Social anxiety is ruining my life.

[Atomicus]

I'm not sure exactly where along the line i became this kind of person. Its almost frightening that as far back as i can remember i have had almost no confidence in anything and been socially anxious. Did i experience some terrible life altering experience when i was little? What makes me so afraid of everything. Never been into sports, never done any clubs. I have friends, i'm only close with a select few of them. I don't connect with anybody because during every social encounter i have i'm thinking about a thousand negative things a second. I've always been a weird kid. I've always zoned out about every five to ten minutes, ever since i was little. Now that i'm just a tall skinny white teenager, and i still zone out every five minutes i look like a creep and no-one understands. Every time i zone back in i'm absolutely terrified that i was doing something embarrassing, and 40 percent of the time i probably am. I'm constantly paranoid that i'm talking to myself. I understand most of these fears are irrational, but for some reason i cant change my negative thinking. My mental health is questionable, but i'm too afraid to do anything, which includes seeking help. High school is horrible, why do i have to deal with it? I get so nervous walking through the hallway. I'm not an important person to anyone in there, i barely socialize, if people aren't completely unaware of who i am they think i'm a weirdo anyway, so WHY do i think that everyone is looking at me, paying attention to me or just judging me in general? Every single thing i do is embarrassing. After an awkward moment, i stress it the rest of the day, no relief. I literally sit there going insane thinking about it. The only time i'm content or even remotely happy is when i'm alone, in my room, and even then i understand that its only short term. All i'm doing right now is complaining to random people on this form. Thanks if you read this and understand what im experiencing. How do i deal with this? Getting out of bed is getting harder and harder. Im terrified of driving, and i have no idea how im going to be able to work when i literally cannot interact with people normally what so ever. Im not a masculant person, and im not that good looking. As if there werent enough things hindering me from finding a girlfriend, i dont even think i could be understood or understand her on an emotional level. Im alkward. The saddest part is i cant even tell if im exadgerating or not. If its all in my head, or my life is acctually this ******. I could be some starving kid in a third world country struggling for life itself, but instead im your typical middle class teenager who shouldnt have a care in the world and i cant even enjoy it. All i have to say in conclusion is thank you for reading this and **** my life.

 

[Unwanted94]

I've had social anxiety pretty much all of my life. As a little kid, I remember complaining to my mom about people "staring at me". It still bothers me. Honestly, it would bother anyone if someone's just glaring you down. It happened to me the other day. I pulled up in a parking spot,and mind you my windows are tinted. Anyway...this ****** just kept staring at me in his car,and he was like 3 parking spaces over. It was just ******* weird, but I moved along regardless. You really can't let it bother you that much,and if your anxiety is really that bad, try kava-kava or passion flower. That stuff has helped me tons with my anxiety.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I went through a very wierd experince 4 years ago.
I isolated myself and pretty much gave up on life and living.
It became a living hell. The depression got worst and worst.
Fucken cabin fever on over drive....A major metal and emotional fog.
It got bad....very bad. I become physically ill being around people.
I wanted to vommit. I'd sweat, trimble and all that good ****.....

My sick sad little world or room became my comfortzone...
As sick and unhealthy as it was...my mind and body adjusted and became comfortable with that condition.
I got off on this song...it feed into the cycle of madness even more...but I liked it.
I seldom went outside or left my house. Even if i did, it was at night when no one was out.I wore a hood and shade.
[youtube]OUSoSTaLRkI[/youtube]

I know recovery is possible. I took baby steps....
I made a commitment to myself. Sometime the body had to go first before the mind can follow.
I force myself to go outside for at least 5 mins everyday to get some sunlight.
Then I force myself to go take walks at a local park. (it took me 2 weeks to get to the park.lmao)
The park was only a block from my house....
Then I started walking and jogging..
Then I started going to the mall by myself....no matter how i felt...I forced myself to sit at the fucken mall
or park for a couple of hours to build up my tolerance of being around people.

It took me a couple of months to even say hello or hi to a complete stranger.
Not even carry a conversTIONS...Just say hello without wanting to vommit.
It took more months before the shade and hoodie came off.

My life isnt perfect at the moment,,,,but it had changed.
I made progress. Lots of progress.
Lots and lots of changes. Many things I coulnt even concieved of 4 years ago. Im with Renae....She's the love of my life.
I can make her scream
[youtube]_5PdqUE42ug[/youtube]
Heck...I didnt even listen to rap or R&B 4 years ago.
But I like this song at the moment.
[youtube]sFayjXLaW88[/youtube]

Btw, the girl on my avitar is our daughter
I couldnt concived of that either.

 

[Parabolani]

Hi Atomicus,

There is a site called Social Anxiety Support which is a good site.
I suffer from SAD really bad it's probably a symptom of PTSD for me.
I have gotten past step 1 of beating SAD which is 'stop being lazy'. Sounds harsh but part of our problem is we are to lazy when relating to people, when people are in social situations they make an effort to interact with others.
I'm not saying this is our only problem it's a small part of our problem that we need to overcome before we can tackle the other problems.

 

[CherrySlushie91]

I've always been a weird kid. I've always zoned out about every five to ten minutes, ever since i was little. Now that i'm just a tall skinny white teenager, and i still zone out every five minutes i look like a creep and no-one understands. Every time i zone back in i'm absolutely terrified that i was doing something embarrassing, and 40 percent of the time i probably am.

I zone out too. people can like get super close to my face and i wont see them. then it turned into day dreaming. i can lock myself in a room and spend hours daydreaming and staring at the ceiling. I was addicted to it. Its really not healthy, staying focused is important, keeping yourself busy and avoiding doing things on "Auto Pilot", this will also help with anxiety. the more you interact with others the less anxious you will feel about it. People aren't gonna go out of their way to understand you, you have to be confident in your differences enough so that they are curious about you. You say u look like a creep, use it to your advantage lol creepy pick-up lines are funny . Stay positive and keep growing

 

[JasonM]

I had social anxiety most of my life and nothing changed for me until I confronted the source of it. By confronting it I gained control back over my own life. That's not to say it is easy by any means, but it's the only thing that worked for me.

 

[Serenity]

Atomicus, not sure if your male or female? But my post is based on a males perspective and experiences with anxiety, I know about 10-15 guys who suffered anxiety (minor and severe). Out of all those people the few that actually took my advice are way more different now, my point is you have to find something that you truly love in life that's positive, then focus on it. Also something that you could do if your a guy is WORKOUT, what I mean by this is, from all those 10-15 guys the few that took my advice are the ones that took care of their physical appearance (but not to degrees of being a facade).. Point being the more they felt good about their bodies the better they felt around people, I hope I was somewhat insightful