Self reflection

[Sunless Sky]

There are threads about what you want in a partner or what would be a deal breaker but what if you took a second or two to self reflect?

What would make you a lousy partner?

This question is meant for self reflection, not to beat yourself up.

 

[Finished]

Too independant. I don't need anybody else. I don't like being around other people. That has been a really bad quality in past relationships.

 

[SecondStarTotheRight]

Hmm, haven't seen those threads yet.
... I need too much time and space alone to do things I enjoy. Get frustrated if I can't finish a project, and then feel guilty I'm not paying enough attention to someone else.
I don't like being around a whole lot of people and get impatient if individuals are not self-aware, especially if they're older.
I keep odd hours and sleeping patterns, no set schedule (the opposite of what most people are supposed to do or need to do for stability) but feel freer and happier that way.
Maybe that's the biggest issue - I have to feel free. And in my experience, people have resented it and tried to control too much.

 

[Abstamyous]

I discuss things to the death, rather than wait to see them take form in due time. I would rather work than go out socially for the most part. I block people from getting to know me. I can give up really easily, or I can get super pushy trying to resolve something. I'm not always the most organized. I'm not always the most forgiving.

 

[MissBehave]

I'm stuck as a child.
Too many Daddy issues aswell.

 

[bender22]

This is a good question. I like having a lot of time to myself and probably would find it difficult to give a lot of partner's the time they want. I can also be difficult to talk to when the subject is about something I have no interest in.

 

[4No1]

Except my looks.... I eat sweets and sometimes other junk food, I am will-less (not sure what a word fits better) and a little bit lazy.
I can't control my emotions well, excpecially when I'm tired, I can get mad very fast and scream or use some offensive words or sometimes even hit some subjects(a wall, a table, a tyre, smth that can stand it of course).
I don't know a lot of things, I don't know the stories, I forget a lot of things I read about, so I doubt I'm an interesting companion.
I'm also always busy and don't have a lot of time, and I need some time on my own, just to sit somewhere alone. And I am independent. I need some space, I even would prefer a guest marriage, so I still have my own home the way I like it to be.

 

[Sarah G]

It depends on the relationship. In this relationship I'm definitely more nagging and controlling than I like. I got into this relationship as a submissive person wanting to avoid responsibility but have had to become bossy, which I hate.

I feel more like a mother than a wife. I don't even know what the heck is going on, tbh.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What makes me a lousy partner is my flirtatious nature... Ugh guys with brothers just shouldn't even bother dating me.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I'm not a lousy partner.
I'm lousy in a lot of ways; but, not as a partner.
I'm not perfect though, far from it...

I absolutely _despise_ the term deal breaker. I'm not making any deals with anyone. That terminology can take a damn hike.

Falling in love isn't a ******* deal to be made. People are watching too much shark tank or something. People have preferences and make decisions based on them, simple.

 

[Colster]

Let's see.

Intelligence doesn't go down too well. I'm certainly no Einstein. However, I love topical debate, news, current affairs, etc. This doesn't bode well with today's superficial and eternally distracted generation.

I used to think of myself as moody. Yet now, I realise that I simply like time alone. I like silence too. When I am doing tasks, I am best left alone. Yeah, I can be very gregarious and charming, but often my inner monologue is screaming "Just **** off, and leave me alone".

My security with myself, often annoys people. I like to think that I know my own faults and foibles, and generally like the weird little dude that I am. Whereas, a lot of folks are insecure, neurotic, and seek affirmations from others. Many people's values and behaviours are altered by social fashions. I'm not like that, I speak my mind, have my own opinions. Never yielding for popularity or acceptance. But equally so, my appearance or tastes, I am unapologetic about these too.

Living a simple life. I'm slowing turning into the Grandapa from the Lost Boys movie. I could go an live in a hut, high on a hill, no tv, and just a truck and my dog for company. And I dare say, in certain regions, this might be desirable to women too. Here, not so. Here women tend to be graspy money orientated. Bland middle-class men, staunch in routine. Handsome, classically tall, but in no way daring to be different from any of the others. Nondescript, dull, not very intelligent, watches mainstream tv. Politically and historically ignorant. All the things that I am not. It does threaten the locals.

I could turn on the charm, steel one of Rod Stuart's leggy blondes from beneath his nose. But, I really haven't the energy for that any more. Yeah, there are potential loves our there in the world, I do believe in someone for everyone. I just can't be bothered with it, at the moment. Likewise, I realise that my own advertising, as it stands, is not going to get me picked up off the shelf.

Although folks, I did meet an old acquaintance on Monday past, and she did message me this morning. I doubt it's anything romantically inclined, but it is nice to have some genuine human connection.

Would I date me? **** no, my **** is too big!

 

[user 188522]

There are threads about what you want in a partner or what would be a deal breaker but what if you took a second or two to self reflect?

What would make you a lousy partner?

This question is meant for self reflection, not to beat yourself up.

 

[user 188522]

I am not affectionate and do not like to be touched.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Let's see.

Intelligence doesn't go down too well. I'm certainly no Einstein. However, I live topical debate, news, current affairs, etc. This doesn't hide well with today's superficial and eternally distracted generation.

I used to think of myself as moody. Yet now, I realise that I simply like time alone. I like silence too. When I am doing tasks, I am best left alone. Yeah, I can be very gregarious and charming, but often my inner monologue is screaming "Just **** off, and leave me alone".

My security with myself, often annoys people. I like to think that I know my own faults and foibles, and generally like the weird little dude that I am. Whereas, a lot of folks are insecure, neurotic, and seek affirmations from others. Many people's values and behaviours are altered by social fashions. I'm not like that, I speak my mind, have my own opinions. Never yielding for popularity or acceptance. But equally so, my appearance or tastes, I am unapologetic about these too.

Living a simple life. I'm slowing turning into the Grandapa from the List Boys movie. I could go an live in a hut, high on a hill, no tv, and just a truck and my dog for company. And I dare say, in certain regions, this might be desirable to women too. Here, not so. Here women tend to be graspy money orientated. Bland middle-class men, staunch in routine. Handsome, classically tall, but in no way daring to be different from any of the others. Nondescript, dull, not very intelligent, watches mainstream tv. Politically and historically ignorant. All the things that I am not. It does threaten the locals.

I could turn on the charm, steel one of Rod Stuart's leggy blondes from beneath his nose. But, I really haven't the energy for that any more. Yeah, there are potential loves our there in the world, I do believe in someone for everyone. I just can't be bothered with it, at the moment. Likewise, I realise that my own advertising, as it stands, is not going to get me picked up off the shelf.

Although folks, I did meet an old acquaintance on Monday past, and she did message me this morning. I doubt it's anything romantically inclined, but it is nice to have some genuine human connection.

Would I dare me? **** no, my **** is too big!

This just sparks my interest, I love the notion of "someone for everyone", it's the reason I'd feel bad settling... Like what if theres someone who'd love all of him... and I've stole that opportunity.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I'm not cut out for it. Furthermore romantic love kind of goes against everything I philosophically believe in and stand for, so it doesn't really make sense for me to try to fit into the mold of a social narrative that I don't even like or agree with.

I kind of do this thing where when I'm challenged or pressured by other people through socially manipulative tactics I proverbally pull a rabbit out of a hat and punish them for their attempt to undermine the narrative that I have for my own life by clubbing them over the head with their own existential dread regardless of rather or not they've even given me that information to be able to do that in the first place.

I fundamentally believe that power struggles in socio-dynamics only exist as a manifestation of the lack of coming to terms with and making peace with ones own mortality and what it means to be. Those who do achieve this, the very few and far in between, no longer seek to find fulfillment within others. But nearly nobody does that, because it is easier to just run, and plow through conflict with the idea that the ego is crucial to definition.

So because that I know that it's not, and that almost nobody I know agrees, I weaponize that in situations with conflict.
I imagine that eventually I'll probably get shot for this, despite the fact that I only use it defensively.
But that's the chance that I'm willing to take.
Everyone else is taking a chance of the dating pool, I'm taking my chances predominately outside of it, and on purpose, and for good reasons.

Because what do you get when you get a bunch of people who've not selected a path to try to make peace with themselves?
That's how war starts, and how wars falter is the mismanagement of tactical approach and mismanagement of the expenditure of resources.
If anybody's good at chess or another ELO, it's purely mathematical in a similar essence.

So, I just don't date.
To me it's a perfect example of: "hold my beer," and "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

 

[Colster]

This just sparks my interest, I love the notion of "someone for everyone", it's the reason I'd feel bad settling... Like what if theres someone who'd love all of him... and I've stole that opportuni,

A dangerous precedent. Waste your life hoping for something better, or deny yourself happiness. I say the following without malice. I do wonder whether you will ever find any truthful happiness, yet alone true love, until you have figures out who you are, and what your values will be. At the moment, I do think that you are far from this. However, I will happily be proven wrong.

I'm judging not just in the above post, but rather a collective of all our interactions. You dream of ideal situations and scenarios. There also seems a deep rooted grass is always greener, sentiment.

I think with time and experience, you'll have a different outlook. Apologies if that seems condescending, it is not intended. But I am seeing a little girl within a woman's body, thrashing about, trying to conform to parental/cultural expectations, while also rebelling against everything, often without actually knowing why you are rebelling. But, it brings you attention.

You want to be the apple of somebody's eye, fawned over by the mystery man. Someone you feel you can eventually reveal your true self to. Trouble is, you don't seem to know your true self. Probably too, I doubt you are a 50-50 person, and will either manipulate for control and dominance, or push the mystery man away.

Then one day, in your 40's or 50's, the social scene catches up with you. And the decent guys are coupled up. You're left either jaded and have become a lady that lunches for free, still seeking THE mystery man of your life. Or, a cat lady, awaiting conversation with delivery drivers and postmen.

I'm not ever going to suggest you settle, or lower your standards. But rather realise your worth and value to the world. Your dream guy, the mystery man, he's going wherever it's easiest for him to be. How many opportunities do you want to waste laying down parameters and stipulations. What's your value in all this?

Please, prove me wrong!

 

[ewomack]

-I like to talk about topics that other people don't want to go near: ethics, philosophy, the end of the world, history, the fate of the universe, unpleasant aspects of the human condition, etc.
-I like to read a lot, which some people find misanthropic
-I have trouble showing emotions. I was raised by stoics and a lot of that has remained. It has served me extremely well in just about every avenue of life except in relationships - my wife has said that I have never "acted out" at her and she finds that intimidating at times since she would feel guilty for doing the same to me - I don't yell or argue in violent ways ever, which tends to calm the other person down, though a few of my past girlfriends were frustrated that I never "got mad at anything" - I do laugh a lot though, which I hope makes up for it a little
-I'm not fashionable and have little regard for the world of fashion
-I've never wanted children and I still don't want them
-I like to study other languages, so I sometimes roam about the house speaking aloud in French, Spanish, Arabic or Japanese for practice
-I like to live well within my means (probably too much) - no big house, fancy cars, furniture, etc. - my wife and I are still using the set of used dishes she bought at a second-hand store for $16 almost 20 years ago - we do not like loans, so we paid for our condo and cars with cash
-I have trouble making friends and meeting new people
-I'm not a *** maniac - I don't need a lot of *** like many men (and women) do, which has been a problem in past relationships, as I can be annoyingly difficult to seduce
-I can sometimes over-analyze things

I think that's enough confession for now.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

-I like to talk about topics that other people don't want to go near: ethics, philosophy, the end of the world, history, the fate of the universe, unpleasant aspects of the human condition, etc.
-I like to read a lot, which some people find misanthropic
-I have trouble showing emotions. I was raised by stoics and a lot of that has remained. It has served me extremely well in just about every avenue of life except in relationships - my wife has said that I have never "acted out" at her and she finds that intimidating at times since she would feel guilty for doing the same to me - I don't yell or argue in violent ways ever, which tends to calm the other person down, though a few of my past girlfriends were frustrated that I never "got mad at anything" - I do laugh a lot though, which I hope makes up for it a little
-I'm not fashionable and have little regard for the world of fashion
-I've never wanted children and I still don't want them
-I like to study other languages, so I sometimes roam about the house speaking aloud in French, Spanish, Arabic or Japanese for practice
-I like to live well within my means (probably too much) - no big house, fancy cars, furniture, etc. - my wife and I are still using the set of used dishes she bought at a second-hand store for $16 almost 20 years ago - we do not like loans, so we paid for our condo and cars with cash
-I have trouble making friends and meeting new people
-I'm not a *** maniac - I don't need a lot of *** like many men (and women) do, which has been a problem in past relationships, as I can be annoyingly difficult to seduce
-I can sometimes over-analyze things

I think that's enough confession for now.

I'm impressed, you are so self aware! If this isn't self reflection I dont know what is. I have a question... hmm I hope it's okay to ask, do you find that sometimes these "flaws" or "drawbacks" make the relationship stronger?

 

[Finished]

A dangerous precedent....

Summary using Pictures: Ha! HA!

Now

What you want

If you are too picky

I still see that you are hot in all three scenarious though.

 

[Colster]

I am not affectionate and do not like to be touched.

I'm writing, you seem very affectionate, or at least warm natured.