this frienship of mine is bringing up a lot of negative feelings about myself

[SophiaGrace]

So I recently made a friend offline. And, we've been friends since october. I think I've made another thread saying I felt pathetic to feel so happy over spending time with them. But this thread is about something I've noticed myself feeling while I am with them. I don't understand why they want to know me. Why they want to know how I am feeling. Why they want to spend time with me. Why they even talk to me as though I am worth something.

I'm so used to being ignored & rejected that I never realized that I felt like crap about myself even when I am not ignored & rejected. You'd think being paid attention to would have a validating feeling associated with it. Maybe in this case it is making me say "wait? What? No, I'm worthless. You're contradicting everything I've ever known about human behavior towards myself." Maybe I just have bad self esteem.

But the reason for the bad self esteem is not clear. Does the bad self esteem come from others behaviors towards me? Or does it come from myself?

I tend to avoid people because I expect rejection and I've embraced being a loner for a few years now.

I often assume people like being my friend online because they can't see my face and that if they saw my face they wouldn want to be my friend anymore.

I'm so used to having online friends. Having an offline friend is weird.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I guess the answer is to just ignore the feelings and enjoy the friendship.

 

[nerdygirl]

*hugs*

As long as nobody was your friend offline, you were able to focus on the notion that all of these people are missing out on the awesomeness that is you. That would be a defensive way to think about it, and an ego booster as well. Now that you've got this offline pal, you can't really think about things in quite the same light. Suddenly, somebody isn't missing out, and you have to stop and wonder, "Wait, am I so sure that I'm great?" You're feeling insecure about the friendship and yourself, and that's pretty normal. What you have to do, though, is remember that this person wanted to be your friend in the first place. So have some confidence in this person and in yourself. Your friend obviously has good taste.

 

[whispers]

You know what to do !! It doesnt matter where the low self esteem comes from, a multitude of things added up through the years. The main thing is that you realise it, and you know that it doesnt have its place in that friendship. As you said ''embrace it'' because you deserve it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't think I felt I was awesome nerdy. More like, I had a sense of "pride" that I was independant. I still have this pride, I just didn't realize that I had feelings of worthlessness in regards to how I saw myself in other peoples eyes "They think I am worthless." Was my inconsious thought pattern turned into a consious isolating pattern for me. Because how dare I assume I was worth enough to have a friend offline? How dare I assume that that hypothetical boy I thought was cute would ever want to date me? What a preposterous thought!

Soph just put her head down and walked right on by instead of even daring to think that those people would want to be her frend or date her, and focused on other things.

I think some loners think they are awesome and it is a defense mechanism/ ego booster. But I am not one of those people. I want to think I am smart, sometimes I think I am funny, but soph never thought people would want to be her friend offline. I'm so used to long distance friendships where I never see the person's face. Its weird seeing a person consistently and them not telling you to come to church or a group meeting, but wanting to do stuff with you personally and have fun. Being asked to church or a group meeting is more impersonal soph thinks.

 

[Missing]

Just wanted to say that you have a great personality from the posts i've read and I for one,am one of those people who LOVE what a person is on the inside,I love a person who can hold a nice conversation,talk to me about their feelings,tell me about history,art or science.Whatever...anything about this world we live in.So if you're smart and funny you shouldn't be surprised at all someone likes your company.I only have one friend that likes to hear me talk or rant forever about stuff like that.About my feelings,my personal problems,my theories ,about psychology whatever.Other people often get bored.So yeah she probably does like your company

But in my opinion,the world is generally a lonely place,because we people don't reach out to each other,and instead of seeing a possibility of a new friendship when we meet someone new,we greet them with a frown...It's just sad.

 

[In a lonely place]

I think I understand a little of what you mean soph.
I think it's natural to feel like you do.
At the moment I'm hoping a friend at work will become a closer friend and even though I think she's amazing and she seems to like talking to me, I'm really scared of taking the next step and asking her out. Just thinking about it is making me behave differently to how I normally behave.
I feel I may be not good enough for her and I think that if I get rejected in any way it will destroy my calm, predictable and sometimes boring life.
But I'm gonna take a chance.

Good luck.

 

[SophiaGrace]

But I'm gonna take a chance.

That's the spirit!

 

[jjam]

It's like you're questioning their sincerity. If that's so, then I know the feeling. But for me it has less to do with me and more with just observing them. Anyway, the only thing you can do is work to shake the feeling by any means.

Self-reminders might even help. Do you think you're fun? Funny? Witty? Enjoy doing FUN stuff? Then that's part of why they want to know you. Do you uplift? Inspire? Enlighten? There's another. Give yourself some credit, gal!

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

it sounds like you're expecting an ulterior motive to surface from out of this friendship. when people have mistreated you so much in the past, it's only natural to expect to have more of the same. I'm the same way. When people are nice to me I don't usually think to myself "wow, this person is nice". I think "what is this person try to get out of me?" this is a cynical way of looking at things, no doubt. but don't ignore your feelings. you're having them for a reason. hopefully, things will continue to go well for you, and the worries that you're having will prove to be unnecessary.

 

[Hoffy]

I get like that a lot, I always wonder why the hell would someone want to be friends with me. I'm nothing special. I am always more interested in others.

 

[nerdygirl]

You never thought you were awesome? Silly. I do not befriend unawesome people, and I certainly do not invest my time in worthless people.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You never thought you were awesome? Silly. I do not befriend unawesome people, and I certainly do not invest my time in worthless people.

*hugs*