Separation anxiety

[Rosebolt]

Heey guys and galls, here's one some of you might be able to relate to.

Not sure if everyone heard of the term before. Separation anxiety is basicly the anxiety to be separated (orly?) from people that are important you.

I suffer from this quite alot. Always have, well, since i actually started living that is, 3 and a half years ago. I notice it alot on the forum for example. I almost always feel left out, like everyone is having this great deal of fun and i may or may not be included in that, but it doesn't matter.

Yes i know that it's not like that and that i'm important and all that stuff, anyway i just feel like that. Same with friends. I can be there, but if i'm not, there'll be someone else to take my place, so why be there?

I notice that these topics tend to ruin conversation as i seem to be subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) try to get confirmation that these ******** insecurities are indeed ********. It quite greatly affects every interaction i have, so i'm wondering, how do you guys deal with that?

It obviously stems from a lack of self esteem, if i were to improve that, this "side effect" will gradually leave. But oh well, for some reason i felt like making a thread out of this.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Who says people on this forum are having fun? Maybe it's all in your head :l

 

[Ignis]

Yeah, I think that in terms of seperation anxiety it does come down to validation.
You have a need to feel as though you're wanted. When you can't get that feeling that you want, you feel neglected and left-out and feel as though no one cares about you.

How are your friends, acquaintances or family meant to know how you're feeling if you don't tell them though? We aren't mind reader believe it or not... And sometimes we can believe someone is doing absolutely fine when in reality, they're really not.

If you LET the people you care about know that you feel unwanted, that no one cares about you; I'm certain they'd validate that instantly.
Either way though, this is something you'll need to get past by becoming okay with yourself. You seem to feel as though there's something wrong with you as a person, that you're not interesting enough or are repulsing people away... Or that the people you talk to on a regular basis really don't care about you at all.

Which is all wrong, you're an interesting person with a lot to say and I'm sure you'd be damn good to have a conversation with.

So, you need to work on improving that aspect of yourself. Whatever it takes, you need to let yourself know that you're not worthless, because it's true. You need to let yourself know that you ARE an interesting person, that you DO have something to say, and that people will listen.
You have a presence, I've noticed it.

 

[Rosebolt]

How are your friends, acquaintances or family meant to know how you're feeling if you don't tell them though? We aren't mind reader believe it or not... And sometimes we can believe someone is doing absolutely fine when in reality, they're really not.

I actually do tell people that i feel left out and all. And as you say they will instantly say that's not the case and all that good stuff. But for some reason i can't seem to absorb it into my being.

If you LET the people you care about know that you feel unwanted, that no one cares about you; I'm certain they'd validate that instantly.
Either way though, this is something you'll need to get past by becoming okay with yourself. You seem to feel as though there's something wrong with you as a person, that you're not interesting enough or are repulsing people away... Or that the people you talk to on a regular basis really don't care about you at all.

Which is all wrong, you're an interesting person with a lot to say and I'm sure you'd be damn good to have a conversation with.

I have a constant urge to be the best. To be the smartest and most impressive person on this forum, because then people will notice me. I also tend to feel that i don't get as much recognition as i deserve. Which is, to me, some twisted arrogance speaking. Yes it's normal for people to want to be acknowledged, but i've been told time and again that i'm "the nicest person i've ever met" or "there's just something special about you." All that good stuff that most people wish they'd hear, and i'm hearing it all. But there's just some void, i don't know what it is. Some emptiness that cannot be fullfilled by words. At least not by typed words, since all the positivity i get is through the internet. Maybe 90%. Is it ungratefulness? I want to think it is, just so i can call myself and weak and make sure people don't hate me for my arrogance.

I'm extremely arrogant and extremely selfless. Some twisted mixture of insecure security. Now that i think about it i don't even know what or who i am anymore.

I don't know, i feel like must constantly prove again and again that i'm someone worthy of looking at and thinking positively about. Excellence is a habit.

You have a presence, I've noticed it.

So have i. I just need to fight to keep it up. Keep up to expectations, make sure i keep being what i was and am. Being just another forum member isn't enough. Being top ten isn't enough. There's only one member i respect so much when it comes to sheer smartness and presence that i don't mind not being able to top him.

 

[Edward W]

I will just remind you again when I joined that I felt you were one of the main members of the forum, how involved you are and how surprised I was upon learning your age and the fact that you had joined just a short while before me.

I don't know your full story, just scattered bits and pieces I've gathered over our time here, I've said before how I am impressed by your drive and determination, your honesty, loyalty and vision for yourself.

I am sure you will be a success in life, not necessarily the top job or societal status, but something more important, a good man.

Keep forging ahead RB, you have the strength inside.

 

[Rosebolt]

Who says people on this forum are having fun? Maybe it's all in your head :l

I'll show you what i mean by it. Having fun is probably not the best choice of words by me though, i'll agree on that.

A couple of things today - my wife and daughter bringing me Fathers Day cards and pressies, and a little later a really awesome friend.

I had someone on here really brighten my day: )

Well several people made me smile today (Sigma, Eddy, Mike, Scotty, Shippy, Fairy

Those kind of things. Do you see how ridiculous this is of me? It's like i can't seem to respect anything or anyone. I should be happy to these people had a nice day and are feeling good. But NO, Rose has to be the retard and draw it on himself, and feel left out.

Like everyone is happy without me. Some sick craving for power on my part, to have everyone always acknowledge my existance even when they silently do. It's toxic. It's sick. I want to get rid of this disease in me. No the disease that is me.

I just don't know where to even start.

I feel incredibly exposed. People after reading this are sure to think of me as all sorts of bad, and i have nothing to hide behind. It'd be justified of them.

What do i do?

 

[Bei]

I don't really know you but after reading this I don't think you're bad. I'm not sure what you should do but maybe you feel this way because it's all over the internet mostly. I mean the part about you getting positive feedback mostly from online people. Maybe you rely on it so much to make you feel good that when it isn't constant you feel this way and the bad thoughts creep in.

I guess I don't really have any advice. I'm still trying to make connections here because I see a lot of nice people on this forum I would eventually want to get to know and you're one of them.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Rosebolt]

Maybe you rely on it so much to make you feel good that when it isn't constant you feel this way and the bad thoughts creep in.

I do indeed. I guess that's what i'm trying to ask help for in the thread here, to get rid of the extreme part of the validation process, because i've just completely lost how i should go about fixing it. My mind is doing so much already even though it should be healing, there's simply no space to think about how to do this, i try, but i just can't.

I'm still trying to make connections here because I see a lot of nice people on this forum I would eventually want to get to know and you're one of them.

Yes, believe it or not you are also someone i'd like to get in touch with. There are plenty of people i'd like to get to know, and you sure are one of them. I wanted to send you a pm after you wrote that but i guess the state in which i am in now is not the best time to try and make new friends.

 

[Bei]

Yes, believe it or not you are also someone i'd like to get in touch with. There are plenty of people i'd like to get to know, and you sure are one of them. I wanted to send you a pm after you wrote that but i guess the state in which i am in now is not the best time to try and make new friends.

No worries. I plan on sticking around for a while so feel free to pm me when you feel better.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I'm sorry if you feel like that and I know how it feels, when feeling like left out... I even took some break from this forum for a while and it helped a little. Having a very low self-esteem too. I don't know any good advices but I hope you feel better soon! PM box is always open too. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone with those ''left out'' feelings... :/

 

[Bones]

*hugs*