suicidal, can't connect with others

[Temme]

I'm 16, and summer break has just started for me. School helps a lot with my depression, and summer break, which just started, is going to be unbearable. Thus I told myself I would commit suicide if I didn't recover before summer break started, but here I am still trying to live. I take meds and go to therapy.

I have been chronically lonely for over a year, but I'm not completely sure why. I have a lot of trouble emotionally connecting to people; this makes it feel like I am alone when talking to everyone I know, even people I know well. My mom thinks this is due to autism as I was diagnosed with autism last summer. I think it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy where I would be able to connect with others if I simply stopped thinking that I couldn't connect and that I needed someone special to finally cure my loneliness.

I also think however that I just naturally have trouble relating to people in a way that I can't completely fix by cognitive (thought) manipulation. I feel I have met people I could connect with well, but I don't know any of them very well. I have a friend I feel I could connect with very well, but he said he does not have the time to hang-out with me every day this summer. The problem is that I also feel that I need a deeper relationship than most people have with their friends; I don't really think I can change this need.

I'm afraid that the only thing that will make me happy is to find one person who I can connect with and spend a ton of time with them, and I'm afraid this will be had to find. I know some people have this kind of relationship though.

I think it's also possible that I could be happy if I stopped thinking that I needed someone special and started concentrating on connecting to my family and friends who are more available. I don't know if this will work though, and ultimately no matter what I will always long for the kind of relationship stated above.

The male friend I mentioned earlier that I think I could connect with, I'm still secretly hoping that as he gets to know me more, he will be willing to spend more and more time with me. I can't depend on this though.

Any advice at all is extremely appreciated.

 

[Sometimes]

Number one is, suicide is NOT an answer.

Things change all the time. Your situation, feelings, desires will change as well. It's really hard to be patient when you're young, but you are soooo young, and you will go through a lot of change.

You may have to do some things which are hard for you. In order to know a person, you have to meet a person. That means meeting people. But you get to choose how that meeting takes place. You can do things alongside people, and only risk interaction when you are comfortable with it. I don't know what is near to you, but near me there are always groups looking for people to volunteer to plant trees. I've been to these and lots of people show up, you can talk to people or not talk to people, as you wish. There is a pretty low probability in a group like this, of meeting a close friend, but it's good practice making contact, and you never know.

Keep moving. Do lots of things. Become a really interesting and active person, if you can. Become capable and knowledgable. While you are moving you can think about who you are, what your values are, what you think is important.

 

[Nicolelt]

Hey Temme,

First, yes, suicide is not the answer.

Second, you remind of some students I have, as well as myself, actually. Summer break sucks sometimes, everyone is gone doing there own thing and we are not as busy with things in our lives to distract us from loneliness. Just today I laid in bed pretty much all day because I had nothing better to do, or anyone to go see and hang out with.

I know you want someone to have a deep connection with, but what about several people with a small connection? Maybe like a hobby or something. For example, I have a student with autism. This school year he was struggling with bullies, parents, and all the other things teenagers struggle with. He doesn't seem to make connections from other students, and has told me most of his friends are online. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with online friends, because tons of people on here have saved me from myself from this forum alone, and I can call them my close friends, but I suggested maybe him doing something a little more social with his time.

There are several students at my school that play magic the gathering, which I knew would be a game he would like because it's logical and tactical, right up his ally. My boyfriend taught me how to play, and sometimes after school, I would go to the library and play some of my students. He decided he would give it a try, and he comes to this place in a town next to mine on Friday nights now and plays a little. It's not seeing someone everyday, but it's a start. At least once a week he sees the same people and talks to them and can make a connection with people because they have something in common.

The same thing happened with my boyfriend. He was playing magic, met a guy there, and not they know each others life stories and now they text dumb stuff to each other.

So my advice would to be make a connection with someone with something you both do first. When I was in high school, I showed dogs. At first, I only talked to my "dog show friends" about dog things, but after spending so many weekends with them at the shows, we started connecting more on an emotional level. I think that is the easiest way to make friends, to be honest.

 

[constant stranger]

Temme, 16 is way too soon for suicide. If nothing else, wait 'till you're 20. And if you still want to check out of the world, resist the temptation until you're 25. And then wait 'till you're 30. And so on.

In the meantime, follow the advice of Sometimes and Nicolelt.

My advice? set yourself some reasonable and for you, doable goals.....every little successful accomplishment is another step in the right direction and they'll become like a momentum, a habit of becoming what you want to be.

But a real hazard to beware of, is wishing for "the only thing that will make me happy" and wishing for it right now, like this summer, and then if that big payoff doesn't come true, you have to get the razor blades out or whatever method you like. Don't do it! Give yourself some space.....be realistic, take some doable steps and jolly well give yourself credit for doing them successfully.