Struggling to approach women?

[Cherubino]

Attracting women is easy, you just need money or power or looks. Keeping a woman is the hard part.

The men who "can't" attract women are actually scared of success not of failure

 

[BDLonely]

Only once in my life did a woman approach me. Never happened since. Attempts I made at approaching always failed. D amn, can it be brutal out there.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I try not to think about it as changing myself. But as becoming a better version of myself. From speech, to fashion, to hygiene, etc., I realized I had to do something to try and improve my results.

While it may fall under looks, it's not something you're born with. And it's something most guys don't even think about. Real question. How many guys on here have actually tried to improve their fashion? Or do they think that just having clean clothes on is good enough? I have spent countless hours on youtube learning about fashion and what works and what doesn't. When improving looks, most guys just think about lifting weights or working out. It's a combination of everything.

For many guys (like myself), they are invisible to women. I have never had a woman just walk up to me because she is attracted to me. If you have had women approach you, then you are doing better than the majority of men on this forum.

Interestinggggg never looked at it that way, so more self improvement than just reprogramming yourself.

that is true. Low self esteem and low confidence kills it. Noting can solve decades of loneliness or being socially and emotionally stunted. Once you're 'read' as weird or off in any way it's over.

or beta for some... weird, creepy or not manly enough... that'll deffo do it.

 

[user 139760]

I dunno about that, to be honest. I actually saw a post fly by on a single parent group I'm on on Facebook. A newly single was fishing out there who said she had a thing for short, kinda nerdy quirky guys.
I just do me. I don't need to "attract" women. Just one. Once that's done, I need to stay true to what she met as well as who I am with which, I assume, would be what said woman is attracted to in the first place. I've had maybe 5-6 serious girlfriends in my life. I view the fact I'm now single as either failure on my part, or inadequate choice in partners, but if I could, I'd trade it in to have had only one. The plan when I was a kid was to marry only one and stay with her 60+ years before I pass on. I'm kind of disappointed that it didn't happen that way.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I dunno about that, to be honest. I actually saw a post fly by on a single parent group I'm on on Facebook. A newly single was fishing out there who said she had a thing for short, kinda nerdy quirky guys.
I just do me. I don't need to "attract" women. Just one. Once that's done, I need to stay true to what she met as well as who I am with which, I assume, would be what said woman is attracted to in the first place. I've had maybe 5-6 serious girlfriends in my life. I view the fact I'm now single as either failure on my part, or inadequate choice in partners, but if I could, I'd trade it in to have had only one. The plan when I was a kid was to marry only one and stay with her 60+ years before I pass on. I'm kind of disappointed that it didn't happen that way.

Oooh here's hoping that works out for you, but I say dont have any guilt! You made the best choices at the moment, relationships are hard, I think you have nothing to beat yourself up about! Happy dating

 

[Unsigned]

Attracting women is easy, you just need money or power or looks. Keeping a woman is the hard part.

1) Depends on how much money. A solid 6 figure income and a lower range 7 figure net worth ain't gonna do it. To get girls by "being rich" you have to be a 1%er. USD $10M and up.

2) Power...well that could mean different things to different people. To many modern females, a bartender, bouncer or quite frankly a drug dealer or violent criminal is someone with "power". Whereas a hardworking CPA or IT manager or similar is simply "boring".

3) On looks I agree. If you look like Tom Brady or Channing Tatum or Brad Pitt, you're in. Even if you are unemployed.

 

[user 139760]

Oooh here's hoping that works out for you, but I say dont have any guilt! You made the best choices at the moment, relationships are hard, I think you have nothing to beat yourself up about! Happy dating

Lol that's not me beating myself up
That's me saying to men in general "just be yourselves" instead of relying on a cheap book
There's an old french Canadian saying here; "chaque guénille trouve son torchon". If you change the color, you won't find what matches you lol

 

[Unsigned]

The man has to be put in the position of advantage in order to change this.

We were in the advantage from 200,000 years ago until the mid 1960s.
No wonder the West is now falling.
Society only works when men are forced to be better in order to attract women.
When women chase after the thugs and jerks, the "shiny objects" so to speak, men have no incentive to be better.
And society collapses.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Lol that's not me beating myself up
That's me saying to men in general "just be yourselves" instead of relying on a cheap book
There's an old french Canadian saying here; "chaque guénille trouve son torchon". If you change the color, you won't find what matches you lol

Noo yeah I totally agree with the men should be themselves bit i meant the whole you being single is a failure part

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The men who "can't" attract women are actually scared of success not of failure

Omg I want to know more, they are scared to be with a woman? Never heard this before

 

[WillPower]

I dunno about that, to be honest. I actually saw a post fly by on a single parent group I'm on on Facebook. A newly single was fishing out there who said she had a thing for short, kinda nerdy quirky guys.
I just do me. I don't need to "attract" women. Just one. Once that's done, I need to stay true to what she met as well as who I am with which, I assume, would be what said woman is attracted to in the first place. I've had maybe 5-6 serious girlfriends in my life. I view the fact I'm now single as either failure on my part, or inadequate choice in partners, but if I could, I'd trade it in to have had only one. The plan when I was a kid was to marry only one and stay with her 60+ years before I pass on. I'm kind of disappointed that it didn't happen that way.

I think ultimately, people should do what works for them. The fact that you've had 5-6 serious girlfriends shows that being yourself has worked for you. But I'm talking about the guys who have had no success with women whatsoever. For those guys, a change is definitely in order.

1) Depends on how much money. A solid 6 figure income and a lower range 7 figure net worth ain't gonna do it. To get girls by "being rich" you have to be a 1%er. USD $10M and up.

2) Power...well that could mean different things to different people. To many modern females, a bartender, bouncer or quite frankly a drug dealer or violent criminal is someone with "power". Whereas a hardworking CPA or IT manager or similar is simply "boring".

3) On looks I agree. If you look like Tom Brady or Channing Tatum or Brad Pitt, you're in. Even if you are unemployed.

Pretty much agree with all of this. I know guys with six figure salaries who still have trouble with women.

Noo yeah I totally agree with the men should be themselves bit i meant the whole you being single is a failure part

Eh, that seems to be the number one advice most women tell guys. Just be yourself. And it just gets most guys frustrated. It's like, I've been being myself for the first twenty something years of my life. And it's never worked.

 

[user 139760]

Noo yeah I totally agree with the men should be themselves bit i meant the whole you being single is a failure part

Ah, but see, failure is also a great teacher. It showed me who I am and forced me to reflect on my actions and thoughts snd change accordingly, hopefully for the better. People who never fail rarely get incredible success, you have to fail in order to aspire to be better and that's fine. I wish it had been different, but each failure turned me into a bit better, bit wiser person. That's a good thing.

 

[user 139760]

The fact that you've had 5-6 serious girlfriends shows that being yourself has worked for you. But I'm talking about the guys who have had no success with women whatsoever.

True. But think of the alternative; you change everything about yourself, chamge everything you can change according to some self help book. What are you, exactly? You're not exactly yourself. More like pretending to be someone else. Say you attract, I dunno who's considered hot nowadays, Michelle Pfeiffer's younger sister lol. When you start a relationship with her and she gets to know you more and you relax on the "seduction" part...how do you keep her? You're not the same you you were portraying, you're just a knock off who followed a book. What you promised her isn't what you deliver. So how does that help?

I think romantic relationships are a patience game, not a sprint. Everyone wants rezults their way and immediately. I don't think it works that way. If you want to change something about yourself, it's because you want to do it, for YOU, first and foremost. If you're only doing it to get girls, that'll eventually backfire.
Of course, this is like, broad, general strokes. For guys that have been unsuccessful for say, 15 years or something, well, there are lots of possibilities. More than can be explored on a forum board, I think.

 

[Cherubino]

Omg I want to know more, they are scared to be with a woman? Never heard this before

Of course ... you conquer her, you f*** her ... then what's next ... why struggle so much when you can pay for a

 

[Unsigned]

Of course ... you conquer her, you f*** her ... then what's next ... why struggle so much when you can pay for a

Because that doesn't help.
Just ends up making you more miserable in the end.
I've been paying for s for a very long time.

Back in the 90s when I first moved to my current apartment, there was a short, loud mouthed jerk living on the first floor.
He was friends with a lot of thuggish types, and the rumor was that he was "connected".
One time on a Saturday I saw him arguing with a pretty girl in the parking lot. HE kept telling her "it was over" and was physically pushing her away in a not so gentle manner, yet she was crying and grabbing on to him, not wanting to leave. Did I mention this guy was a short little loud mouthed jerk? A cockroach of a man?

Well...I've never had anything like that. I've never even been close to having a girl grab onto me for dear life even while being subjected to physical violence, crying because she will never see me again. And you will NEVER have that just by paying for s. Never. I've had girls cry "crocodile tears" when they thought the gravy train was coming to a stop, but that was always just an act. This girl in the parking lot meant it.

 

[WillPower]

True. But think of the alternative; you change everything about yourself, chamge everything you can change according to some self help book. What are you, exactly? You're not exactly yourself. More like pretending to be someone else. Say you attract, I dunno who's considered hot nowadays, Michelle Pfeiffer's younger sister lol. When you start a relationship with her and she gets to know you more and you relax on the "seduction" part...how do you keep her? You're not the same you you were portraying, you're just a knock off who followed a book. What you promised her isn't what you deliver. So how does that help?

I think romantic relationships are a patience game, not a sprint. Everyone wants rezults their way and immediately. I don't think it works that way. If you want to change something about yourself, it's because you want to do it, for YOU, first and foremost. If you're only doing it to get girls, that'll eventually backfire.
Of course, this is like, broad, general strokes. For guys that have been unsuccessful for say, 15 years or something, well, there are lots of possibilities. More than can be explored on a forum board, I think.

No, I wouldn't be myself. But like I said before, I'd be a better version of myself. I think it depends on what changes we're talking about here. Like, let's say a woman is into jocks and sports. And me being a nerd, I'm into anime. So to try to attract that woman, I pretend to be into football when I'm not, just to attract her. You're right, something like that probably wouldn't be sustainable. Because it would be hard to keep up a charade of liking something I don't and hiding my true passions. But other things such as fashion that I do change, I plan to keep. It's not like I am dressing up just to impress her, and then when I'm not with her, I go back to being unfashionable, wearing bad clothing, and being a slob. I can see though for some guys who just don't give a crap about fashion how it would be hard to maintain. But for me, these are changes I plan on sticking with. Not only does it help with women, but it can help with career and other aspects of your life. And being well dressed just makes me feel better about myself in general.

Same with other things I've changed about myself. I have improved my speech a lot. I used to talk in more of a monotone voice, had issues stuttering, used filler words, etc. I've worked on all of that. I've gone to ToastMasters to help with public speaking. I don't see any of this as being fake or pretending to be something I'm not. It's all about self-improvement. If a person wants to lose weight for example to become healthier, do we say they are pretending to be something they're not?

I do agree that you've got to do these things for yourself first and foremost though. Because if you are doing this just to get women, and you don't get the results you are looking for (which I haven't so far), then you're just gonna end up more depressed. But yeah, I started my whole journey of personal development because I've had no results the first twenty something years of my life. So it's not like I expected results immediately or anything. This came about because of years of not seeing any results from just being myself and waiting for things to just happen naturally for me.

 

[Cherubino]

Because that doesn't help.
Just ends up making you more miserable in the end.
I've been paying for s for a very long time.

Back in the 90s when I first moved to my current apartment, there was a short, loud mouthed jerk living on the first floor.
He was friends with a lot of thuggish types, and the rumor was that he was "connected".
One time on a Saturday I saw him arguing with a pretty girl in the parking lot. HE kept telling her "it was over" and was physically pushing her away in a not so gentle manner, yet she was crying and grabbing on to him, not wanting to leave. Did I mention this guy was a short little loud mouthed jerk? A cockroach of a man?

Well...I've never had anything like that. I've never even been close to having a girl grab onto me for dear life even while being subjected to physical violence, crying because she will never see me again. And you will NEVER have that just by paying for s. Never. I've had girls cry "crocodile tears" when they thought the gravy train was coming to a stop, but that was always just an act. This girl in the parking lot meant it.

Still all your memory cared to keep "fond" about that girl is that she was pretty ... I bet if you knew her you'd felt pity

 

[Unsigned]

Still all your memory cared to keep "fond" about that girl is that she was pretty ... I bet if you knew her you'd felt pity

Well...I may be a shallow scumbag...but at least I'm not a loud mouth jerk like that other guy...or short...

 

[Cherubino]

Well...I may be a shallow scumbag...but at least I'm not a loud mouth jerk like that other guy...or short...

the physique is definitely entitled to 50 percent so nothing shallow about it but also nothing to get hurt with

 

[user 139760]

Well...I may be a shallow scumbag...but at least I'm not a loud mouth jerk like that other guy...or short...

Or a cockroach
There's one detail you haven't mentioned though. The girl, you haven't described her, how she acted, what she sounded like. Beyond the fact that guy was the recipient of said attention...would you have wanted to have a girl like THAT particularly giving you that type of attention? Because dudes like that attract certain types. Those certain types, well...not necessarily who you'd like to be involved with.