Self-Punishment

[Ak5]

I feel like my brain is divided, entirely. There's this emotional part and there is the rational part. I listen to both of them, but it's hard to "choose" one if you get what I mean.

My brain usually punishes me from time to time; why it does, I have no idea, this is way I feel. Hopefully I can get some feedback from you guys.

Anyway, I am lonely, and in this present time there is nothing I can be able to do to make friends (except online ). The only time I can make friends is in two months when I go to school. So here I am waiting for those two months, and the emotional part of my brain absolutely loves self-pity/self-punishment. I feel sad because I can't make friends, but I try to rationalize "I can't make friends now, why am I punishing myself? It isn't my fault right now, cause it's out of my control". Why do I have to punish myself? Doesn't make any sense to me. Possibly because I feel remorse that I didn't make friends because it was my fault, when I had the opportunity? I'm not sure. But still, it doesn't make any sense to me; while the accurate time for self-punishment would be if I had the opportunity to make friends but I didn't because I decided not to!

I try to think hard and make my thoughts/emotions change, so far nothing. Or, this could be just a feeling of loneliness and would go away.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Guilt is a trainned emotional respons.

Some poeple term the lower part of your brain or your amphibian brain as the EGO.
You basic survival instick. (the 7 deadly sins). Mix that **** up with guilt and shame, you'll
get a recipit for self dystrutions, self sabatage.

 

[Ian Haines]

Hi...

Bathing in self-pity, to my own view, is not only a right of all people, but is very seductive in drawing us back, to do it again, and again.

We run (sometimes using only inner feelings without words or pictures) this darkish "glow" of deeply felt emotion at how sad would be our situations in the minds of those learning of us.

It's like somebody who adores going and renting really sad, weepie movies, even though things that make us cry in sadness are imagined likely to make us avoid those things, again. That movie-watcher actually hunts down storylines to make themselves cry...possibly sensing a therapeutic benefit.

Lonely people usually don't need the movies to make them cry, even if they find that weepies do tend to cause significant leakage, here and there. Lonely people are living their own sad movie and the crying is always ready to use, for those not afraid to let it out. Some people indulging in this self-sadness movie show are afraid to cry, because they suspect that they might "explode" with the resulting hysteria that they have too often felt, as they blubber on, almost uncontrollably on those occasions.

I think that the process is the same for the "Black Wallow"...that few moments, or minutes, in every (or just any) day when we run our own tragedy's video feed, within us, all about the epic lack of adventures we are managing to achieve, in any friendships or other relationships.

Sometimes, it can make us cry as we run the video and feel the feelings. Often, it need not get that far...many people simply para-enjoy the feelings of self-pity, shake themselves and switch their attention to other things, instead, soon after.

To me, self-pity is like going over a problematic situation, to include details and feelings, in order to see if there is anything new in our minds' "Ideas Department" about what to do to end our personal tragedy.

Self pity is an invitation, from us, to us, to cry and release pressure, while maybe serving as a therapeutic reminder that we need to try harder to remove the misery aspect of our waking hours. Nature doesn't listen to us when we say how few ideas we seem to be coming up with...it just goes on and passes us by.

There's a lot to be said for digging deep within ourselves, and bringing up some old-fashioned prehistoric tendencies...it can move us on, provided we identify it as being there for that, and provided that we know what to do with it, next.

Ian.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You should listen to your rational side over your emotional most of the time. As long as your rational side isn't siding with your emotional side just to comfort you.

Get your rational side to talk to your emotional side, you have the right train of though there. Right now it is out of your control sort of, not like there is a lot for kids your age to go out and do. Plus you have people to answer to at the moment.

Be patient, 2 months will fly by. Before you know it you'll be back in school and fearing that first day.

 

[Ak5]

^Exactly what my rational part says. I ain't missing out on things, yet. My emotional says otherwise lol. It's like I want to feel bad, that's why I think it's remorse.