She cancels data by text message - how to respond properly

[BeyondShy]

I don't expect men to initiate anything personally. This whole topic is irrelevant to me. I just can't help but comment when it's said that a consideration is supposed to happen. It wouldn't be a consideration if it's supposed to happen.

I was considering responding to you here but since I didn't know what to say right now and any comment of mine about your latest posts in this thread would be well, inconsiderate being that I stopped reading this thread a few days ago.

Had I been keeping up with this thread I would have given you a considerate answer on why not responding would be inconsiderate or I would have given a inconsiderate response on why it would be ok to give the brush off. Consider that. :shy:

Considerately yours VanillaCreme!

 

[ardour]

No one's owed a forced consideration about canceling a date either. We're not owed an explanation, hence it called being a consideration. They can consider not to do it either.

Yes you're obliged to consider the other person you've voluntarily entered into an agreement with to meet. Sheesh..

Said nothing about an explanation. It's a text stating "I can't make it", nothing more. And you actually think the person who spent all of 10 seconds sending it - thereby saving their date hours of wasted time and expense on petrol/transport - deserves a medal.

But then the two of you are never wrong and obviously incapable of conceding a point, so I'm not sure what else I should have expected.

 

[BeyondShy]

What's the point, I'm arguing with someone who's never wrong...

It's one thing with your little jabs you give to me but try to show some respect to her. Don't do it for me. Do it for her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

No one's owed a forced consideration about canceling a date either. We're not owed an explanation, hence it called being a consideration. They can consider not to do it either.

Yes you're obliged to consider the other person you've voluntarily entered into an agreement with to meet. Sheesh..

Said nothing about an explanation. It's a text stating "I can't make it", nothing more. And you actually think the person who spent all of 10 seconds sending it - thereby saving their date hours of wasted time and expense on petrol/transport - deserves a medal.

But then the two of you are never wrong and obviously incapable of conceding a point, so I'm not sure what else I should have expected.

We're not obligated to consider anything. You may want that. But no one owes you that. No one has the right to not be offended.

 

[ardour]

So if your partner offered to pick you up somewhere at night, didn’t show leaving you in dangerous position, he could use the "I don't owe you" line and you couldn’t justifiably feel bitter. Or perhaps if you left an elderly parent stranded somewhere they shouldn’t feel salty about it either, because hey, no one owes one another...

Expectations of mutual consideration are built into all familial/social bonds; without them nobody would be able to trust each other. Your statement only makes sense when speaking of complete strangers who’ve had nothing to do with one another. A first date doesn’t involve an established bond but it’s an arrangement between two individuals nonetheless. Cancelling is consistent with the kind of civilized society most of us want to live in.. (some obviously not it seems)

I think Ayn Rand would have loved your opinions btw.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So if your partner offered to pick you up somewhere at night, didn’t show leaving you in dangerous position, he could use the "I don't owe you" line and you couldn’t justifiably feel bitter. Or perhaps if you left an elderly parent stranded somewhere they shouldn’t feel salty about it either, because hey, no one owes one another...

Expectations of mutual consideration are built into all familial/social bonds; without them nobody would be able to trust each other. Your statement only makes sense when speaking of complete strangers who’ve had nothing to do with one another. A first date doesn’t involve an established bond but it’s an arrangement between two individuals nonetheless. Cancelling is consistent with the kind of civilized society most of us want to live in.. (some obviously not it seems)

I think Ayn Rand would have loved your opinions btw.

No, he really wouldn't owe me an explanation. I'd sure as hell want one, but he doesn't have to give me one.

Anyway, I think you've gone way overboard with this. That's an extreme example over a senseless date. Even though I just wanted to put my thought out there, you've seem to take it upon yourself to prove I'm wrong, and I'm not. That's what I think and it's not going to be changed. No one owes me anything, especially when they don't have to take me into consideration. It's nice, but not necessary.

 

[bender22]

It would be a lot of trouble if the person has no intention of rescheduling and doesn't want anything to do with the guy.
If they have no intention at all of staying, at least, civil with the guy, why would they bother to cancel, why wouldn't they just stand them up and not send anything at all?

If a girl isn't willing to spend 10 seconds communicating to the guy that she can't make it then she shouldn't agree to meeting up with him in the first place. After someone has agreed to a date I think any guy (or girl) can reasonably expect a message if the other person wishes to cancel.

And so if a girl doesn't have the courtesy to let a guy know she can't make a date it's all good because she doesn't owe him anything....but if a guy doesn't reply to a girl who cancels it's rude as hell?

Surely standing someone up is MUCH ruder than not responding to a text?

 

[ardour]

And so if a girl doesn't have the courtesy to let a guy know she can't make a date it's all good because she doesn't owe him anything....but if a guy doesn't reply to a girl who cancels it's rude as hell?

Surely standing someone up is MUCH ruder than not responding to a text?

You'd think so

 

[TheRealCallie]

It would be a lot of trouble if the person has no intention of rescheduling and doesn't want anything to do with the guy.
If they have no intention at all of staying, at least, civil with the guy, why would they bother to cancel, why wouldn't they just stand them up and not send anything at all?

If a girl isn't willing to spend 10 seconds communicating to the guy that she can't make it then she shouldn't agree to meeting up with him in the first place. After someone has agreed to a date I think any guy (or girl) can reasonably expect a message if the other person wishes to cancel.

And so if a girl doesn't have the courtesy to let a guy know she can't make a date it's all good because she doesn't owe him anything....but if a guy doesn't reply to a girl who cancels it's rude as hell?

Surely standing someone up is MUCH ruder than not responding to a text?

I never said standing someone up isn't rude. It IS rude. That's not the issue though, the girl COULD have stood you up, but instead she sends a text canceling for whatever reason. It would also be rude for you to totally ignore her text.

But hey, if you all want to miss out on even a small opportunity, follow the OP's advice. What do I care....

 

[EveWasFramed]

So if your partner offered to pick you up somewhere at night, didn’t show leaving you in dangerous position, he could use the "I don't owe you" line and you couldn’t justifiably feel bitter. Or perhaps if you left an elderly parent stranded somewhere they shouldn’t feel salty about it either, because hey, no one owes one another...

Expectations of mutual consideration are built into all familial/social bonds; without them nobody would be able to trust each other. Your statement only makes sense when speaking of complete strangers who’ve had nothing to do with one another. A first date doesn’t involve an established bond but it’s an arrangement between two individuals nonetheless. Cancelling is consistent with the kind of civilized society most of us want to live in.. (some obviously not it seems)

I think Ayn Rand would have loved your opinions btw.

Call me old fashioned, but I have to agree with most of what Ardour says here.
I'm not saying anything is "owed" per se, but Id not want to go out with someone who didn't have better manners than that.
Just my two cents...

 

[ToddShark]

Hi all.

Pretty long discussions. I like it.

Here is my summary what I have understood from your replies:

1. The woman doesn't owe any explanation.
2. The man doesn't owe message delivery confirmation. (Good mobile provider does it by default.)

 

[BeyondShy]

Pretty long discussions. I like it.

They sure were, weren't they? I can't wait to see your next flowchart too.