Tired of getting played

[Eureka7]

I'm just going to jump right in if you guys don't mind (I'm new to the forums)

I'm 18 years old and have never have a girlfriend, this often makes me very upset as I'm the only one in my circle of friends that has never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, been cared for by one, etc. I started to develop a bit of a crush on my friend at one point, I consider her to be very kind and beautiful and is used to my presense, so I thought that would be as good a girl as any to begin with. As time went on, I began to send her signals and it seemed liked she did as well. She had gone through a bad breakup at one point and I as well as another friend were the first to jump to her defense and console her. She seemed a little happier after the breakup and we got closer and closer. She told me one day that like the other friend an that he makes her happy, which upset me because he's never don anything that I haven't done. So she kind of got senses that and immediately went on about how she didn't want to hurt me and she shouldn't have told me what she did. Now she's all over him and continues to talk to me, I wanted to be left alone for awhile after that. Not to mention that the friend she seens to like isn't actually going for her and is just "waiting" because he has a few other girls that like him as well, so I'm constantly left in the dust. But through all of this, I'm expected to be happy for them? I don't think so, maybe I should just become asexual or something. Anyway, lwt me know your thoughts

 

[Locke]

which upset me because he's never don anything that I haven't done.

It's probably not based purely on what either of you have done for her, because that's just shallow and too simple. You wouldn't want to be with a girl who's that shallow anyway, right? It's more likely that she's attracted to him because of his personality and/or physical appearance, and there's nothing you can do about that. You aren't him, and never will be. If she has her heart set on your friend, then doing stuff for her to win her over will not make much difference.

If you're hurt, you don't have to be happy for them. It must hurt quite a bit to feel like you're second choice to a guy who isn't even as interested in her as you are, just feel what you need to feel and don't let it make you bitter. She probably did not choose him to hurt you. I can't say whether you'll be able to win her over or not because I don't know any of you. But if she doesn't change her mind, the best thing you can do is keep looking and waiting for someone who will like you for who you are. This girl may not be the one.

maybe I should just become asexual or something.

I know you were joking, but that's not how it works. You can't choose to become asexual, because the amount of sexual attraction you feel towards others is part of who you are, not a decision you can make. But joking or not, don't swear off relationships because of this. If things don't work out with this girl, just take a long break if you need one.

Welcome to the forum, and good luck.

 

[9006]

Maybe you become 'friend zoned'? A lot of people make this mistake of 'always being there' for them or 'biding your time' when eventually you're just classed as a friend. If you like someone; tell them, weather they want to act on it right away is a different story.

It's a pretty ****** thing to go through but I suppose you could learn from it. It's understandable you feel 'the odd one out' but I wouldn't try and rush into something because of that.

 

[murmi97]

which upset me because he's never don anything that I haven't done.

It's probably not based purely on what either of you have done for her, because that's just shallow and too simple. You wouldn't want to be with a girl who's that shallow anyway, right? It's more likely that she's attracted to him because of his personality and/or physical appearance, and there's nothing you can do about that.

Thanks Locke. I was gonna say the same - I guess sometimes when you're hurt, it's easy to forget that people have sex drives and/or hearts like you do rather than just shallow, calculating brains. But I'm sorry someone was picked over you Eureka. I know that feel too(if not in a romantic sense).

 

[ShybutHi]

Don't worry Eureka and try not to get upset about the situation. I know this is sort of cliche, but, there will be others. For whatever reason it sounds like she is attracted to him more than you but to no fault of your own. While that sucks, it is a harsh reality that most women you are attracted to during your life time, you will not be with at any point.

Judging if someone likes you in that way is very difficult most of the time hence why so many people miss opportunities to be with someone they are attracted to. It seems most people are just not honest and/or blunt enough to let their true feelings be known whether due to insecurity, social situation etc.
This is especially true if it is someone who is already in a relationship, but has feelings for someone else!

I am 27 and have not been in a relationship, also 99% of my friends are in one or have been in multiple relationships... You are still young and the statistics for people your age who have not been in a relationship are actually fairly high, but due to your circumstances it can seem like you are totally in the minority. "Keep your chin up" as they say.

 

[Eureka7]

It was a bit of a chance that I decided to take, but I think my main problem was being hopeful. I know that kindness doesn't equal attraction , but I just couldn't help myself.

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Also, I'd like to apologize for any errors in grammer or spelling, I wrote this rather quickly.

 

[ShybutHi]

Yeah very true when you say kindness doesn't equal attraction. That is actually one thing that I think a lot of guys (especially the shy type of guy) have real problems with...
Most seem to be terrible at knowing when a woman is just being nice or is actually attracted and because they are shy they never make a move anyway so it is just one big fail. lol

 

[Eureka7]

Heh, you're right I guess But her touch just makes it worse, she still hugs me, smiles, etc. But seeing them still kind of feels like a punch in the gut (although that would be a lot easier to deal with lol). I've tried steering clear of them, but then everyone gets worried and she starts to call me. I've tried excuses but those don't work either, asking her and him to lay off for awhile just seems to upset them, so I'm kind of stuck.

 

[murmi97]

It'd probably be beneficial to doorslam the both of them if they don't think your feelings are important enough to respect them. I wouldn't dare place my happiness over the pain of someone else, especially if I was in any way the cause of it. I may be biased, consideration for others having the place it does in encounters with even strangers in public I never talk to, but there are so many on the internet standing up for themselves similarly these days - you should try it too.