the time is coming...

[WebStyles]

I recently broke up with the person with whom I've been living with for over 2 years. Break up was all very friendly, no discussions, just mutual agreement that we were growing apart and the relationship wasn't working anymore. She's still in my house, looking for a new apartment, and should be leaving soon (next 15 days).

I'm the sort of person who plans in advance, so I anticipate challenges problems, and in this case, feelings. I've been through this several times before, and I know I have severe problems with loneliness, to the point that I'm not alone yet and I already feel an awful emptiness right in the middle of my chest, that seems to create pressure, trying to push tears out.

For the most of it I've been acting as decent, honest and generous as possible. She's been told she can take whatever she want from the house when she leaves, and I've offered my assistance in helping with the moving, and that she can come back and visit the dog whenever she want. This part is going fine. I'm also getting rid of stuff I don't want (I actually gave a jeep to the neighbor today, 'cause I had 2 and really only need one car).

Now the hard part is that I'm struggling with my feelings. I'm terribly afraid of loneliness, because I'm fully aware of what it has done to me in the past. I find myself making lists of hundreds of things to do, so I don't even get a single second to feel sorry for myself. If I end up letting those feelings in, there will be no stopping them, but while all this is going on, I can feel the pressure build up inside me, and I know sooner or later I'm going to break down. Just trying to write about this dries my throat and waters my eyes.

It's the silly things that get to me... Like cooking for myself. I'm quite a good cook and I enjoy it, but I'm used to doing it for two... So I've lost the will to cook. I find myself grabbing a sandwich in the local coffee shop just to get by.

I've never been very good on my own, so I guess I'm scared.

I'm sure thousands of people have been (or are going) through the same, so any little tricks to cope or advice, would be greatly appreciated.

thanks

 

[Naleena]

Wow. It sounds like you are a person who lives to give of himself. You sound like you have such a kind heart. You will, as you know, have to face your feelings sooner or later. We all pay the piper. While you are anticipating future challanges and feelings, I wish for you to anticipate meeting someone who is going to make you very happy. The challange is to get through the limbo, that uncomfortable place of waiting for that person. That space allows you to make more of yourself and better yourself. It allows you room to grow and yes, it sucks at times. You were alone in the past and you found someone. You will be alone again for a little while and you will find someone better. Keep your head up You can do this!

 

[WebStyles]

Thanks Naleena, It was very kind of you to take the time to read my rather long and boring post.
I guess you're right, I do live essentially for others. I like helping people and animals, and I often find myself quite requested. In times like these, though, people calling me up because they need help makes me feel even worse, as if that's the only reason people call me... And the fact that right now, the person in most need of help is actually me.

Finding a(nother) partner has never been on my mind. It's not the sort of thing I look for. Normally I just let things happen, without making an effort to go out more, or meet new people. I'm told I'm quite handsome and fit (for a guy my age), and I have never had much trouble with girls, but that's just not my style. I like things to happen by coincidence, or by accident, or something, so there was no starting off with someone desperately looking for a partner... (I feel I didn't explain that right, hope you get what I mean).

I know I will eventually find another person, or another person will find me... It's just sad that every few years, someone, for whatever reason, pushes the reset button, and suddenly we're back where we once started, with a broken heart, a few more experiences, a little older, and with he exact same fears and doubts we had 15 years ago.

 

[Naleena]

Thanks Naleena, It was very kind of you to take the time to read my rather long and boring post.
I guess you're right, I do live essentially for others. I like helping people and animals, and I often find myself quite requested. In times like these, though, people calling me up because they need help makes me feel even worse, as if that's the only reason people call me... And the fact that right now, the person in most need of help is actually me.

First rule, Webstyles, take care of yourself. You are as important as anyone you help. BTW, what do you mean by helping animals? I see you have a dog as your avi.

I know I will eventually find another person, or another person will find me... It's just sad that every few years, someone, for whatever reason, pushes the reset button, and suddenly we're back where we once started, with a broken heart, a few more experiences, a little older, and with he exact same fears and doubts we had 15 years ago.

I wish I had some words to make it better, but I don't. I do however believe that if you live your life with passion and you find what makes you happy, eventually you will draw that person to you that will not want to push the reset button. For now, however, there are people here who will be happy to listen when the loneliness gets to be too much for you. You may feel lonely, but you are not alone. ((((hugs))))

 

[WebStyles]

First rule, Webstyles, take care of yourself. You are as important as anyone you help. BTW, what do you mean by helping animals? I see you have a dog as your avi.

I help out the local animal shelters. I go there, clean up dog poo, walk the dogs, cuddle them, give them treats, brush them, save other dogs from the streets and take them to the shelter, actively search for new owners, participate in adoption and food campaigns... Well... basically I do everything I can for both cats and dogs.

Thank you for your kind words. This is weird (talking to strangers on a forum about feelings) but kind of reassuring... I feel a little bit better now

 

[Limlim]

Also what helps is to start taking advantage of all the things you can do now that she's gone. Did she like to listen to 80s pop and kept it on the radio non stop? Turn that **** off. Did she insist the air conditioner be off when you were dying from the heat? Turn that **** on. Did she hate onions in her food? Throw em in with dinner.

It's time to be selfish, live it up!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What you resist...persist.

Embrace it...welcome it.
Let it flow through you...

Im not saying ...youre not going to feel anything..but the sooner you process it..the sooner you get pass it or let go
of it..


It neatrual....I was going through the samething...but in reverse.
I was holding on to anger. hate and pains..
I kind da knew I had to do it...but the feels are so instance...I kept resisting it so it built up even more...

My GF and I are getting back together.
We grew apart...now we're growing closer.

I even lived with another women while we were saperated..

Im not giving you advice about your relationship or what decisions to make.

Im simply sharing what I did to obtain peace within myself..

I didnt make any of this stuff up.
I learned it from from professionals or from people that gone through changes or painful situations in life and walked through them. .

---

Evidently...when I was living with another woman...I was being selffish and living it up....

But my Fiance and I have a long history together. So dont compair youre relationship to mine.