Social anxiety is ruining my life. I need guidance.

[Atomicus]

I'm not sure exactly where along the line i became this kind of person. Its almost frightening that as far back as i can remember i have had almost no confidence in anything and been socially anxious. Did i experience some terrible life altering experience when i was little? What makes me so afraid of everything. Never been into sports, never done any clubs. I have friends, i'm only close with a select few of them. I don't connect with anybody because during every social encounter i have i'm thinking about a thousand negative things a second. I've always been a weird kid. I've always zoned out about every five to ten minutes, ever since i was little. Now that i'm just a tall skinny white teenager, and i still zone out every five minutes i look like a creep and no-one understands. Every time i zone back in i'm absolutely terrified that i was doing something embarrassing, and 40 percent of the time i probably am. I'm constantly paranoid that i'm talking to myself. I understand most of these fears are irrational, but for some reason i cant change my negative thinking. My mental health is questionable, but i'm too afraid to do anything, which includes seeking help. High school is horrible, why do i have to deal with it? I get so nervous walking through the hallway. I'm not an important person to anyone in there, i barely socialize, if people aren't completely unaware of who i am they think i'm a weirdo anyway, so WHY do i think that everyone is looking at me, paying attention to me or just judging me in general? Every single thing i do is embarrassing. After an awkward moment, i stress it the rest of the day, no relief. I literally sit there going insane thinking about it. The only time i'm content or even remotely happy is when i'm alone, in my room, and even then i understand that its only short term. All i'm doing right now is complaining to random people on this form. Thanks if you read this and understand what im experiencing. How do i deal with this? Getting out of bed is getting harder and harder. Im terrified of driving, and i have no idea how im going to be able to work when i literally cannot interact with people normally what so ever. Im not a masculant person, and im not that good looking. As if there werent enough things hindering me from finding a girlfriend, i dont even think i could be understood or understand her on an emotional level. Im alkward. The saddest part is i cant even tell if im exadgerating or not. If its all in my head, or my life is acctually this ******. I could be some starving kid in a third world country struggling for life itself, but instead im your typical middle class teenager who shouldnt have a care in the world and i cant even enjoy it. All i have to say in conclusion is thank you for reading this and **** my life.

 

[Romantic_Flower]

it happens with me too. its because we pay too much attention on ourselves.
we judge ourselves too negative. we judge ourselves in a more negative way then people do. people dont judge us as we think they do, but we judge ourselves.
we should start paying less attention in ourselves, our acts, and just live, without following any "rules"
"We" means people with social anxiety disorder, like me
When i'm at a place with 5 people, i feel pretty normal. But when there are lots of people, i feel like a crap, I start having negative thoughts, i start judging my acts and feeling like a weirdo.
and what sucks in my case is that I have a band, and we are always playing at bars, pubs, festival, concerts, openings, etc.... so we are always playing to 100~300 ppl. and when i'm at stage, i realize that there are lots of people staring at me. I feel like a crap, get depressed and i cant enjoy the show.... that sucks...
im going to therapy now, Cognitive behavior therapy. it's really good, itshelping me a lot. If u have the chance, start doing it. you wont regret

 

[ardour]

The level of anxiety is magnified by stage of life and being in high school. Being aware of it as a problem with your thought process rather than you is half way to dealing with it.

Plenty of people cop hell at school anyway, but it sounds like you're getting by relatively unscathed so maybe you don't appear as creepy as you think.

 

[FaeGrl30]

I'm a lifetime sufferer of Social Anxiety Disorder. It started for me at age six and it was due to child abuse. However, these anxiety disorders don't happen just for the reason of something tragic happening to someone. It's quite common for them to just happen, for no reason at all. Therapists haven't figured out how to cure it yet, HOWEVER therapy can help in coping with it. ^_^
Your story sounds a lot like an SA issue, to me. But, I'm no therapist. Don't be afraid to seek help, it could change your life for the positive. I wish you luck!

 

[kamya]

Maybe join the military. It will force you to interact with many different types of people and hopefully help you build confidence and social skills to get over some of your anxiety. Also it pays you money. The only cons are you might die or experience something really screwed up and come back even worse.