Tired of Crying

[PrincessShameless]

I guess this would go here. My name is Shaney and im a young, almost housewife in training. 20 years old. Been with my significant other since i was 16. He is an amazing provider. But he thinks that thats what love is. That as long as i have my house and my car and some hugs and kisses ill be fine. And its not. I cry all the time. I feel like i have no meaning in life and like what i say or do doesnt matter. I try to tell him this and he doesnt understand.It may be because of his culture, his family is from india and over there.. the woman stays home and the man works and all is fine an dandy. He sometimes says things that make me feel like less of a person and i try to tell him and he says i just take it the wrong way. like i took a nursing assistant class and i passed the course but failed the test.. and today he went to sign up for his pharmacy classes and i wanted to sign up for some classes to and hes just like "no you failed" .. it hurt me.. and i told him.. and he said he was just kidding blah blah blah and that i take everything the wrong way.
I had left him a few months ago and moved back home with my family but he drove halfway across the country.. brought me a ring and asked me to marry him and come back.. and ofcourse i said yes. Blah i guess im just complaining about my life.. i dont even know what im asking to be answered.

 

[JasonM]

You are the only person who can choose to change your existence. If you are unhappy and don't want to be then change what you choose to do. Of course it's easy to say such things as we get complacently comfortable in our routines, but it starts with you.

We can do little about the past, but I hope you decided to take advantage of your future whatever that means to you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

This is a complicated situation. You obviously want to be an independent adult instead of reliant on this male provider. You are not the only woman to have felt like this. THe fact that men provide and women are home-makers/child bearers/child-carers leaves women in a vulnerable situation economically. Men are not traditionally seen as having the responsibility of children AND being expected/wanting to have a career as well. IT's very difficult, even impossible, to do both at the same time.

When men leave women, women become poorer and it just causes all sorts of stress for single mothers. If you think your family would support you in trying to advance yourself via educational means, then go for it. But, if they are not willing to watch your child while you go to school or work, then you may have a problem because paying for child care is not cheap.

it's very difficult because of the dual role it puts you in.

 

[Wessik]

You might try being more specific about what you want out of life. It seems that you are dissatisfied with your current life, but you don't seem like you have a clear image of what you want. Before you can change your circumstances, you must take a good look and evaluate where you are right now. Once you have a clear picture of what needs to be fixed, you will be able to fix it much more easily.

Note, this may or may not include your fiancee.

 

[monkeysocks]

Was what was said a naughty joke or to knock your confidence ? it could be he is scared you may leave again. Succeeding in a career would give you the opportunity to do so. Perhaps that is why he said it. Only you know.

You are clearly very unhappy, perhaps try talking to him or writing a letter prevents rows and lets you put your points across without interruption.

Do you think that perhaps you are or weren't as ready as you thought to settle down ?

 

[Okiedokes]

When men leave women, women become poorer and it just causes all sorts of stress for single mothers. If you think your family would support you in trying to advance yourself via educational means, then go for it. But, if they are not willing to watch your child while you go to school or work, then you may have a problem because paying for child care is not cheap.

it's very difficult because of the dual role it puts you in.

Yeah... Fully agree with this. Trust me... you want to have something established. I am surprised he's trying to get in your way.. doesn't he want more money in the household? I do realize the husband work/wife stay at home situation but that's a personal preference...sounds to me you do NOT prefer this. It's good AND healthy to have some independence because if he ever leaves...you'll be left with nothing and it's good you have family. I was lucky to have family as well.. thank goodness. Just live by your own preferences..if you wanna work..or go to school, then do it. He might want to be the money maker, but he should support your wishes too..part of being a husband. Or wife.

 

[perfanoff]

I guess this would go here. My name is Shaney and im a young, almost housewife in training. 20 years old. Been with my significant other since i was 16. He is an amazing provider. But he thinks that thats what love is. That as long as i have my house and my car and some hugs and kisses ill be fine. And its not. I cry all the time. I feel like i have no meaning in life and like what i say or do doesnt matter. I try to tell him this and he doesnt understand.It may be because of his culture, his family is from india and over there.. the woman stays home and the man works and all is fine an dandy. He sometimes says things that make me feel like less of a person and i try to tell him and he says i just take it the wrong way. like i took a nursing assistant class and i passed the course but failed the test.. and today he went to sign up for his pharmacy classes and i wanted to sign up for some classes to and hes just like "no you failed" .. it hurt me.. and i told him.. and he said he was just kidding blah blah blah and that i take everything the wrong way.
I had left him a few months ago and moved back home with my family but he drove halfway across the country.. brought me a ring and asked me to marry him and come back.. and ofcourse i said yes. Blah i guess im just complaining about my life.. i dont even know what im asking to be answered.

If that guy went across the country to bring you a ring and ask you to marry him.. you really have no place to tell him what love is, honey. Have you ever or will you ever do the same thing for a man?

That said I'm sorry you're unhappy with him. But you've got a marriage, and more importantly a child. Suck it up and learn to live an be happy with it (him). Otherwise good luck being a single parent out there...

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Hmmm I'm not sure what to say but I think all woman should be independent. In most cases not all but some men hate when a woman is independent. But not all men. This sounds like a sticky situation for sure. Good luck Hun. Hang in there. Or try too.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I guess this would go here. My name is Shaney and im a young, almost housewife in training. 20 years old. Been with my significant other since i was 16. He is an amazing provider. But he thinks that thats what love is. That as long as i have my house and my car and some hugs and kisses ill be fine. And its not. I cry all the time. I feel like i have no meaning in life and like what i say or do doesnt matter. I try to tell him this and he doesnt understand.It may be because of his culture, his family is from india and over there.. the woman stays home and the man works and all is fine an dandy. He sometimes says things that make me feel like less of a person and i try to tell him and he says i just take it the wrong way. like i took a nursing assistant class and i passed the course but failed the test.. and today he went to sign up for his pharmacy classes and i wanted to sign up for some classes to and hes just like "no you failed" .. it hurt me.. and i told him.. and he said he was just kidding blah blah blah and that i take everything the wrong way.
I had left him a few months ago and moved back home with my family but he drove halfway across the country.. brought me a ring and asked me to marry him and come back.. and ofcourse i said yes. Blah i guess im just complaining about my life.. i dont even know what im asking to be answered.

If that guy went across the country to bring you a ring and ask you to marry him.. you really have no place to tell him what love is, honey. Have you ever or will you ever do the same thing for a man?

That said I'm sorry you're unhappy with him. But you've got a marriage, and more importantly a child. Suck it up and learn to live an be happy with it (him). Otherwise good luck being a single parent out there...

You are assuming he did that out of love instead of a desire to control her.

 

[perfanoff]

You are seeing malice instead of a very beautiful act.

Bottom line is.. everyone's world is how they choose to perceive it.....

 

[SophiaGrace]

You are seeing malice instead of a very beautiful act.

You are not looking at the possibilities. Are you even aware of how abusive relationships can work?

 

[Okiedokes]

You are seeing malice instead of a very beautiful act.

You are not looking at the possibilities. Are you even aware of how abusive relationships can work?

Yeah it is sweet in one gesture...but is that the intent behind it? It really depends. I agree.

I know that sometimes the woman can be seen as a lesser half. Hopefully that doesn't stir up anything...

 

[monkeysocks]

You are seeing malice instead of a very beautiful act.

You are not looking at the possibilities. Are you even aware of how abusive relationships can work?

Yeah it is sweet in one gesture...but is that the intent behind it? It really depends. I agree.

I know that sometimes the woman can be seen as a lesser half. Hopefully that doesn't stir up anything...

Some cultures see women as the lesser half, Also men who control.

I am very anti belittling peoples weaknesses so not going to pass judgement on his intent because it would be bias - and I don't know the person or how he behaves.

Could be either only the lady will know.