She is great but I lost trust in the opposite ***

[roy1986]

I just got back from a really nice date which got a bit intimate. 

she is 33 and I am 31, so obviously the age thing bugs me a little, however, she and her family are super intelligent ( 2 dentists, 1 doctor, 2 master degree in clinical researchers) and I really enjoy talking to her, but that butterfly feeling is simply not there! 

here is the thing, I got so hurt by other women that I am super cold, nothing goes through me and even though I'm gentle and caring, inside I feel nothing.

Remember my last post where I talked about considering being single for the rest of my life? I honestly ponder the possibility or at least stay single for a year or so.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That butterfly thing isn't always there instantly, so you shouldn't count her out just because of that.

You can't place everything you went through with other women on the entire gender, that's not fair to us or yourself. You need to give yourself time to open up, to trust, to be okay with relationships. Give yourself some time and ask her out again.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

she is 33 and I am 31, so obviously the age thing bugs me a little

Say what? Confused. A TWO-YEAR age difference "obviously" bothers you? Are you looking for someone born on the same day? Two years is pretty good. In your thirties, that's like nothing.

 

[beautiful loser]

she is 33 and I am 31, so obviously the age thing bugs me a little

Say what? Confused. A TWO-YEAR age difference "obviously" bothers you? Are you looking for someone born on the same day? Two years is pretty good. In your thirties, that's like nothing.

Yeah, I didn't get that either.  Two years, that's nothing. Best woman I ever went out with was 10 years older than me.

 

[EveWasFramed]

she is 33 and I am 31, so obviously the age thing bugs me a little

Say what? Confused. A TWO-YEAR age difference "obviously" bothers you? Are you looking for someone born on the same day? Two years is pretty good. In your thirties, that's like nothing.

That baffled me as well. In years gone by I think societal norms leaned more toward the man being a little older, not the woman. Perhaps that's what makes the OP uncomfortable with it.

 

[roy1986]

Hi guys,

well we had another date and quite honestly, I can't say why but I am not there. I know it's not her fault, It seems that I got so hurt these part years and I am not capable of feeling anything toward any1 other than my family.

I used to be the kind of guy who gets super excited for each date, nowadays I'm like "who gives a ****, I don't want to live in my country anyway" (my dream is to move to Australia and reunite with my sister, who is sort of my best friend and the only person who gets along with me).

 

[Paraiyar]

Add me to the apparently growing list of people who don't understand why a two year age gap would be a problem...

 

[ringwood]

And yet another one, puzzled by the age thing - what gives?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Some people think men should be the older one. Not a big deal in my eyes. He believes what he believes.

 

[constant stranger]

I don't think the 2 year age difference needs to be a deal breaker either.

But roy1986, I'd urge you to reconsider even thinking about deliberately staying single......I completely dropped out of all parts of the man/woman game when I was about 30 years old and it took another three decades to realize how wrong that was. Don't make the mistake I did. Time goes by faster than we think it does and we don't get any of that time back to get another shot at it.

 

[Serephina]

Two years is nothing,i've dated men who have been two years younger than me,my Son's Dad was two years younger than me.
It is so easy to become so cold towards people when you have been hurt in the past,but either give this new person a chance and start a new chapter,this is a new person and just because other people have hurt you doesn't mean this person will,or if you just feel you can't do that,just be single and work on yourself until you are able to.

 

[M_also_lonely]

You have learnt lessons from your past that you shouldn't trust women so easily. That's a good thing. Also, I can understand you when the 2 year age gap bothers you. Its hard to explain. People will crush you with their so called logic, but I know what you mean by that and why it can bother someone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

here is the thing, I got so hurt by other women that I am super cold, nothing goes through me and even though I'm gentle and caring, inside I feel nothing.

Remember my last post where I talked about considering being single for the rest of my life? I honestly ponder the possibility or at least stay single for a year or so.

Are you willing to make this lady, and anyone else that may come after her, suffer for the actions of the ones before her?

 

[M_also_lonely]

Remember, trust is must. Now you lost it. You can't fake trust. Its pointless. There is no point in suffocating yourself to try to see someone happy whom you don't even trust anymore. Are you going to keep suffering?

 

[user 139760]

I totally get you. Same here.
I wish I had some wise advice t give you. I don't.

What I can tell you however, is that I'm 38, single for 10 years and starting to feel the weight a bit. Also very bitter, sarcastic and down.

Do you want that to be you?
Do yourself a favor and work on yourself. Learn to trust again. If you can't do it yourself, seek out a third party to help you. I find bartenders work better than shrinks.
In 10 years you'll thank yourself.

Cheers mate.

 

[Meaw]

I say... tell her. Tell her that you'd like to be able to feel in blah way, but that you cannot for blah reason. You could also say you like her as a person and would want to keep seeing her, if that is the case. Maybe it'll come in time? If it doesn't, it doesn't. Don't give up on life, hope or love however. Otherwise, listen to previous comments X) You owe yourself and any potential future partner better - and good luck!

 

[Sun35]

I just got back from a really nice date which got a bit intimate. 

she is 33 and I am 31, so obviously the age thing bugs me a little, however, she and her family are super intelligent ( 2 dentists, 1 doctor, 2 master degree in clinical researchers) and I really enjoy talking to her, but that butterfly feeling is simply not there! 

here is the thing, I got so hurt by other women that I am super cold, nothing goes through me and even though I'm gentle and caring, inside I feel nothing.

Remember my last post where I talked about considering being single for the rest of my life? I honestly ponder the possibility or at least stay single for a year or so.

If you lost interest and if you feel nothing then you should just stay single.

 

[ardour]

I’m pretty sure if a woman were expressing similar sentiments about remaining single, people would respect that and not say things like “move on”, “give this person a chance”, etc.

If you really liked her company that much, you would probably be looking for reasons to think it could be different this time, but you're doing the opposite, so maybe this isn't going to work anyway.