Teasing

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think I must just be unlucky with the girls I meet, but I've noticed girls seem to mess me about a lot. I don't know why. I'm nice but I'm not spineless at all, certainly not like some guys I know who just bow to girls like they're totally superior or something. In fact, I consider myself brave: in scary situations (fights, fires) I've always been the guy that steps forward.

Nonetheless it started kind of back in high school, where the nastier girls were often really unpleasant to me (I had one that once just came up and said "No one will ever want to have sex with you." out of the blue, for no reason. That was a nice moment, lol ).

But mostly girls would just flirt then tell me they weren't interested because they found it funny, I guess.

Well, that was years back. So I've been on dating sites since and (*sigh*) Tinder. Got a Tinder match this afternoon and surprisingly it seemed great.

She was really pretty and immediately responded to my message, which I was surprised at. Anyway, we talked for about 15 minutes casually and then she started being really flirty/sexual. So I flirted back a little, but reservedly.

After another 10 minutes of flirting, during which she seemed genuinely interested, I actually decided that it'd be cool to meet her for a drink or something. So I gave her my number, and she just suddenly replied with "Nah, you're alright. I don't think so." Silence. Game over.

For some stupid reason, even though I've never met this person and it's on a rather ****** "dating" app anyway, it just made me feel crap.

She's probably the one girl who's really flirted with me (both in RL and online) in about 8 months, whereas I expect she has about 4000 Tinder matches she can just wind up indiscriminately for her own amusement. And I actually fell for it.

People often seem to take me for some kind of worthless pussy just because I'm a friendly, decent person. Outside of "dating" (if you can call talking to horrible people online "dating"!) it's echoed by my work colleagues. They frequently talk down to me and act like I'm intellectually inferior just because I never tell them to **** off because I'm sick of it :club:

Do I just need to start being more of an arsehole towards girls or something? Because this kind of behaviour just really ticks me off, I'd never intentionally humiliate a girl who liked me, so I fail to see why it's totally fine to do that to me... :\

 

[TheSkaFish]

Nonetheless it started kind of back in high school, where the nastier girls were often really unpleasant to me (I had one that once just came up and said "No one will ever want to have sex with you." out of the blue, for no reason. That was a nice moment, lol ).

Wow! I think if someone said that to me, I would feel that they were trying really hard to insult me, so much that it failed and they just came off as weird instead. Only in high school, I guess. At least most people in the real world don't act like that.

She was really pretty and immediately responded to my message, which I was surprised at. Anyway, we talked for about 15 minutes casually and then she started being really flirty/sexual. So I flirted back a little, but reservedly.

After another 10 minutes of flirting, during which she seemed genuinely interested, I actually decided that it'd be cool to meet her for a drink or something. So I gave her my number, and she just suddenly replied with "Nah, you're alright. I don't think so." Silence. Game over.

For some stupid reason, even though I've never met this person and it's on a rather ****** "dating" app anyway, it just made me feel crap.

Flirting is an area that has always confused me. I never know what is acceptable and what is not. I've had girls say flirty things to me before, and while I was happy with that I had no idea how to respond to it. And my mind doesn't naturally think of witty sexual things to say. I often think of an appropriate response LONG after the fact, after I've thought about it for a while. It's like comebacks....I was never good at comebacks either.

People often seem to take me for some kind of worthless pussy just because I'm a friendly, decent person.

.....

Do I just need to start being more of an arsehole towards girls or something? Because this kind of behaviour just really ticks me off, I'd never intentionally humiliate a girl who liked me, so I fail to see why it's totally fine to do that to me... :\

I've gotten that a lot too, and while some days I feel low and start thinking I should just turn into a violent jerk, I just don't want to. I want to prove that the alphas are wrong and that a friendly guy can make it in this world. I don't want to compromise myself.

It's not fine for you to be treated that way but unfortunately I think a lot of people, and society itself, isn't fine. So no, I don't think you should turn into a jerk. Then the jerks win, because they say that it's the only way, they say it's "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". I don't want to give them the satisfaction of joining them. I want to beat them. I say keep being friendly and something is bound to turn out right.

 

[9006]

Do I just need to start being more of an arsehole towards girls or something? Because this kind of behaviour just really ticks me off, I'd never intentionally humiliate a girl who liked me, so I fail to see why it's totally fine to do that to me... :\

Lol as tempting as that might sound I don't think that's you. I can understand why something like this can be a trigger for similar situations in the past. I'd expect this behavior from dating sites/apps for some of the following reasons:

1. She wasn't interested in dating.
2. She's already taken and just enjoys flirting on some site.
3. She's speaking to many guys and only accepts the "right" one(s).
4. She gets a kick of out winding guys up.
5. This girl genuinely isn't interested in you.

This kinda falls under the 'good guys never get the girls' category which I don't really like, often men are seen as "too soft" to some women and so on, but I think the best thing for you is to just forget her an move on.

If you feel so saddened by this event then maybe dating sites aren't for you, the reality is that there's so many members on these things that there's a good possibility things like this happen. Many people wont find conversations and flirting particularly personal as you do, there's bound to be a lot of hit an miss when you have such a high turnover of people.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I wouldn't go out with a guy after 25 minutes of talking lol.

 

[mintymint]

Whoa there, you had ten minutes of flirtatious chatting. Nobody led you on. I doubt there was any malicious intent there. It's not a reason to be bitter, and it's certainly not a reason to consider acting like an ******* towards women.

 

[Badjedidude]

Methinks you led yourself on.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Come on, it's Tinder, no need to rip TSM over it. From what I've heard people use it mostly for quick hookups. Tinder is not a serious dating app so if he felt like meeting up with her after 10 minutes of her flirting that's completely expected. By no means is Tinder a serious dating site, if you can even call it that. It's what most people use it for. If anything TSM should have little expectation out of Timber.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I wouldn't go out with a guy after 25 minutes of talking lol.

+1

Sad he immediately went to "Hmm, maybe I need to be an arsehole." as a response when it was because he gave her his number waaaay too soon.

 

[Badjedidude]

Come on, it's Tinder, no need to rip TSM over it.

I'm honestly confused as to how anyone in here was ripping on anyone for anything. If anything, everyone's responses were less than mild and not adversarial or personal at all.

But aight.

 

[HoodedMonk]

It could also be that she didn't want anything more than to flirt and be sexual on the app itself.

But trust is important to establish first before real life encounters normally. She certainly wasn't getting a baseline off of you in 10 minutes to be able to trust you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Come on, it's Tinder, no need to rip TSM over it.

I'm honestly confused as to how anyone in here was ripping on anyone for anything. If anything, everyone's responses were less than mild and not adversarial or personal at all.

But aight.

Yeah, there was. Notice I didn't say attacking, I used a more mild term. People want to put him down but that is what Tinder mainly is used for. People go on it for quick hookups. We get so many complaints from people because others have to be less than cordial to members, and yet when we say something people have to make snippy comments back.

Tinder is a hookup app, most people use it for that, it was created for the college crowd. Most just go on and flirt and find someone to get laid. There are very few who use it for more than that. This looks like one of those who probably gets their kicks out of doing what that person did, lead someone on regardless of how quickly someone falls into it. I bet there are way more people who troll Tinder doing exactly what this person did than any other actual dating site. And you can bet there are a lot of people who ask to meet up within seconds of talking to a person. It's Tinder. There was a sexual harassment lawsuit made by one of the founders against another founder of the app for sending sexually explicit material. The people who created it were allegedly using it for less than upstanding behavior.

As for being an arse, you'll only attract the wrong kind of people and really isn't a good way to go if that isn't who you are. If you are looking for something more than a quick lay, don't use Tinder.

And along the lines of teasing, had it done to me several times. Girls would flirt and be all nice and tell me how their parents would want them to date a guy like me, then turn around and say they'd only do that to use me to go out with guys they actually wanted to date. Had a girl try and get me to do that, act like her date so she could sneak off with another guy her parents didn't want he to be with. I didn't do it, had more pride in myself than to be someones decoy.

 

[mintymint]

Yeah, there was. Notice I didn't say attacking, I used a more mild term. People want to put him down but that is what Tinder mainly is used for. People go on it for quick hookups. We get so many complaints from people because others have to be less than cordial to members, and yet when we say something people have to make snippy comments back.

Tinder is a hookup app, most people use it for that, it was created for the college crowd. Most just go on and flirt and find someone to get laid. There are very few who use it for more than that. This looks like one of those who probably gets their kicks out of doing what that person did, lead someone on regardless of how quickly someone falls into it. I bet there are way more people who troll Tinder doing exactly what this person did than any other actual dating site. And you can bet there are a lot of people who ask to meet up within seconds of talking to a person. It's Tinder. There was a sexual harassment lawsuit made by one of the founders against another founder of the app for sending sexually explicit material. The people who created it were allegedly using it for less than upstanding behavior.

Even if it's a hookup app, it doesn't mean people are going to automatically hookup with you just because they chatted with you for a few minutes or flirted with you. If anything, they're probably trying to get a better feel for who you are and whether or not you're acceptable to them or feel comfortable to them. Even when looking for a hookup, many people are particular about who it's with. And that's completely their right. They can vet you as much as they want. And if you do understand that it's a hookup app, you will know that you and everyone else on there is rapidly judged and discarded based on preference by many, many other users. Even if someone thought you seemed interesting, a better pick could just as easily come down the line. It's that kind of place; it involves rejection en masse. If you can't handle that aspect, you probably shouldn't be on there. You can't go on there or anywhere with a sense of entitlement like that, that you automatically deserve something because of an interaction. Looking at things through that lens has led many down a road of bitterness and worse. When people start saying things like maybe they should treat women poorly as a policy because of experiences like this, it's a dangerous mindset to begin to fall into. It's not a logical reaction, it's wrong to treat people that way, and you can't treat the whole sex poorly for what a few members of it may have done to you. I feel that kind of thinking is very misguided and really needs to be nipped in the bud. It may sound like an overreaction, but the prevalence of such attitudes is disturbing, and I've seen many women suffering from it as a result.

 

[Ginock]

Before I say what I am about to I want to say this is only coming from personal experience, I would not want to sway anyone or discourage them from going on dating websites but I do not think dating websites are not the best idea.

I can see the positives, in support of Tinder a friend of mine met a girl on Tinder and they have just celebrated their first year anniversary to it can work. The problem from my perspective is that too many assumptions are made. It is far to easy to believe ones own paranoia, if you get to know someone and message them a few times and they stop communicating with you, an assumption can be made they are nasty and not worth your time but in the end I do not know what is going on in their lives.

It doesn't help that the advertising makes it seem so easy "oh come to match and we can promise you will meet someone or get your money back", if someone is venerable like I was it is far to easy to allow that to give you false hope and upset you even more.

What I would say (and the last thing I want to do is to rip on the OP) is just be careful about diving in with both feet, be cautious and never assume that what you want is what the other person wants is the same thing.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I wouldn't go out with a guy after 25 minutes of talking lol.

+1

Sad he immediately went to "Hmm, maybe I need to be an arsehole." as a response when it was because he gave her his number waaaay too soon.

Well, I've been at parties talking to girls and they're normally quite happy to share numbers after 10-15 minutes to be honest. The last three parties I've been to, I had two numbers a night! But tbh I've never had a date, so what do I know, eh?

And this girl was being very suggestive, not to go into too finer detail. Not like I requested anything filthy, just meeting up for a drink or something. Such a blunt rejection after some very obvious flirting just suggested to me that she just wanted to take the piss from the start, meh.

TBH the "I need to harden up" reaction also wasn't immediate. It's more that I've had girls mess me about worse than this for years, and this is just yet another symptom of it. I guess I was in a bad mood last night too, so sorry for that

Other girls I've talked to on Tinder express some kind of frustration that I'm not asking for their number after 10 minutes. I've actually been unmatched for trying to hold a conversation as opposed to just leaping in with innuendo or something.

I guess the long-and-short of it is that Tinder is a schizophrenic app and my experience with it has been terrible

 

[ardour]

Well, I've been at parties talking to girls and they're normally quite happy to share numbers after 10-15 minutes to be honest. The last three parties I've been to, I had two numbers a night! But tbh I've never had a date, so what do I know, eh?

...

Other girls I've talked to on Tinder express some kind of frustration that I'm not asking for their number after 10 minutes. I've actually been unmatched for trying to hold a conversation as opposed to just leaping in with innuendo or something.

So you've had quite a bit of positive feedback from women too...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, I've been at parties talking to girls and they're normally quite happy to share numbers after 10-15 minutes to be honest. The last three parties I've been to, I had two numbers a night! But tbh I've never had a date, so what do I know, eh?

...

Other girls I've talked to on Tinder express some kind of frustration that I'm not asking for their number after 10 minutes. I've actually been unmatched for trying to hold a conversation as opposed to just leaping in with innuendo or something.

So you've had quite a bit of positive feedback from women too...

Well...yes and no!

I'm 24 and I've never had my first kiss. I get numbers but I don't really know what to do with them (I know how silly that sounds, lol), and on the rare occasion girls flirt like crazy with me they've always rejected me if I show my interest back in any way more serious than some cheesy line (I.E. asking for a date).

So to say I'm confused is probably an understatement. I've been confused for years. It's like trying to play Scrabble, but no-one's taught you the rules

Perhaps I just jump in too quickly? But in the past I've always taken things far too slowly. So I guess I need to find and understand the natural happy medium between the two

 

[ardour]

Well...yes and no!

I'm 24 and I've never had my first kiss. I get numbers but I don't really know what to do with them (I know how silly that sounds, lol), and on the rare occasion girls flirt like crazy with me they've always rejected me if I show my interest back in any way more serious than some cheesy line (I.E. asking for a date).

So to say I'm confused is probably an understatement. I've been confused for years. It's like trying to play Scrabble, but no-one's taught you the rules

Perhaps I just jump in too quickly? But in the past I've always taken things far too slowly. So I guess I need to find and understand the natural happy medium between the two

Flirting is a playful, humorous sort of thing, correct? Not a direct display of interest. I would flirt back and keep the atmosphere relaxed for as long as possible, then perhaps request a meetup in a more circumspect way.

To just ask for a date at the first opportunity probably seems a bit predictable to them. Something is lost when you make it obvious that you're interested too early (or too late). Timing and all that. Why women lose interest based on these things is something I neither care for nor understand - after all, if you're into someone it shouldn't matter that much - but since it does, you just have to play ball or find someone who doesn't mind so much if you make 'blunders', don't follow the script perfectly.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Maybe ask for an email address, or give yours before going to the phone number. Honestly, I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting a guy from an app/dating site after a 10 minute convo.
Meeting someone and talking to them in PERSON for 10 minutes is different, you can see them, see their body language, watch them with others, get a sense of who they are.

As for the teasing, some people are just naturally flirtatious. They mean no harm, but they also don't mean to get with you. I'm that way, but I make sure the guy (or girl) knows that it's good natured and NOTHING will come of it. Sometimes it does make guys run off, because they are only looking for a booty call, but I don't want those guys in my life anyway. But, back to my point, not all girls will tell you the flirting is innocent and nothing will come of it.

It is kind of sad that you went to being an *******, but I can understand the knee jerk response. I can also understand the comments and advice you were given. However, you don't need to become an *******, but have you considered not being polite and sweet ALL the time? I mean, there must be some kind of rebel in you. A sarcastic comment (Good natured, NO insults or being mean) here or there never hurt anyone. But never be anyone you're not. If a girl can't accept you for who you are, you don't want her anyway.

 

[9006]

The girls harder to get to know are the ones worth it. These girls you're meeting seem to be so open like they do it all the time, maybe you're simply meeting the wrong people.

 

[Badjedidude]

Yeah, there was. Notice I didn't say attacking, I used a more mild term. People want to put him down but that is what Tinder mainly is used for.

I didn't see anyone putting anybody down.