Hi, I'm male and suffer extreme social anxiety. I had a female therapist who was a lot older than me (in her 40s) whilst I was 18. She would buy me gifts, flirt with me, say suggestive things and generally hint to a life after therapy together. Over the period of 2 years we text nonstop and became incredibly close. I realize she was my therapist, I knew she was a lot older than me, but I didn't care. My love was blind and as pure as I'd ever experienced it. I became intoxicated by the love I felt we shared. She promised me a life where she'd protect me and make me feel emotionally safe in a way nobody else ever could. A life where I'd live with her and not have to worry about my social anxiety anymore. She promised to save me and give me a way out of my terrible situation. She said that I'd never have to worry about money again and she'd save me from myself. She made out like I was the only person she felt she ever truly needed. She made out like I was her missing part and that she'd do anything to keep me in her life. I still remember the last time we touched. It was a hug and she said: "i will never abandon you and that's a promise." I should of known better, but I was blinded by my feelings.
When the therapy ended so did my face to face contact with her. Radio silence went on for about 2 months until I text her asking what happened and why she hadn't saved me yet. I was upset because she promised so much but nothing happened. She had left me alone to struggle with my issues alone despite her promises. I was confused and hurt, but her reaction hurt me even more. Instead of being honest with me, she made out like nothing was going on between us. She gas lighted everything I said and made out it was all lies like I was crazy and thought it all up. She told me everything was in my head, even though I had text proof of her saying all sorts of stuff such as: "For a lot of people *** makes them feel more emotionally safe with their partner" for no reason. She just text me that when I was talking about feeling emotionally unsafe and saying I never feel safe. When I mentioned this to her of course as one of the many times she'd crossed the line she denied it and said I'm imagining it up. I even showed a friend at the time she sent that and he said it was obvious she wanted to sleep with me. Like I knew it wasn't all in my head, but she was making out it was.
She continued to text me monthly from then onward till I gained the courage and self worth to ignore her. She attempted to text me 3 more times and email me, but I ignored that too. It's been quite a while since her last attempt to contact me. I feel so confused and rather cheated out of the life she promised me. She promised me an escape when I was at my worst point. I thought she was honestly going to save me and we'd be happy from that point onward.
She fed this fantasy that we'd live together and spend the rest of our lives together. She made out like I was her true love and we were soul mates. She said she wanted spiritual companionship just as much as me because she is equally as lonely. She made out like she would save me from myself and give me purpose. I told her my deepest secrets and connected on a level deeper than any I'd connected to a person before.
She used to compare me to a princess stuck in a tower desperate to be saved and described herself as knight in shining armor. Obviously the roles were reversed, but it still sounded good to me. She said that she'd support me financially because I am too anxious to hold down a job. I told her how I don't think it's fair because I can't support with money due to not being able to work and she said that it was fine because it would be like owning a pet that she can get benefits from as well. I know I should have known we were never equals when she said this, but I was too blinded by my emotions to see things properly. I should have known the moment she compared me to her pet dog I wasn't a truly important person in her life.
I feel as though my emotions and mind was toyed with by this woman till the very last day I finished therapy. She probably had no intention on doing anything she promised from the very beginning, I was just too stupid to ever realize what was going on. I was just a game to her in the end. She would have dragged me through this for years if I'd of let her. The first week she didn't contact me after therapy ended despite the fact I was in a really bad place due to worry proved to me that she wasn't going to keep to her word. Yet still to this day I still miss her and what our relationship was like. It was the closest I ever got to dating. I feel so lost without her. Even now I crave to have that older woman figure in my life who seems interested in me and seems to love me despite my faults. I feel like I can never replace that and it hurts so much thinking it was all fake anyway.
When the therapy ended so did my face to face contact with her. Radio silence went on for about 2 months until I text her asking what happened and why she hadn't saved me yet. I was upset because she promised so much but nothing happened. She had left me alone to struggle with my issues alone despite her promises. I was confused and hurt, but her reaction hurt me even more. Instead of being honest with me, she made out like nothing was going on between us. She gas lighted everything I said and made out it was all lies like I was crazy and thought it all up. She told me everything was in my head, even though I had text proof of her saying all sorts of stuff such as: "For a lot of people *** makes them feel more emotionally safe with their partner" for no reason. She just text me that when I was talking about feeling emotionally unsafe and saying I never feel safe. When I mentioned this to her of course as one of the many times she'd crossed the line she denied it and said I'm imagining it up. I even showed a friend at the time she sent that and he said it was obvious she wanted to sleep with me. Like I knew it wasn't all in my head, but she was making out it was.
She continued to text me monthly from then onward till I gained the courage and self worth to ignore her. She attempted to text me 3 more times and email me, but I ignored that too. It's been quite a while since her last attempt to contact me. I feel so confused and rather cheated out of the life she promised me. She promised me an escape when I was at my worst point. I thought she was honestly going to save me and we'd be happy from that point onward.
She fed this fantasy that we'd live together and spend the rest of our lives together. She made out like I was her true love and we were soul mates. She said she wanted spiritual companionship just as much as me because she is equally as lonely. She made out like she would save me from myself and give me purpose. I told her my deepest secrets and connected on a level deeper than any I'd connected to a person before.
She used to compare me to a princess stuck in a tower desperate to be saved and described herself as knight in shining armor. Obviously the roles were reversed, but it still sounded good to me. She said that she'd support me financially because I am too anxious to hold down a job. I told her how I don't think it's fair because I can't support with money due to not being able to work and she said that it was fine because it would be like owning a pet that she can get benefits from as well. I know I should have known we were never equals when she said this, but I was too blinded by my emotions to see things properly. I should have known the moment she compared me to her pet dog I wasn't a truly important person in her life.
I feel as though my emotions and mind was toyed with by this woman till the very last day I finished therapy. She probably had no intention on doing anything she promised from the very beginning, I was just too stupid to ever realize what was going on. I was just a game to her in the end. She would have dragged me through this for years if I'd of let her. The first week she didn't contact me after therapy ended despite the fact I was in a really bad place due to worry proved to me that she wasn't going to keep to her word. Yet still to this day I still miss her and what our relationship was like. It was the closest I ever got to dating. I feel so lost without her. Even now I crave to have that older woman figure in my life who seems interested in me and seems to love me despite my faults. I feel like I can never replace that and it hurts so much thinking it was all fake anyway.
