A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their "own" value and capability. do you think your worthless? did you lock your kids in a car and push it into a river? should your parents be punished by god for making you? if your answer is no to these questions. then its a pretty safe bet that your not a bad a person. which would mean your lack of confidence is not the result of external influence. but rather, comes from with in. only you can fix how you feel about yourself. but the only way to do that is to believe in yourself. don't think, but know that you deserve to be happy. and if anything or anyone tries to get in the way of that. you will not allow it to. do understand? ask yourself? are you some punk ass?! are you gonna let some one or some thing dictate how you are going to live your life? if your familys life was in danger. and you were the only one who could help them. would say, oh well. I guess there gonna die cause I'm not good enough to save them. no! your not gonna do that. if you did then you are a punk ass. everything a side. if you were in conflict with yourself. and you wanted to end the turmoil. would you look inside some one else for the answer? or would you look inside yourself. you don't have to be depressed to do some soul searching. to tell you a little story about myself. for the majority of my life I was an un happy person. my father was in prison. bye age 6 I already felt rejected by mother. so much so that the school noticed some thing was not right with me. and ordered her to take me to a shrink. but he was un able to resolve our differences. so she allowed to me live with my grand parents, where I spent the rest of my youth to my teenage years. that was untill my grandfather had a stroke. slowly died over a matter of months. mean while the women who I really considered my mother had been diagnosed with cancer. so again I got to see some one I loved slowly die. around this time a friend of mine from school was shoot and murdered. so after my grand parents both died. I was lost with no where to go. there have been many times in my life where I slept in parks or street benches. I had to drop out of school. eventually my biological mother and I made peace. and she offered me a play to stay. so of course I accepted. but even a roof over my head wasn't enough to wipe away my fears and insecurities. then one day, I met her. my saviour, my soul mate. with just one smile she could turn hell into heaven for me. but in the beginning I did not know I was going to fall for her so. for a year we were just friends. the progession was slow. we didn't rush a thing. becuz there were no expections between us. we were just two people. then one day I realized I liked her so much. that if I were going to be stuck on a desert island with only one person for the rest of my life. I'd want it to be her. there was nothing else anyone could give me that I wouldn't rather have from her. so I tell her how I feel. and she admits she feels the same way. well from that point on our relationship begins to evolve. from some thing beautiful. to some thing strong. it was like we became the same person. I can honestly say that if I were forced to either give up my legs, or give up her. I'd give up my legs any day! she really touched my heart. we got to the point where we decided we were going to get married. and have kids. then one day, after 4 years. it was over. to say the least I was devastated. to the point where I tried to take my own life. ( I took a bottle of sleeping pills) by some chance my brother found me. and called the ambulance. it was horrible. but the thing is after our split. I was lost. I didn't know who I was any more. that big empty hole in my heart is where the other half of my soul used to be. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a child lost in the woods in the cold dark night. it took me a long time. but I realized that if I ever wanted a real chance at healing. I would have to do some thing about it myself. the pain was that unbareble. to the point that some one as pessimistic as myself would try to be optimistic in hopes of switching off the pain in my brain. so what did I do? I searched my soul. asked myself. who am I? and my conclusion was that I was only half of one soul. so I then asked myself, can I function this way? and the answer no. she would never again fill that empty hole in my heart. so I knew as long as I left it open i would never heal. so I then asked myself. who was I before all this happened? and I didn't know. so the answer was clear. figure out who you are. then you can decided where you want to go in life. so thats what I've been doing all this time. figuring out who I am. right now I am lonely. so I joined this forum in hopes to make friends. I've also learned that even tho I am trying to take possitive steps to heal. theres still a lot of hurt down deep inside. but if I keep trying then maybe one day the scars will go away. you should really consider doing the same. find out who you are. you'll never really know what you want if you dont know who you are.
