather, the classes, the news, whatever. Try to set ur objectives. This is just an example. U can do the same with the eating habits or the sleeping habits. It just takes the willing to do it, u have to think U CAN do it, that u have control over ur actions and that u really need to change ur attitudes if u really want to see results. And most important be patient, sometimes we go two steps foward and one back, but never give up. Try to think what u would change the next time u talk to a person if a conversation u started fails. I mean take all ur attempts as a way to learn from urself.
Most important of all, THINK u can do changes and visualize urself with a better future. It sounds ur mind is blocking ur progress. It has happened to me too, so I can undertand u. Im sure u can do it.
Best of luck!

 

[sighh]

I have tried talking to random people before, and I must say, it was very awkward. The conversation doesn't last any longer than like 1 minute because I just don't know what to say. I get these awkward silence followed by a goodbye and I don't enjoy it very much.
It would be nice if I had something to talk about, and maybe the best thing to talk about is our interests. Too bad I don't have any interest that is interesting.

Also, I think I am way too nice. I'll always agree with people's opinion. Is this a good or bad thing? I don't know. All I know is I need tons of work on my self-esteem. I've accepted the fact that I will NEVER find a girlfriend if I don't work on my self-esteem first.

 

[spectacles]

Once I had this job where all my co workers where like15 years older than me, and I felt completely out of place. I couldnt talk to them, I had nothing in common with them. They were ALL married, with kids and I was like the young single without kids girl. So, this lack of connection was affection my job coz we had to work in teams. So I analized the situation and figured out what I was doing wrong, as I wasnt interested in what they were talking about (usually their kids or husbands) I was reading or listening to music when we were together in breaks. So I started using some linguistic knowledge that can help u too. I changed my attitude of course, Even when I couldnt relate to what they were talking about I showed interest. I started making questions about the information gaps. Always think about the when, where, how,questions. If they are talking about something and they didnt mention the time, ask for that. Agreeing is ok, try to give also ur point of view, say WHY u agree with them. That makes the speaker feel u are listening to him/her and that u are paying attention. We all feel good when we feel listened. U have to go out there and practise, even if u feel conversations are awkward at the beginning. And try to be positive, say the same thing in a positive way, for example: "I will increase my chances of getting a girlfriend as I build my self steem and confidence". Try to get rid of that negativeness if u want others to accept u. Its hard I know, but try it Eventually u will get used to think about u in a better way and that will make u feel better.

 

[Ladysphinx]

Work on your self-esteem first, once you feel better about who you are then learing confidence will be easier. You don't even need to talk to lots of ppl to raise your self-esteem.

To do this you must first learn to accept what you can not change, this is self-acceptance. Remember you don't need to be perfect to like your self, but you have to learn to enjoy being you when your alone. Never say oh my intrests aren't intresting, if you enjoy them they must be intresting other wise they won't be intrests.

Don't let your body esteem dictate your self-esteem. For one I haae the mirror, hate photo's cause I don't like what I see but I still don't have that much of a low-selfesteem. I have many other issues but all in all I love WHO I am. I love my sense of humour, I love that I am adventures, I love my ability to see things differently.

Try to find more intrests you can follow, you don't need to join clubs if you don't want to.

Main thing is to learn to like who you are things will fall into place after that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

KEEP IT SIMPLE AND DONT OVER ANYLIZE IT...

SELFESTEEM is YOUR SELFWORTH...
not other's worth...

Confidence is BELIVNG In YOURSELF.

other people are just humans just like you...they all bleed just you. They dont have all the answers to the mistery of life.

The way people live or believe
are just all perfernce...one is not better than the other...just differnce...chioces and perfernce..
That is all....