This is very depressing

[German American]

I'm a 25 year old college student, and would like to be in a relationship for the very first time. I have not have much success with it and that is making me very depressed. I have tried to meet young women, both online and at school between the ages of 18 and 25, like college age but they don't seem to be interested in me even though I approach and talk to them. Which is unusual because I'm a career/goal oriented, determined, driven, strong, muscular, attractive (debatable!) German guy.


I have had no success on Christian Mingle also. Which I had joined 4 months ago since the girls I tried to reach out to at Winona State didn't think I was "cool" enough. I have had some email exchanges and IM chats on CM, which have only lead to nowhere. In July I met someone on Christian Mingle who I dated and I thought it went well, I liked her and everything and was excited about a second date, but after that she lost interest for some reason, maybe I was just homelier than she had anticipated. This resulted in me becoming near suicidal. This week I set up a time to meet with someone and got excited about that since she agreed but then she changed her mind.

The problem is not that I'm not finding someone who I think would be right for me. I have found quite a few females in their early 20's who I thought would be a good match for me, its just that they are not loving me back, ironic given the last sentence of the first paragraph. Unless I'm just quite homely.

I don't want to come across as being a desperate guy who will settle for just about anybody, that is certainly not the case. I actually have some standards with women, the ones who meet my criteria are actually not hard to find, but my anxiety to be in a relationship is most likely due to lonelieness and denial in college and with school starting in less than too weeks it is intensifying. I feel like being one of the few students who are single there makes me secluded and isolated. I think that the fact that I haven't entered a relationship must mean there is something abnormal or wrong with me, such as homlieness or not masculine enough, or not athletic, which is unusual because I think of myself as a good looking masculine man who is a accomplished runner.


It makes me sad when I see young attractive couples making love, holding hands, looking quite content and proud, thinking about their future and families and here I am, alone, with nobody who shows any respect, appreciation or admiration to me. I believe that singleness is emptiness, not a blessing, a curse if anything. There is nothing good that can come out of being single, it just means that God doesn't care about your happiness and pride. A 45 year old guy who is without kids, single, and never been in a relationship I don't see how anybody can respect him even if he has a Ph.D.




I have prayed to God that he has a beautiful young Frau for me who will show interest in me and how God created me to be. I'm also a very family oriented person, love family, family bonds are priceless to me, that being said from someone who has done a lot of genealogy and lineage work. I desire to spend my midlife with a family, my wife and my children. I have a strong desire to have kids someday, I think I would be very sad if I reached the end of my life and my bloodline has ended. I want to instill pride in their heritage and teach them good moral values.




I have a desire to be a leader. A strong man who protects his girlfriend, wife, kids who look up to me. I need someone to follow me. Someone who will be my servant, my follower, my housewife that being said I would not enslave them but treat them with love, care and respect.


Last year I had a hard time in school. I did fine academically and earned C's, but I could have done better if I was happier. There was this girl who I had liked from WSU but she would not speak to me or even wish me a happy birthday.

I don't know how much longer this will continue, or if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I pray to God but he doesn't seem to care about my happiness. I had anticipated that I would soon be in a relationship on Christian Mingle, but I guess that is not the case. And if you are telling me I need to "get out there" well that's good advice but in this case it is vain because I do. I've been to many social groups but don't connect at all. I have been told by the leaders of these groups that I make the girls feel uncomfortable and I don't know why.

 

[Bob Lee]

Hello German American,

First of all I am sorry to see you suffering in your state of loneliness. Like many of us here at ALL, we deal with our life of seclusion in our own way some for the better others for the worst. We get by day by day just the same!

Just so you know I read all of your original post twice, because I really wanted to be certain of where you were coming from, with that being said. I realize we all have are own unique perspectives of life as well as what matters the most to us. So most of what you say in your post although I don't agree with, but I do nonetheless respect how you feel.

But I gotta address what you said here....

A 45 year old guy who is without kids, single, and never been in a relationship I don't see how anybody can respect him even if he has a Ph.D.

If you truly feel this way, prepare for a long life of insecurity and disappointment.
You are not going to be able to please everybody and fit that perfect image that appeases to everyone... so don't bother!

I can only assume you are getting your Ph.D. to make a difference in the world.... Go on, and do that without the constant need for someone to approve you. Do what you love, and be happy! Stay true to yourself, you are who you are. You clearly stayed true to yourself most of your life otherwise you wouldn't have reached this point in your life. So why change that narrative now?

If you still want the wife, kids, and picket fences you can still have those things, just make sure that is what YOU want not because you think that's what society wants for you. You are the one living this life, and not anyone else. You are the one that gets up in the morning. You are the one that feels the way he feels whether it be for the worst or the better. No one can take that away or improve it! Only you can!

The one absolute truth I learned in this life, by constantly trying to please everybody I stayed more miserable than ever. The moment I began not caring what others thought and I stayed true to what I wanted and how I felt, I always felt free, liberated, and the most happiest. All of this while mostly being a loner!

Although I am a Loner by choice, I want all the same things you want, but I am not willing to compromise who I am to get them. I would rather be alone and content with my life, Than be with someone that really doesn't love me for the sake of being with somebody and undoubtedly be miserable.

German American; I hope you get all the things you want out of life, that Ph.D. you working towards, that wife, those kids, and everything else. I just hope you do all for you and not what you think the norm says.

I hope your feelings of loneliness reduces, subsides, and you get everything that you want in accordance to who you truly are!

Peace and Good Luck in all things!