The devaluation of ***.

[Naleena]

You are quite correct. I hadn't meant it to sound like some people have a good reason for cheating.

I know, silly you. You just worded it funny. I know you would never condon such a thing as a good reason.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

People cheat for a number of reasons. Lack of attention, anger, boredom, reaffirming desirability... to name but a few. But it's never meaningless, there is always a reason, even if its a bad one.

I think ALL reasons for cheating are bad ones. People are adults and if they are missing something in thier relationship, they need to talk about it. Thats why we have mouths. Also, if they "fall out of love" like some people do, it's much better for them to leave and then go sleep with who they want. It's never cool for any reason to cheat on anyone. There isn't a reason other than a bad one, for doing such a thing.

yeah....cheating is no good. Live and learn...i guess
My ex-wf wasn't totally innocent either...she has her story to tell.lol
A relationships is hard, while we all have our perceptions of what
a perfect relationship should be. We all take our own morals and value
into a relationship. i mean a marriage license is a writting contract.
And to actaully take your vows on the alter of god....when you
fail to live up to those standards or ideas....it's like living in constant
guilt or being doom...no matter what you do after.
It can really mess up a person. Have that mind set...
Then it just feeds on itself...if I was going to hell , i might as will
go out wiht a bang...

It was really a hard lesson i had to learn. When you cheat, you
cheat on yourself. I also don't like *** being used as weapon
or women holding the holy grail between thier legs.

yes...there's a lack of communication somewhere along the line.
Communication is not a oneway street. Or if your partner dosn't
want to hear what you really have to say...it's piontless

It sucks when the honey moon is over ....lol

I live in the US..so I'm free to love and marry anyone I choose.

There's still countries in this world that force marriage upon people...so that's has to be wierd.
I can't image being forced to have *** or love someone...to me that's like rap.

 

[Phaedron]

I think ALL reasons for cheating are bad ones. People are adults and if they are missing something in thier relationship, they need to talk about it. Thats why we have mouths. Also, if they "fall out of love" like some people do, it's much better for them to leave and then go sleep with who they want. It's never cool for any reason to cheat on anyone. There isn't a reason other than a bad one, for doing such a thing.

I'm no pushover. People need to be legitimate in their views, not simply do things because they can get away with it. Some people like the idea of jealousy, I do not. If I can't trust the person I'm with there is a problem. I'm not going to go forbidding her to do things or suggest that there will be dire consequences for doing so. She must be loyal because she wants to. I will not accept someone who wishes to make me jealous.

I will be the best partner I can be. I am a perfectionist in this regard. When problems arise I am left thinking "where did I go wrong?"

I was born into a hardcore Christian family. I embraced high ideals from a very early age. I sought God from my heart and sought the kind of relationship he condoned. There was a chance in high school, but her group home decided to transfer her and we were both minors. So I never went all the way. HS is the best time to find love, but also the worst. I am envious of those who found their one and only at such an early age and were both virgins at the time. I haven't gone all the way, but by now whoever I find likely has. It's something I have learned to accept.

Accepting it is accepting it. I failed to find someone who hasn't had love and now look at how old I am. I've already missed so much of her life. The flesh is corrupt and will perish, but the person inside is beyond all things. This is why I can accept someone with a rich *** life, but cannot accept their falling in love with someone else.

Today I have had enough. Lost my faith. God is no friend of mine, but rather one to be feared. Either we get what we deserve or we don't get what we deserve. I simply refuse to say I don't deserve love when I have sought it correctly. I've given him 10 years to help or inspire me.

Do not think that God is perfectly good. He condoned Abraham to cheat on his wife, he allowed king Solomon and king David to have a harem of hundreds of wives. He is a hypocrite in my eyes, one who exalts the evil and causes the good to suffer. He is nothing more then an authority figure I must obey should he make himself known, if he exists.

My failure to realize this at an early age is my cross to bear, and now I will meet those who failed in their relationships. If I don't find someone I'll spend an eternity regretting it, never knowing the intense bond of love. If god sends me to heaven I'll carry a private hell within me, and vice versa. Sorrow as my reality, accepting love from no one, imagination as my heart. Existing to dream of a better life, where the good guys win in the end, while sleeping in a place where everyone was forgiven and the bad guys had the last laugh.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I personally think it sucks that women in this world would still get stoned to death..if she commited
adultry in an arranged married.
But men are allow to have mulitples wives and go to heaven...

What kind of crazy belife is if you do god's will and die . Your reward is to get 72 virgins in heaven.

There's seem to be a double standard somewhere.
Even in the bible...why is it okay for king saloman and many other kings to have mulitple wives ?
A man can bascailly say Oh will to a woman or punish her.
Obviousely...it was written by men to serve men.

 

[Estreen]

Hmm...I'm on the fence when it comes to religion. The Bible, and other religious texts, I am wary of; they were all written by man, so, its hard to trust that it's ALL what God wants, y'know?

I do think that pretty much everything happens for a reason, whether it be fate or (a) God, or whatever else it may be. Environments indeed play an important role in one's life, and that is why I don't expect everyone to hold the same views as I when it comes to ***. I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity and the environment to grow the values I have, and I wish it were possible for everyone, but I know this is not possible.

 

[Phaedron]

Hmm...I'm on the fence when it comes to religion. The Bible, and other religious texts, I am wary of; they were all written by man, so, its hard to trust that it's ALL what God wants, y'know?

I do think that pretty much everything happens for a reason, whether it be fate or (a) God, or whatever else it may be. Environments indeed play an important role in one's life, and that is why I don't expect everyone to hold the same views as I when it comes to ***. I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity and the environment to grow the values I have, and I wish it were possible for everyone, but I know this is not possible.

Yeah, I think you got it all right.

I've explored lots of different religious beliefs and all I can say in the end is don't rely on anyone but yourself and those at your side.

Maybe this departure will be a good thing for me. If things work out I'll return to be loving and thankful.

 

[Naleena]

Obviousely...it was written by men to serve men.

Exactly, Lonesome Crow Certain "religious" men blame women instead of that thing hanging between their legs for making them want ***!

 

[Naleena]

People change with time, and sometimes they change in ways that no longer makes a relationship viable. Any cracks that were there from the beginning will simply widen with time.

This is so true. We all grow and change. We are not who we were ten years ago. We are not who we will be ten years from now.
Unless a couple grows together, they won't make it.

 

[Naleena]

I think ALL reasons for cheating are bad ones. People are adults and if they are missing something in thier relationship, they need to talk about it. Thats why we have mouths. Also, if they "fall out of love" like some people do, it's much better for them to leave and then go sleep with who they want. It's never cool for any reason to cheat on anyone. There isn't a reason other than a bad one, for doing such a thing.

I'm no pushover. People need to be legitimate in their views, not simply do things because they can get away with it. Some people like the idea of jealousy, I do not. If I can't trust the person I'm with there is a problem. I'm not going to go forbidding her to do things or suggest that there will be dire consequences for doing so. She must be loyal because she wants to. I will not accept someone who wishes to make me jealous.

Ummmm, where you commenting on what I wrote?...lol I'm not sure what you wrote has anything to do with what I wrote...lol

 

[Phaedron]

Ummmm, where you commenting on what I wrote?...lol I'm not sure what you wrote has anything to do with what I wrote...lol

You probably think I'm a joke, a fool whose too passive. Maybe you're right. Maybe I would come to know *** in such a manner that it really felt sacred and I would be more upset then I let on if she cheated, but I'm not the one who dumps someone, not the one to cause problems.

Is it greedy of me to seek love so exclusively that I would never be truly happy without it? Is it wrong of me to feel eternal envy for those who found it? My feelings are they as are, I cannot change even if I want to. The stars bring together and take away... is it wrong for me to fight it? Are the twin flames real? Is it wrong of me to be so attached to one I find as to prevent uniting with a soulmate or does the soulmate merely come into existence under this attachment?

Also, you have a pretty avatar. When I thought of you a song of came to mind:

I think I was responding more to your first statement. lol
well you made me think anyway.

 

[RobertJW]

Since my marriage fell to bits I have not had *** for 18 months.

I could save up my money and go to a prostitute - if I was desperate. But like someone else said, *** has little point without love.

So like a lot of others I am now celibate, and I'll stay that way (unfortunately)

 

[Phaedron]

Two flames could be only if they wanted to be.

In general, if you feel truely the one you should be with is with you already there should be no "other soul mate" however if you still seek love then you are not truely in love at that momment.

If you believe that there is someone else out there that peeks your interest more - weigh the options before any cheating comes to mind ... like they say you probably have 80% of what you want now and more than likely the other person only has 20%.

Some people ( a low percentage ) stay with the person they saw on the side. But if it goes against her or your morals then the decision is only crystal clear.

I essentially agree with everything you said. I was wondering about the deeper spiritual implications of eternal love. What will happen in the future and after death and such.

Among the enlightened there is a belief that first the twin flames will be reunited. Since these enlightened believe in reincarnation these twin flames could be anyone at any time. Imagine the divine were to appear and demand you cancel your love with ???? and also offer you union to the perfect person for you, who was originally part of you. After that we again unite with soul familiies, all the way back to the original source. See emerald tablet or just google a twin flame search or soulmate and you'll encounter these theories.

Of course you're right in the end, because we need to do whats best for this life. What is real will always rank over what might be real.

 

[Naleena]

You probably think I'm a joke, a fool whose too passive.

No, I don't think your a joke or a passive fool. Your different than I am and I respect that. I don't tolerate things that you would. I have different personal boundaries when it comes to cheating mates. Cheating is a form of betrayal that yes, I would dump them and not think twice.
I believe in standing by someone who deserves it. If my mate got cancer, or he was fired, or he were going through a difficult time in his life, I would be right there. I am a very faithful person. But I am not giving my love to anyone who is undeserving and who takes it so lightly as to cheat. I know my value and my worth. If you have different opinions and believe in sticking by your woman if she cheats, that's ok. There isn't a right or wrong here....just boundaries.
Ours happen to be different. If a person is set on cheating, I think they should leave first. I don't think they should remain with thier mate and cheat too. Not cool.

Is it wrong of me to feel eternal envy for those who found it?

Ok, heres a kicker. While I believe you can find that special one, it's not always gonna be daisies. I promise you at some point you are gonna want to get as far away from them as you can. Anyone you are with will get on your nerves at one point or another. Doesn't mean you don't love them or that you would trade them for anyone else. There are ups and downs to everything- including Miss Right.
So while you are envying them remember, they may be envying your freedom because Miss Right is pms'ing that day...lol

My feelings are they as are, I cannot change even if I want to. The stars bring together and take away... is it wrong for me to fight it? Are the twin flames real? Is it wrong of me to be so attached to one I find as to prevent uniting with a soulmate or does the soulmate merely come into existence under this attachment?

Hmmmmmm...well, I can only answer you from my experiences. It takes a loooooong time to discover that soul mate. And by that I think you have to be around them and talk to them. I have heard people say that they knew instantly. I can't judge another persons experiewnce. If that's how it happened, good for them! Some people say they meet thier soul mates, go on with their lives and then end up with them later. I dunnoh how it will happen for you but, I hope it happens. It might not be as you expect it though. I think sometimes we go through relationships with others to PREPARE us for the one we are to be with. Sometimes they need to be in relationships to prepare them for being with us.....and that's ok However it is..it is and it's ok Like Steel said,(edited)"People change with time. The number of relationshipsis a number, pure and simple, and just, perhaps, reflects the life which they have led up to that point. It doesn't mean they view *** as something best kept casual." People learn from every relationship they are in and they also work on thier issues. Better I think that they work on them ahead of meeting up with thier soul mate. I think for me, and this is just me, there is a sense of admiration for someone who has worked through several relationships. I can see how they have been in thier past, what they have learned, how they have handled the stress and it says a lot about who they are now. They aren't the new kid on the block. They know what it is to be in the real world with a real relationship (and this isn't in anyway devaluing you or what you want, I respect your decision and opinion as valid) they know what it is like to be with someone on a day to day basis and in a way, they understand what to expect.

 

[Naleena]

Also, you have a pretty avatar. When I thought of you a song of came to mind:

BTW, you have great taste in music! I loved the song Thanks for intoducing me to this group!

 

[Satyr]

Here we go!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

This is fun! Careful with my horns...they're Prada.

 

[Naleena]

Here we go!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

This is fun! Careful with my horns...they're Prada.

RFLMAO!!!! Ohhh, can I touch 'em? I wanna see! Let me see! **reaches for horns**

 

[Gothmother]

Im glad i did my bit of sutble whoring in my teens before i married and had children as i definatly wouldnt now, But I wish i had waited a bit longer before i foolishly gave my self to the person i did.
I wasnt love, it was lust and it was horrible and i was too young and stupid to care.
I think that if you wait for the right one, then thats cool. If you want to experiment, then thats cool too (so long as its safe)

 

[Satyr]

RFLMAO!!!! Ohhh, can I touch 'em? I wanna see! Let me see! **reaches for horns**

**stomps hoof twice for "yes"**

:shy:

 

[Phaedron]

What is cheating really? Cheating is cheating. Breaking an agreement. If one agreement can be broken, then any agreement can be broken. So I won't be so forgiving to someone who cheats on me, but it will be a long debate if she tells me she wants *** with others.

Yes relationships are a learning experience, as are all things, but this would seem to suggest we cheat on one another and see what being with that person could teach us.

Every past relationship remains special to you in the present which is in itself a betrayal to the idea of monogamy. If you've shared love with many why not just keep doing so? What is the purpose of wanting to keep it exclusive when it has already become a delusion?

Let us consider the question of one mate vs many mates under the assumption that we all grow and change a great deal.

What if you could live for 1000 years? In that much time wouldn't all of us have seen everything from every perspective and played out every role? Thus the idea of leaving someone for change or to find someone better falls flat in the face of our potential for growth and change. You could experience life with the same person or with another and it wouldn't matter in the long run.

Someone who doesn't think of their past relationships as a mistake is likely to leave you eventually. This kind of person hasn't learned that the grass is always greener. Also women are willing to upgrade and men are willing to downgrade, thus comes the kind of woman who stays in a relationship until she finds someone better. Take a look around. Lonely men are at something like a 10 to 1 ratio to lonely women.

Lets go back to whats obvious and immediately apparent. When choosing a mate the most important quality is their commitment to work through problems and stay together rather then bail out and say "its been fun." If you chose a mate for passion alone then you were of the type who might as well go with everyone and you didn't really care about love.

Not every person who seeks passion seeks love, but every person who seeks love can create and understand passion.

The will is more important then the way. Without the will the way will fall to pieces. If the way falls to pieces then the way is the will. If the way is the will then the way leads us from one mate to another. Therefore make a conscious decision between love and passion. Which will dominate the other?

We have great capacity for change and growth and the only things set in stone is our astrology, numerology, and anything else affected by our birthday and name. These qualities will always be there.

 

[Phaedron]

I think for me there is a sense of admiration for someone who has worked through several relationships. I can see how they have been in thier past, what they have learned, how they have handled the stress and it says a lot about who they are now. They aren't the new kid on the block. They know what it is to be in the real world with a real relationship (and this isn't in anyway devaluing you or what you want, I respect your decision and opinion as valid) they know what it is like to be with someone on a day to day basis and in a way, they understand what to expect.

I'm sorry, but it does devalue me. I know that wasn't your intention, but thats how the argument goes. Come to think of it the only time women ever found me attractive when was I dating this fat girl. I thought maybe they just wanted to tempt me, but now I understand.

Women don't want a commitment minded man whose been saving himself for something real. They want the guy whose been with all the ladies because all the ladies like him. They don't want the nice guy, they want the bad boy. They want someone desirable like them who believes in changing it up, thats what they themselves do.

So this is how it is. Alpha males get all the babes and nice guys get nada. Rich handsome millionaire or bust. No amount of willingness, devotion, or creativity will change that. So where do I go from here? I'm sad now and I feel like crawling into a corner to die.

You want the perfect guy, but he can't be perfect if hasn't committed adultery. You want it to be easy, and for him to have been easy. Easy is easy, and hard is hard. Take a guess at which falls apart easily. Oh wait thats something we consider to be a good thing.

To me a lot of relationships devalues my entire view of their ability to maintain a relationship, and makes me question their sincerity. These are either losers who couldn't get it right the first time, or didn't want to get it right at all. If you really love someone you can get through anything. To me its pretty stupid to go from person to person till you find the right one. Temptation: there will always be someone better.


(also had another reply on the last page and notice how I changed your quote slightly.)