The frustration at parties

[TurinTurambar]

So I'm at a party with my friend and things start out ok. I'm talking with a few girls a few guys but then it broke down how it always does at parties. I end up standing/sitting alone looking around for someone to talk to. My best friend was there chatting up with his old friends that I didn't know and honestly wasn't interested in. It's like that phrase "In a room full of people but still alone."

Honestly, this probably isn't my crowd. But then where is my crowd? Do I even have a crowd? The reason I say they aren't is because I'm very intellectual and they're all pretty much the dumb/jock/cheerleader crowd. I like talking about science or politics or anything that requires a few more brain cells, not how I got into some stupid fight at a bar.

Does this happen to anyone else? You always end up being a wallflower?

 

[evanescencefan91]

ugh i think i know the parties your talking about, nothing going on and they're always playing some bad mainstream pop music

I never cared for those

it's good that you're getting out and going to parties

but don't worry there's a crowd out there for you, maybe you just have to try and find the right places, maybe book clubs, or something

there are plenty of interesting and smart people in the world that know a lot about science and politics, heck they may even be at one of those parties but they're overshawoded by the loud drunks

it's hard finding people you can really connect with, but there are interesting and compatable people out there don't give up looking

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
Yeah, I know exactly how this feels - get me in a group of 2 or more people and after about 30 minutes, my eyes start glazing over and I'll look around and see everyone but me engaging in an seemingly exciting conversation. If I'm at a social event and this happens, I either force myself to get involved or I leave. Having a preschool child provides a GREAT excuse to leave most of the time
I have a few friends, though that have the same intellectual type interests as me and I've kept in touch with them over the years. I think it's great that you're at least trying to get out there and socialize but it's just a fact, for a lot of people in fact, that you're not going to meet exactly your type of person every time you go out. Good on you for at least trying, though.

Teresa

 

[A new life]

So I'm at a party with my friend and things start out ok. I'm talking with a few girls a few guys but then it broke down how it always does at parties. I end up standing/sitting alone looking around for someone to talk to. My best friend was there chatting up with his old friends that I didn't know and honestly wasn't interested in. It's like that phrase "In a room full of people but still alone."

Honestly, this probably isn't my crowd. But then where is my crowd? Do I even have a crowd? The reason I say they aren't is because I'm very intellectual and they're all pretty much the dumb/jock/cheerleader crowd. I like talking about science or politics or anything that requires a few more brain cells, not how I got into some stupid fight at a bar.

Does this happen to anyone else? You always end up being a wallflower?

I am not an educated person ,
but I could not agree with you more.
jocks just bore the hell out of me.

 

[jjam]

I stopped going to parties in my teen years when I realized that I never found comfort or enjoyment in them. I went through a phase of being somewhat embarassed by the fact that I didn't party in that way, but now I am pleased to share with concerned people that I am not into parties. It feels good to love yourself and realize that this will hold true regardless of someone's rejection of you over stuff like that. That was never something for me to feel ashamed of.

 

[Masson]

I only go to parties because I'm bored or really don't have anything better to do. I can't say that I enjoy them because people just suck these days at throwing a party. Also those are the only times when I drink so I kinda go all out and by the end I'm usually drunk which is a nice way to make time pass by and just don't care about anything around me.

 

[Claudia]

I really hate parties, which makes things weird if you're a teenager - everyone else seems to constantly be either at one or planning the next one.

 

[Missing You]

I also hate parties, I used to go sometimes so people wouldn't bother me cus I dont go out alot. But it sucks every time. It's ridiculous, you have to do what's best for you and don't care about what other people that dont mean anything to you think it's the right thing to do.

Sorry if my english sucks, Im drunk and lonely right now.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I can say this has happened to me a few times. When I would go out I would just hide until it was time to go.

One thing I do know is that placing yourself on a pedestal like you are will contribute. No offense but you are saying you are above them and want nothing to do with them. That is a sure fire way to remain alone. Why not try to understand what they are interested in. . If you give them a chance, they might give you a chance. Who is the one with no friends after all?

 

[Fitz]

I understand what you're all talking about and all that, but jesus all this **** about you being intellectual? The word is used so much it's losing all bloody meaning. What the hell does it even mean anymore? What teenager wants to talk about politics at a party, huh? **** that, you're supposed to have fun. Get a little wild, be spontaneous. You can be all proper and intellectual when you're middle-aged, married, kids and talking to some stiff about the state of the economy or some ****. You're no smarter than anyone, who do think you are? Look, I'm sorry for coming across all aggressive, but whoever you are, you need to change your outlook on people. Seriously you do. Grow up a little will you? Loosen your inhibitions and you'll be much better off. There's more to people than what you build in your head on first impressions. This is to the rest of the people posting responses too, don't be so damn cynical, jeez. Lighten up.

 

[Destructotron]

You lost me the moment you said that you're too intelligent for them. This is intellectual arrogance at its finest and it makes you sound pretentious and pompous.

This is a trend I see amongst people who aren't good at socializing. They absolutely never blame themselves, it's always everyone else at fault. ''They are too stupid, I am too smart.''

You may find it hard to believe, but people share different interests. Just because they don't share yours doesn't make them any less smart or intelligent.

Regarding myself, I never end up as a wall flower because I can keep my ego at bay.

 

[Cellophane diamond]

I've always found most parties a bit soul destroying. Love the song "how soon is now" because it catches that feeling. Now unless I'm really relaxed and enjoying the party i leave. Sometimes it bothers me, but often it doesn't; certainly not nearly as much as when I was younger.

 

[genfastsalts]

I agree with others about re: intellectual elitism, although I'll try to be a little softer lol. Maybe you're young...

Believe me, it is a fallacy to go down that road -- "maybe I'm just smarter than everyone else". It's anti-social. I know because I consider myself an intellectual and I've been damn close to believing it myself.

The fact is... not having a playful side =/= being smarter than everyone else.

This thread title instantly struck a cord for me because I am truly horrified at parties. But it's different. I know I have to let go, chat it up, find a playful side, etc.. I do have a sense of humor and a party wit to go to. But I don't always find it and I get very disappointed when I find myself in a spot where there's no rhythm/no momentum at all. It sucks. I've turned it into a performance thing and it's very discouraging when I can't deliver. Even when people talk to me and (seem to) like what I have to say, I am still consciously wondering if there's any point -- stuck in my own head. Expectations are another issue for me, I'm not sure what it is I'm trying to get from people. Blending in well with half-hearted follow-ups and head-nods only makes me feel like a fraud.

What bothers me most is seeing everyone so relaxed and at-home, while I know I am not.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I find parties to be pure idiocy and populated by idiots. As per my signature, I try not to call attention to that, but my feelings don't change. Call it intellectual arrogance all you want; I am perfectly fine with not poisoning my judgment with alcohol and wasting my time frivilously.

 

[Soup]

I find parties to be pure idiocy and populated by idiots. As per my signature, I try not to call attention to that, but my feelings don't change. Call it intellectual arrogance all you want; I am perfectly fine with not poisoning my judgment with alcohol and wasting my time frivilously.

I'm sure lulling around on the internet trying to convince people you're intellectually superior to the general population isn't frivolous.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm sure lulling around on the internet trying to convince people you're intellectually superior to the general population isn't frivolous.

There is no try about it

 

[TurinTurambar]

I'll be back later but I am truly disappointed in many of the replies here. I will probably not be using this forum anymore.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'll be back later but I am truly disappointed in many of the replies here. I will probably not be using this forum anymore.

At any rate, you will find more intellectual discussion at any location that has individuals who are more educated or have a disposition toward intellectuality. Parties are strongly correlated with alcohol which usually does not correlate to deep thoughts, midnight ramblings about politics aside.

I would recommend that you look for a club of similar interests. That is what I did when I was in college and I found it immensely rewarding; any parties they held also had people who weren't just interested in randomness.

Good luck at any rate. I might recommend this forum for you as well: http://www.physicsforums.com/index.php

I'm a member and you might appreciate the overall aura of that site better.

 

[TurinTurambar]

I understand what you're all talking about and all that, but jesus all this **** about you being intellectual? The word is used so much it's losing all bloody meaning. What the hell does it even mean anymore? What teenager wants to talk about politics at a party, huh? **** that, you're supposed to have fun. Get a little wild, be spontaneous. You can be all proper and intellectual when you're middle-aged, married, kids and talking to some stiff about the state of the economy or some ****. You're no smarter than anyone, who do think you are? Look, I'm sorry for coming across all aggressive, but whoever you are, you need to change your outlook on people. Seriously you do. Grow up a little will you? Loosen your inhibitions and you'll be much better off. There's more to people than what you build in your head on first impressions. This is to the rest of the people posting responses too, don't be so damn cynical, jeez. Lighten up.

Intellectualism has a meaning. It is being knowledgeable with yet even the thirst for more knowledge. I'm not a teen anymore. I think I am smart and I am confident I am smarter than someone talking about their collection of body tattoos like it's the best damn thing in the world. I believe you need to grow up. I HATE to argue on the internet, but you remind me of the bullies in my high school. This is the type of **** I have to deal with everyday, people talking about the latest wrestling match or their sweet COD Kill/Death ratio, and it sucks.

*steam blown*
Don't know if this will help the situation but I appreciate your advice, I think we just see things differently. To all the other posters sharing similar stories as mine, thank you.

---

IgnoredOne I'll check that site. Cellophane which artist made that song?

 

[IgnoredOne]

I think you'll particularly enjoy the Politics and World Affairs forum under General Discussion. It remains one of the few genuinely intelligent places where such topics are discussed, and a surprising number of different point of views, all with good arguments behind them.

As far as intellectualism having meaning, well, of course. People are not all equal in all ways, which should be obvious by the fact that we have a grade distribution curve. One of my best friends was an elite soldier in the special forces, and I can assure you that I was never born with his reflexes.

The first impression is important because it is usually true.