Social Anxiety Advice.

[Socialawkwardness101]

Just over a year ago I fell into depression, and developed social anxiety. Ever since then I've been terrified at even the thought of social contact, with very few exceptions. This includes phone calls/skype calls, and occasionally my family (who I live with) entering my personal space.

I know I can't go on like this as I don't want to push away friends, family and potential partners, and I also need a job.

I'm looking for advice from someone who has been through exactly the same thing, and maybe tips on how to get over this.

 

[GraceBlossom]

Hi there,

Sorry I have never suffered it so bad, but wanted the send you some hugs.

Forgive me if my advice is lame, but maybe a good start would be your GP. I know that going and making the appointment and then telling them would be an ordeal for you, but it may be worth it in the end. They have so many resources available to them, to be able to start you on the right road. I assume your family guess or know what is wrong, is there someone you feel you could let in, to go with you for support.

I have every faith in, because you recognise that something needs to be done, and CAN be done to change it.

Good luck

 

[Walley]

^^ +1 to what Graceblossom said

I had a friend that suffered from this for well over a decade (and still going)
the main advice that I could give really, would be to find someone to talk to, like a doctor and then maybe a therapist that you can open up to. and try to not let it go on too long without trying to change.
the longer it does, the harder it is to change.
retreating to your comfort zone may feel good at the moment, but it's no place to live..

 

[Alienated]

Hey Ackwardness Wow your new to it.... Allot here have dealt with it for along time. And it's all different causes, and situation.. So everybody is different, can you give a little more info. about what you go through...

What caused your depression ? If that's where it all started, maybe the answer is there ?

 

[Socialawkwardness101]

Hey Ackwardness Wow your new to it.... Allot here have dealt with it for along time. And it's all different causes, and situation.. So everybody is different, can you give a little more info. about what you go through...

What caused your depression ? If that's where it all started, maybe the answer is there ?

Thank you all for your replies so far.

And ok, more info it is.

In my 2nd year of uni, I decided that moving into a house with 6 classmates would bring me out of my shell, and help me to not be so socially awkward and shy. It went well for a little while, we had fun, but in my 3rd year I began to become quite uncomfortable.

Then (I'm not really sure why) Depression hit, and I would just lay in bed all day, not leaving my room, barely eating. My housemates would knock and I would usually pretend to be asleep or out.

I eventually failed my course and lost my job, and most recently my girlfriend.

Now when I think about meeting or speaking to people I knowm, I feel an intense amount of shame and embarrassment. I know they're going to ask how things are, what happened with my ex, what level of degree I got, and the thought of answering those questions terrifies me.

 

[Alienated]

Well if it interferes with your life, and not just a uncomfortable feel, then it's a problem you need to take care of.
That some pretty severe depression... Have you recieved any doctors, counseling, or been on any medications?

I think you ought to talk to someone. Have you done any studying on what depression is, and what treatments there are. Mild depression can be treated with good diet and exercise, moderate usually needs counseling and maybe meds., but severe can be well severe !!

It is becoming a big problem and they are making getting help allot easier, and it's loosing the stigma... I would start by looking to see what groups or counseling is available in your area. You will need to be assessed to find out what treatment you need.

They do have tests you can take over the internet, but they aren't accurate, and could make you feel worse.

Do some searches in your area, your NOT alone, and isolation makes it worse.... TRUST ME ON THAT... IT DOES.
If you need some help finding are looking I would be glad to help you... I got all the time in the world.

I'm Daniel

 

[Socialawkwardness101]

Thanks Alienated, that helps a lot.

I need to build myself to visiting my GP first, but I will as soon as I can.

 

[Old Seer]

Just over a year ago I fell into depression, and developed social anxiety. Ever since then I've been terrified at even the thought of social contact, with very few exceptions. This includes phone calls/skype calls, and occasionally my family (who I live with) entering my personal space.

I know I can't go on like this as I don't want to push away friends, family and potential partners, and I also need a job.

I'm looking for advice from someone who has been through exactly the same thing, and maybe tips on how to get over this.

Try starting over. 1st--be yourself and don't worry about others for a while. A person normally doesn't know them self. Remember, we all are social beings and are drawn to our own kind, it's in one's nature. But, society has it's been created by the few in high places is competitive, and predatory. These traits drive people apart. You have two natures, the animal mind and the human mind, and at times one can get these two mixed up or jammed together. OK, sort yourself out and see if you can determine which tendencies you are most driven to. Competition belongs on the animal side, and if you,re not very competitive it may be the reason for for you inability to be social with others. One item all need is patience.You need to be patience. Be consoled in that you need to become able to recognize others that are like you. There may not be many but they are there. So you need to be patient and watchful for those like you. A shy person for instance may be a lot like you, so watch for those who seem to be shy. You are the mind not the body, so it is with everyone. No need to be overly body minded---look for those that are "friendly", compatible, and fit your mind. Adjustment to someone that you meet is automatic, so be willing to adjust a bit. It will take patience, there may not be many like you around you. Practice being yourself first and don't worry about others for a while. It takes time to to make differences in one;s self. Step out slowly and don't be in a hurry. You are probaly more human minded then animal minded, so you won't fit in most groups. But--your kind are there--so relax, take time, look--and see what happens. You may need to take on a bit more bravery then you're used to---so give it a try. OS

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety in 2006. From the years 2006 to 2009, I basically was agoraphobic, with a few instances of non-isolation (I held a job for four months, but quit it because of a panic attack and mental breakdown.)

Cognitive behavior therapy saved my life. A lot of what I went through had to do with my appearance, and people judging me, and by examining what people were doing in public when I was around, I realized that I wasn't a freak. I was able to move out and have my own place, from 2009-2011.

I still have periods of negative self reflection, but not as many as before. I'm able to go to college, hold down jobs, be around friends and family, and not feel like a ******* mess. I have also discovered my isolation has led to me being more introverted into my late 20's and early 30's; I no longer seek out company most of the time, and am perfectly happy being by myself and my books, computers, instruments, and DVDs and video games. I've also become more comfortable in my own skin - I used to get really offended when people would call me a geek and/or nerd, now I take pride in it and agree with them.

 

[Socialawkwardness101]

Thank you all, I feel a lot better about it now. I'll just take it one step at a time and see how things improve. Today I (barely) managed to have a phone conversation with a friend, which I think (although it may not seem much) is a big step forward, and hopefully the first of many. Being here has helped me so much already, thank you all.

 

[Old Seer]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety in 2006. From the years 2006 to 2009, I basically was agoraphobic, with a few instances of non-isolation (I held a job for four months, but quit it because of a panic attack and mental breakdown.)

Cognitive behavior therapy saved my life. A lot of what I went through had to do with my appearance, and people judging me, and by examining what people were doing in public when I was around, I realized that I wasn't a freak. I was able to move out and have my own place, from 2009-2011.

I still have periods of negative self reflection, but not as many as before. I'm able to go to college, hold down jobs, be around friends and family, and not feel like a ******* mess. I have also discovered my isolation has led to me being more introverted into my late 20's and early 30's; I no longer seek out company most of the time, and am perfectly happy being by myself and my books, computers, instruments, and DVDs and video games. I've also become more comfortable in my own skin - I used to get really offended when people would call me a geek and/or nerd, now I take pride in it and agree with them.

Everyone's #1 fan is them self. A hint being in public. In public everyone is looking at everyone, but don't worry, it's nothing more then scanning the territory. It' s natural so if you're normally dresses and not conspicuous everyone scans right by you.We are given by nature to scan the area to comprehend one's immediate environment. So, no need to be self conscious you're doing the same as everyone else too, right. It's all part of your ancient inheritance to watch for danger and oddities. It's part of survival too. Your ancestors wouldn't have survived with out "the scan", they would have over-looked the rabbit, but they also needed to see the lion too, right.

 

[MTrip]

The situation here seems to be well in hand, so there isn't much left for me to add. I've never been DX'ed with social anxiety but have with chronic depression or some version thereof, so the story here is rather familiar.

The only thing I'll toss into the pot is +1 on getting to therapy. Go through your GP, but be sure to tell him what's been going on with you: Dropping out of university, the whole thing. Mild depression is difficult but can be dealt with on one's own. But not being able to leave one's home...that's serious. There is nothing wrong with getting help if you need it. No man is an island, & everyone stumbles & falls. Sometimes we need help getting back on our feet again.