This is painful

[riley81]

I don't know what to do. I'm a 33 yr old man from India. I'm married and we have a 3 yr old. I've grew up in a house where I was the middle kid. My parents doted on my elder sister and my younger brother and I were mostly ignored. My dad worked in another city for most of my childhood and I only seen him maybe once a year. I always seen my mother do things for my sis but I was expected to be independent and take care of my brother. Even when in the company of family and friends she would praise my sister for the smallest of things like academics. Though I achieved the same without even trying. Things like new clothes for me were an afterthought. first my sister would get whatever she wanted and if there was anything left I may or may not have what I actually needed like a new pair of shoes to replace the ones with a hole in the sole. I didnt understand it then and I dont now. At 18 I moved to another city to work and after struggling for a long time my life changed. Made some great friends and had a great job. Mind you my mom never so much as said congratulations. Then my sister came to live with me because she wanted to study. I paid her bills. It was expected of me. Finally after 2 years of failing to finish her courses she got a job. a year passed with me just doing my work and taking care of the housework and bills because for some reason she refused to do them herself and if I refused I was emotionally tortured by my mother and my sister. Then one day she calls me and asks me to call my parents. Apparently she was dating this jerk who broke up with her and was blackmailing her. she paid him off but now he was threatening her again. She had never let me know any of this before. Hell she even hid the fact that she was dating. For some weird reason my parents blamed me that I was not watching out for my sister. Mind you she's older than I am. We finally moved to a new house. She started dating someone else and started her own business. I started dating and moved in with my girlfriend. 3 years later she called me and asked me to meet her. Apparently her boyfriend who was also her business partner was cheating on her, had wiped out the business account and was a drug addict as well. And she needed help. My girlfriend and I did the best we could. We invited her to stay with us till it blew over but we soon realised it wouldn't work because she began treating my girlfriend like her slave. I finally told her to leave. She went to live with my parents. My girlfriend and I moved into the old house, paid off a year's house taxes and cleaned it up (and I mean CLEANED it up. There were dirty dishes everywhere, piles of mouldy clothes, the loo was filty etc). When I finally decided to get married I was in for a shock. My sister had steadily been poisoning my mother's mind about my fiance. matters came to a head on the day before the wedding when my sister told my fiance to "crawl back into the gutter from where she came". My parents supported her. I stood up for my fiance and walked out. My younger brother is a gem and finally brought my parents around and called a spade a spade. The wedding happened but my sister had effectively spoiled my wife's relationship with my parents forever. Over time we've learned to accept it but any meetings with the family are painful and awkward for us because while they aren't overtly rude there's a lot of underhanded comments and sarcasm. I'm beginning to feel this is affecting me emotionally because I've recently moved back to my hometown with my wife and daughter, (Its a better place to live in for a growing child), but now since my family is so close by they want to spend time with our daughter, and that's even worse because my wife and I have to swallow it up because I don't want it to affect my daughter.

My sister still lives with my parents, has a great job, does not pay any bills, has breakfast in bed, does not do the groceries, has her hair dried, clothes ironed. All by my mother and my mother keeps praising her and treats me like an idiot though I have a business of my own now started from scratch.

Yes I realize that I feel jealous, but am I wrong? I've tried to ignore it and move on but they keep letting me know how great she is. Its pissing me off and my wife is really unhappy as well.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You and your sister are two different people. It's not right that your mother seems to coddle her more, but perhaps she feels like it's necessary. Just concentrate on your own life. You're doing fine, and your sister's life doesn't need to dictate anything you do.