The family I never had...

[CenotaphGirl]

You know life is strange, loneliness is very strange, I have been lonely for as long as I can remember,
There's always been this ache, this need for a family. Everyone else I saw had one, I always used to say... one day I'll make my own.
I used to obsess over it actually, it will be me, him, and a baby... maybe 100 babies if he'd allow it.

A very traditional household is what I wanted, very structured and very typical gender roles.
I feel sometimes, I was born into the wrong era, I hear so many of my peers talk about children as burdens,
Disregarding marriage as some sort of financial trap and disregarding family... the thing I have always wanted.

I don't wish for everyone to be forced into previous gender roles, I just wish, a desire for them was not so looked down on...
As a society we always go from one extreme to the next, this is acceptable and thats not, there's never a grey space.

A space where I can say, I want a husband, of a desired height, preferably blue/green eyes over brown,
who provides with minimal mental health issues, a man that is happy to lead the household, saying that is taboo?

I have to sit here and pretend I want something I don't or else I'm an enemy to the new social standing.
Just some thoughts that have been swimming around my old noggin lately...

 

[Colster]

Loathed to admit this, but here goes...

On the staircase I have a large picture called, The Awakening of Adonis, painted by John William Waterhouse. Set in a summer meddow next to a stream, Adonis is waking from sleep, to his wife gently kissing him. Their children giggle and play, as they watch on. An idyllic ideal, filled with innocence.

Being entirely realistic, I knew such imagery could never exist in the harsh realities of the real world. However, I had hoped that when my family began, I might be able to experience the fantasy of it.

Naturally, it never happened. Nothing even remotely close. Yet, the older I get, the more the image appeals to me. Although I suppose, I would now be awakening to see my grandchildren, assuming I had any.

 

[ewomack]

You know life is strange, loneliness is very strange, I have been lonely for as long as I can remember,
There's always been this ache, this need for a family. Everyone else I saw had one, I always used to say... one day I'll make my own.
I used to obsess over it actually, it will be me, him, and a baby... maybe 100 babies if he'd allow it.

A very traditional household is what I wanted, very structured and very typical gender roles.
I feel sometimes, I was born into the wrong era, I hear so many of my peers talk about children as burdens,
Disregarding marriage as some sort of financial trap and disregarding family... the thing I have always wanted.

I don't wish for everyone to be forced into previous gender roles, I just wish, a desire for them was not so looked down on...
As a society we always go from one extreme to the next, this is acceptable and thats not, there's never a grey space.

A space where I can say, I want a husband, of a desired height, preferably blue/green eyes over brown,
who provides with minimal mental health issues, a man that is happy to lead the household, saying that is taboo?

I have to sit here and pretend I want something I don't or else I'm an enemy to the new social standing.
Just some thoughts that have been swimming around my old noggin lately...

I think there are still plenty of people who think this way, even among the young.

You will also likely start to find more people who feel like you do as time goes on, once the hormones and spasms of youth settle down.

I've known a lot of people who said in their late teens: "No way am I getting married! No way am I having kids! That's for zombies and morons!" and they ended up doing both within the next decade. Now they can't imagine life any other way.

It's all what you want. I didn't want to get married, either. Now I've been married twice. I never wanted kids and I don't have them. So I'm batting .500, apparently.

Don't give up hope. I think you'll find your situation will be easier to come by than you think in a few years. Youthful rebellion quiets down for many people when the realities of adult life whack them in the face. I was surprised, for one. My 16-year old self would be pretty disappointed in my now self, though not completely. He would think it's cool that I work with computers, but he would wonder where his glorious career as a self-absorbed raucous rock star went.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Loathed to admit this, but here goes...

On the staircase I have a large picture called, The Awakening of Adonis, painted by John William Waterhouse. Set in a summer meddow next to a stream, Adonis is waking from sleep, to his wife gently kissing him. Their children giggle and play, as they watch on. An idyllic ideal, filled with innocence.

Being entirely realistic, I knew such imagery could never exist in the harsh realities of the real world. However, I had hoped that when my family began, I might be able to experience the fantasy of it.

Naturally, it never happened. Nothing even remotely close. Yet, the older I get, the more the image appeals to me. Although I suppose, I would now be awakening to see my grandchildren, assuming I had any.

Wow, the art work itself paints a thousand words, but I think thats sort of my ideal life, I was at a wedding and my aunt made a speech and mentioned being "devoted to your husband" and half the women in there rolled their eyes and scoffed, and I thought omg, I'd love to have a husband to devote myself to, why is this so shunned?

Idk maybe I am refusing to move with the times, I just feel day by day that my idea of family will never happen for me. The man I want is gone, that was the man of yesterday, the role I want is gone, the roles have merged, become blurred, become something I want no part it. Not sure if that makes sense..

 

[Colster]

Wow, the art work itself paints a thousand words, but I think thats sort of my ideal life, I was at a wedding and my aunt made a speech and mentioned being "devoted to your husband" and half the women in there rolled their eyes and scoffed, and I thought omg, I'd love to have a husband to devote myself to, why is this so shunned?

Idk maybe I am refusing to move with the times, I just feel day by day that my idea of family will never happen for me. The man I want is gone, that was the man of yesterday, the role I want is gone, the roles have merged, become blurred, become something I want no part it. Not sure if that makes sense..

I don't see it as an impossible dream. If anything, I think you have a perfectly rational desire. Although, it just might take time and a little effort.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I don't see it as an impossible dream. If anything, I think you have a perfectly rational desire. Although, it just might take time and a little effort.

I don't think its possible Colster, they dont make em like they used to

If I was to delve deeper, I actually think its an agenda, the average / working class family was climbing too high up the social ladder when they paired together, got married and purchased property, to keep everyone renting they have dismantled the idea of marriage and family for everyone.

 

[ardour]

You know life is strange, loneliness is very strange, I have been lonely for as long as I can remember,
There's always been this ache, this need for a family. Everyone else I saw had one, I always used to say... one day I'll make my own.
I used to obsess over it actually, it will be me, him, and a baby... maybe 100 babies if he'd allow it.

A very traditional household is what I wanted, very structured and very typical gender roles.
I feel sometimes, I was born into the wrong era, I hear so many of my peers talk about children as burdens,
Disregarding marriage as some sort of financial trap and disregarding family... the thing I have always wanted.

I don't wish for everyone to be forced into previous gender roles, I just wish, a desire for them was not so looked down on...
As a society we always go from one extreme to the next, this is acceptable and thats not, there's never a grey space.

A space where I can say, I want a husband, of a desired height, preferably blue/green eyes over brown,
who provides with minimal mental health issues, a man that is happy to lead the household, saying that is taboo?

I have to sit here and pretend I want something I don't or else I'm an enemy to the new social standing.
Just some thoughts that have been swimming around my old noggin lately...

We no longer live in a society where that role makes sense to a lot of men. It's risk with limited or qualified benefit. No fault divorce, in which case wife takes the kids. Or working full time and supporting the family, but still expected to do half the housework, child rearing and "emotional labour".

What is your desired height BTW and what has that to do with anything regarding 'provider duties'? You're pretty open with all this.

 

[Sir Joseph]

CenotaphGirl, what you're describing and wanting isn't unusual, wrong, or even gone. It's just been overshadowed by a feminist movement intent on denying traditional gender differences and complimentary roles. The whole world's not accepted this route though. There are still some countries and certain religious cultures holding onto strong traditional family values and gender roles. Mexico's Catholics and America's evangelical Christian Promise Keepers are just two examples out of many.

I think the loss of traditional family values and roles is a direct result of our societies' secularization. In the U.S. for instance, the Bible used to be respected as the model for marriage, which entails clear roles and responsibilities between a husband and wife. There are genuine Christians that still follow this path, but their lives won't be revered on public media or supported by any educational or governmental institution. Such people now are labeled as ignorant, hateful, bigots - enemies of the cultural revolution that's been going on for decades.

The bad news, in my view as a Christian at least, is that the current secular trend of destroying the family, eliminating gender identity and roles, and demonizing traditional Biblical values, is going to continue - with the U.S. and developed countries pushing this cultural trend onto the rest of the world.

The good news is that there are still men out there holding traditional marriage values and roles like you CenotaphGirl. Christians and Catholics aren't the only pool to draw from, but I'd suggest that any serious, Bible believing, evangelical Christian is a prime place to start. Unfortunately, there aren't too many of those around in the U.K. anymore, but they can be found online or in a good (traditional) church. Like me and many others here, you may never find your ideal mate in life. I can't help with that, but I can encourage you to hold onto your proper dreams for a traditional family and to seek it in the best manner.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

We no longer live in a society where that role makes sense to a lot of men. It's risk with limited or qualified benefit. No fault divorce, in which case wife takes the kids. Or working full time and supporting the family, but still expected to do half the housework, child rearing and "emotional labour".

What is your desired height BTW and what has that to do with anything regarding 'provider duties'? You're pretty open with all this.

I think theres some truth to that, a lot of women no longer want to do their part, I do, but that makes me shunned and shut down, so the overwhelming voice is of those who want nothing close to what I want. The desired height is unimportant it's just the fact that I feel unable to say it, that I think is a major problem.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

CenotaphGirl, what you're describing and wanting isn't unusual, wrong, or even gone. It's just been overshadowed by a feminist movement intent on denying traditional gender differences and complimentary roles. The whole world's not accepted this route though. There are still some countries and certain religious cultures holding onto strong traditional family values and gender roles. Mexico's Catholics and America's evangelical Christian Promise Keepers are just two examples out of many.

I think the loss of traditional family values and roles is a direct result of our societies' secularization. In the U.S. for instance, the Bible used to be respected as the model for marriage, which entails clear roles and responsibilities between a husband and wife. There are genuine Christians that still follow this path, but their lives won't be revered on public media or supported by any educational or governmental institution. Such people now are labeled as ignorant, hateful, bigots - enemies of the cultural revolution that's been going on for decades.

The bad news, in my view as a Christian at least, is that the current secular trend of destroying the family, eliminating gender identity and roles, and demonizing traditional Biblical values, is going to continue - with the U.S. and developed countries pushing this cultural trend onto the rest of the world.

The good news is that there are still men out there holding traditional marriage values and roles like you CenotaphGirl. Christians and Catholics aren't the only pool to draw from, but I'd suggest that any serious, Bible believing, evangelical Christian is a prime place to start. Unfortunately, there aren't too many of those around in the U.K. anymore, but they can be found online or in a good (traditional) church. Like me and many others here, you may never find your ideal mate in life. I can't help with that, but I can encourage you to hold onto your proper dreams for a traditional family and to seek it in the best manner.

Wow, thank you for this, I find the religious connection so interesting, I'm agnostic so I doubt a religious man would be accepting of this.

 

[Finished]

The good news is that there are still men out there holding traditional marriage values and roles like you CenotaphGirl.

I'm too old to know. But, don't the alpha type college guys still want the traditional marriage setup?

 

[Sunless Sky]

You know life is strange, loneliness is very strange, I have been lonely for as long as I can remember,
There's always been this ache, this need for a family. Everyone else I saw had one, I always used to say... one day I'll make my own.
I used to obsess over it actually, it will be me, him, and a baby... maybe 100 babies if he'd allow it.

A very traditional household is what I wanted, very structured and very typical gender roles.
I feel sometimes, I was born into the wrong era, I hear so many of my peers talk about children as burdens,
Disregarding marriage as some sort of financial trap and disregarding family... the thing I have always wanted.

I don't wish for everyone to be forced into previous gender roles, I just wish, a desire for them was not so looked down on...
As a society we always go from one extreme to the next, this is acceptable and thats not, there's never a grey space.

A space where I can say, I want a husband, of a desired height, preferably blue/green eyes over brown,
who provides with minimal mental health issues, a man that is happy to lead the household, saying that is taboo?

I have to sit here and pretend I want something I don't or else I'm an enemy to the new social standing.
Just some thoughts that have been swimming around my old noggin lately...

There's nothing wrong with liking what you like as long as you have your priorities in order.

I've always wanted a family myself. Kids that I can coach in life and at the gym.

Its true that times have changed and traditional gender roles are looked upon as relic of a bygone era. However, that holds true for western cultures, there are cultures out there, like mine, where a traditional marriage and family is not only the norm, but is highly desired.

 

[Sir Joseph]

Finished, I'm not a good judge anymore on young mens' preferences for women, but I'd hold that the desire for a modern, independent, liberal woman verses a traditional valued one is dependent upon world view and culture more than age. That world view and culture used to be determined by one's parents' religious or political views, but mass media, cultural pressures, and the educational system now challenge that influence. One can look at studies now, assessing the religious beliefs and moral values of Americans broken down by age groups, and see a definite trend of disbelief and moral decline occuring with each generation. This irreligious trend is affecting the culture big time, making the separation between traditional values and progressive ones ever more present and relevant. Of course, your personal world view dictates whether you like the trend or not, but the trend is undeniable. In this matter, CenotaphGirl's U.K. is ahead of the U.S., but both countries are on the same path.

CenotaphGirl, a genuine Christian shouldn't marry an Agnostic, but that may not prevent a relationship with one. I've courted Atheists, Agnostics, Buddhists, Catholics, and unknowns in my search for Miss Right, knowing that I wouldn't yoke myself to an unbeliever but that I would likely influence one. Here's a point to consider that I've learned from experience: a man with strong beliefs and values will inevitably influence a woman; it can work the other way around, but a woman's loving heart and emotions make her more likely to believe, accept, and follow the man's lead - if he has strong beliefs and values, which many don't of course. Point being CenotaphGirl, if you found an attractive man on a Christian date site sharing your family values, I wouldn't rule out the possibilities. If he's a good man and a genuine Christian, he might just change your Agnostic views in time, and in a direction that you'll appreciate later.