Sorry not very cheerful

[Joturbo]

Hi please bare with me this may be confusing

I've come to the conclusion that at my age mid forties my anxiety problems maybe insurmountable.Although I like to think I'm very positive I feel so much water under the bridge has passed that I have got so used to being a loner and no matter what method employed will change the way I am.I had a couple of good friends when younger but we fizzled out with the pressure of kids and they being single an all.

My job being majority solitary doesn't help but I love it so can't change that.I can't join groups on my own and my partner has a very active live with her friends and thinks I don't need anyone else 'because you have me' which was her answer.I've got kids and there really my life I'm very family orientated and my lonliness really only effects me over Xmas and spring now so nothing like I was when younger.I also recently finished a social activity I'd been doing for 23 years four times a year because my partner wanted me too.

I pretty much do what my partner likes regarding social and only go out with one of her friends who regards me like her brother..she is great very fond of her .Also apart from work I'm pretty lazy which also is not good if I want to change.

Anyone else feel like me...any thoughts or ideas would be great.........should I accept this is my life?

Any one else like me feel the same way or have any ideas on my situation

 

[TheRealCallie]

The only reason you should accept that as your life is if you are happy with it. Clearly you aren't, so no, you definitely shouldn't accept it.
Of course it will be hard, but it would be at any age. Your age has nothing to do with anything. What does matter is your determination.

Do you want to be different? Do you want a life for yourself that isn't only including your wife's friends? Do you want to continue doing activities she wants you to do?
You need a life of your own, so you don't become resentful of your wife or your kids or well, even random strangers. Something to call your own, something to get your away from the struggles and the daily routine that doesn't change much. You deserve that. Find something you like to do and do it. You don't have to join groups, necessarily, just find something for yourself and only yourself. Try to reconnect with your old friends. It's never too late to change your life, unless you decide to give up.

 

[Joturbo]

Thanks Callie must admit resentment is creeping in.

I sometimes think I'm so lucky my partner is so wonderful to me and my best friend this is the reason for my lack of friends.Not really possible with old friends I just think I'm running out of time need to sort my only real problem soon but so blinkered and set in my ways and major social anxiety not helping. 

Thanks for responding

 

[TheRealCallie]

Just start off small, there's no need to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Start by doing something you wouldn't normally do. Like, if you go out, but never talk to anyone, just say hi to a random person....or if you celebrate Christmas (not sure where you are or your religion), maybe say Merry Christmas. Just little things like that. Once that gets easier, try something else. That's what worked for me. No, it might not work for you, but give it some thought, it can't hurt to try, right?

 

[Joturbo]

Hi yea so obvious got to get out of my box do something completely different....Will definitely do in the new year...small steps your right thanks I'm a Londoner by the way

I'm going to walk round some art galleries in London,never done it before but really like art so simple really grateful Callie

Thanks Callie