So stupid

[theglasscell]

So I never heard back from this girl after our first date. Well I did because I texted her "I enjoyed meeting you." Then she texted me back "I enjoyed meeting you as well."

But then I was like "I would want to hang out again."

And it's been over 24 hours with no reply. I was all worried about hearing back and getting all stressed out. So I ended up cutting myself for the first time in almost four months since I'd tried to quit.

I hate being this way.

 

[Peaches]

Hey, she doesn't know you, it's not personal, it's not you, it's her thing. Forgive yourself, next time you won't do it again.

 

[theglasscell]

Hey, she doesn't know you, it's not personal, it's not you, it's her thing. Forgive yourself, next time you won't do it again.

I get so tired of feeling like nobody will ever like me that way I guess.

I get so worked up over the rejection though and never know what it is I did wrong.

She was asking me so many questions during the date and seemed so interested but I guess I read it wrong.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

This doesn't sound good. If it's been 24 hours and already you can't tolerate the emotions of waiting to hear back from her, you're already giving her so much power over you.

You're not stupid at all, you're just in pain. Perhaps searching to find someone who will make you whole and lovable. You already are, you just need to realize it, and work toward being kind and gentle to yourself.

 

[theglasscell]

I really was not expecting these feelings and I wasn't prepared. I've been on plenty of dates where I couldn't care less whether the person liked me or not and if I didn't hear back about a second date I'd forget it right away. But for whatever reason this girl just blew me away I guess.

I just really wanted to get to know her more.

I think my emotions are always so raw. I don't know why.

If I like someone at all then it just gets out of control pretty much instantly so then if it doesn't go well I get crazy and usually end up harming myself.

I mean today I was researching suicide methods for probably two hours online, just because of this. I'm sure there's underlying reasons I feel that way but this is what triggered it.

I was on medication for over five years and pretty much every possible one, none of those ever seemed to help with this problem. Neither did therapy.

My last therapist was like "Why can't you just go out and pick someone up, it's not that hard." But I can't just go pick up a stranger like that so I didn't find his advice helpful at all.

I thought she liked me and I guess I got my hopes up way too high.

I just feel like I must have done something really wrong or I looked really bad. Because she was the one who wrote me and asked me out based on my profile. So there must have been something on paper that drew her in and then in person I feel like I fell short of that.

I feel like I do that a lot.

 

[African_weasel]

Hey, at least a drug dealer didn't lie about you and told her that you were obsessed with her when you try to take her stuff back to her at night.

 

[theraab]

I get so worked up over the rejection though and never know what it is I did wrong.

Chances are you didn't do anything wrong - there could be a million reasons why she doesn't want to see you again, and none have to do with you but rather with her. She might be looking for a funny guy and you came off as serious (or vice-versa); she might be looking for a fling and you want a relationship (or vice-versa); she might have a boyfriend that she's stepping out on (in which case, you dodged a bullet); you get he idea - none of those have to do with anything wrong with you, only with what she wants. And all this is assuming that she knows what she wants (which she may not).

Like Peaches said, she doesn't even know you and is basing her impression of you on a single meeting - if she seemed to have a good time but isn't willing to give you a second date she was either being phony (in which case, you dodged a bullet), or she jumps to conclusions about people without getting to know them (again, you're probably better off).

Whatever it is, I know it sucks when it happens. Sorry.

 

[theglasscell]

Yeah you're right. It's more my issue that I get so upset over it.

You know how it is with dating. You get yourself all psyched up and worry about how your outfit it. And it's like the whole train ride just to meet up can be really stressful.

I just think it would be nicer just to tell me she wasn't interested instead of just leave me hanging.

Especially because the first time she stood me up and then later her excuse was that she thought I was going to text her that day to confirm, even though I'd already confirmed the night before.

So I wasted time getting ready and waiting at this coffee shop and it wasn't a big deal, but I was just done with her at that point. But then she kept texting me and apologizing after it so we made plans to try and meet again. I really wish I'd just let it drop after the first time and not wasted time meeting her in person.

It was strange on the date because she was asking me a lot about past relationships and I told her that besides my marriage which was about 7 years that I had one that lasted a year and then she kept grilling me on it and was asking me if I did anything casual. I didn't really feel like bringing that up as I rarely ever did that. So instead of going into detail on that I just said, "Not really, I'm not some kind of lady's man or anything."

But whatever she wanted to make of that I don't care, I just felt that was a strange line of questioning to go into on a first date. I personally never ask about past relationships when I meet a girl and I don't really have much interest in that, even if it was a marriage.

I've been divorced 7 years already, I don't really see what relevance my marriage has to some new girl I meet.

 

[theraab]

Yeah you're right. It's more my issue that I get so upset over it.

You know how it is with dating. You get yourself all psyched up and worry about how your outfit it. And it's like the whole train ride just to meet up can be really stressful.

I just think it would be nicer just to tell me she wasn't interested instead of just leave me hanging.

Especially because the first time she stood me up and then later her excuse was that she thought I was going to text her that day to confirm, even though I'd already confirmed the night before.

So I wasted time getting ready and waiting at this coffee shop and it wasn't a big deal, but I was just done with her at that point. But then she kept texting me and apologizing after it so we made plans to try and meet again. I really wish I'd just let it drop after the first time and not wasted time meeting her in person.

It was strange on the date because she was asking me a lot about past relationships and I told her that besides my marriage which was about 7 years that I had one that lasted a year and then she kept grilling me on it and was asking me if I did anything casual. I didn't really feel like bringing that up as I rarely ever did that. So instead of going into detail on that I just said, "Not really, I'm not some kind of lady's man or anything."

But whatever she wanted to make of that I don't care, I just felt that was a strange line of questioning to go into on a first date. I personally never ask about past relationships when I meet a girl and I don't really have much interest in that, even if it was a marriage.

I've been divorced 7 years already, I don't really see what relevance my marriage has to some new girl I meet.

That to me is a red flag - especially that she pressed you on it. I don't think past relationships should come up on a first or second date at all. She might have been fishing to see if you were interested in a one-night stand. But, whatever the reason, it is odd for that kind of questioning of someone you just met.

---

If I remember correctly, you live in NYC - I live in New Jersey, and honestly wouldn't date a woman from the city, because I have this assumption (false, obviously, but it's there nonetheless), that women in the City are just looking for hookups and not relationships; maybe she was just the embodiment of that stereotype.

 

[theglasscell]

When I described it to my friend he got the same impression, that she might have been only interested in something casual.

In theory I would have been into that but I'm pretty shy when it comes to that sort of thing and I am looking for a real relationship. She was really cute but if she only wanted a one night stand she should have just come out and said it.

It was weird because when I said the thing about not being a lady's man she was like "Oh well just tell girls you look like Rivers Cuomo and they'll want you." And originally when she contacted me it was because she was really into that band Weezer and she said that I looked like Rivers Cuomo.

Also she asked me why I wasn't wearing my glasses and when I told her I had those one day contacts I use sometimes she was like "Aren't those really expensive?"

I thought that was odd too, they aren't that expensive.

I don't know why I'm obsessing over it so much.

Why do people even bother hugging you after the date or having a friendly parting if they aren't interested? If I had known it went badly I would have just been like "See you later," and walked away after we left the restaurant. Having someone hug you and tell you to get in touch later just seems misleading.

 

[theraab]

When I described it to my friend he got the same impression, that she might have been only interested in something casual.

In theory I would have been into that but I'm pretty shy when it comes to that sort of thing and I am looking for a real relationship. She was really cute but if she only wanted a one night stand she should have just come out and said it.

It was weird because when I said the thing about not being a lady's man she was like "Oh well just tell girls you look like Rivers Cuomo and they'll want you." And originally when she contacted me it was because she was really into that band Weezer and she said that I looked like Rivers Cuomo.

Yeah, that definitely sounds like she was just looking for a quick thing. Honestly, if her main interest in you was that you look like Rivers Cuomo, then she probably isn't ready to look for the house in the suburbs just yet. Take solace in the fact that you can get women based on looks alone.

Why do people even bother hugging you after the date or having a friendly parting if they aren't interested? If I had known it went badly I would have just been like "See you later," and walked away after we left the restaurant. Having someone hug you and tell you to get in touch later just seems misleading.

I met a girl for coffee a few months ago - we got along well, and at the end of the date she said she wanted to go out again, and said, "I'm not around next weekend, but let's get together for dinner next Thursday". She hugged me at the end of the date. I called her a couple days later to confirm the plans, after she didn't answer she sent me a text saying that she didn't want to lead me on, and she wasn't interested in going out again. I still don't know why she would go through the trouble of scheduling a second date if she wasn't interested. Some people are just weird.

 

[theglasscell]

When I described it to my friend he got the same impression, that she might have been only interested in something casual.

In theory I would have been into that but I'm pretty shy when it comes to that sort of thing and I am looking for a real relationship. She was really cute but if she only wanted a one night stand she should have just come out and said it.

It was weird because when I said the thing about not being a lady's man she was like "Oh well just tell girls you look like Rivers Cuomo and they'll want you." And originally when she contacted me it was because she was really into that band Weezer and she said that I looked like Rivers Cuomo.

Yeah, that definitely sounds like she was just looking for a quick thing. Honestly, if her main interest in you was that you look like Rivers Cuomo, then she probably isn't ready to look for the house in the suburbs just yet. Take solace in the fact that you can get women based on looks alone.

Why do people even bother hugging you after the date or having a friendly parting if they aren't interested? If I had known it went badly I would have just been like "See you later," and walked away after we left the restaurant. Having someone hug you and tell you to get in touch later just seems misleading.

I met a girl for coffee a few months ago - we got along well, and at the end of the date she said she wanted to go out again, and said, "I'm not around next weekend, but let's get together for dinner next Thursday". She hugged me at the end of the date. I called her a couple days later to confirm the plans, after she didn't answer she sent me a text saying that she didn't want to lead me on, and she wasn't interested in going out again. I still don't know why she would go through the trouble of scheduling a second date if she wasn't interested. Some people are just weird.

Oh wow. That's really lame of her to do that.

This always makes me wary of making future dates from online sites too.

I mean with work my time is limited to when I can go on a decent date. I really just have Saturdays and Sundays. Sometimes I will pass up doing something with my friends to go on a lame online date that will end with this sort of stuff.

I went out to the movies and dinner with my friends yesterday and it was a great time, you don't have all the excitement or romance that could happen with a good date but you also don't have all the stress of a bad date or being lead on and that seems to happen more often than not.

And I don't know about the scoring on looks alone thing, I mean I guess it happens. One girl that I did have a casual thing with said you're attractive as long as you never talk, that kind of made me feel like crap.