Uncomfortable Christmas Meal

[Serenia]

I have been invited to a works Christmas meal this week, with a small company with whom I have done some little bits of work for over the last year.

I really like the woman who owns the company, and almost all her employees. Anyway one of her employees I happen to have met last year through an open day, we seemed to get on well and started a friendship. After about six months I noticed she had started to be bitchy about some of her colleagues, she also mentioned that she regularly ignored texts from these women and seemed to get a kick out of them chasing her to see if she was ok. If she tried to draw me into being bitchy I would either say knock it off, or change the subject, these women are lovely.

Then this summer a few things happened that ripped her family apart and she was blamed for it, and she was mostly responsible. Anyway she leaned heavily on me and I didn't mind, I wanted to help. Anyway by the end of the summer she started getting her act together. At the beginning of September my depression reared its head and hit me like truck. I felt awful and it took tremedous effort to just get out of bed everyday. She fb messaged me one day asking me round for a brew and I said I really couldn't and explained how I was feeling. I didn't expect anything from her except a few friendly words. She responded oh that's e too bad, later she posted on facebook how no one is ever there for her. Then nothing from her for 6 weeks. She then asked if I was feeling better and would I like to go to an event. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and said I would get back to her the next day as I was awaiting an appointment to be rearranged. I let her know I could go, then nothing again, I had no details of the events the day came and went no word from her. After that I just cut my losses, she doesn't behave like a real friend.

I know she got the messages, from something someone else said. I am now faced with her at this meal. I feel wary, she has the ability to act sulky and very sour at times. I don't know what say to her and if she starts being childish I don't want her to ruin the meal for the others.

Any advice?

 

[TheRealCallie]

You don't have to say anything to her, really, but I would just say that it is neither the time nor the place to discuss matters and leave it at that.
Go and have a good time, don't let one person ruin things for you.

 

[SofiasMami]

I agree with Callie, you can go and still have a good time. Put on a friendly smile when you can and keep the conversation light with the other attendees. No need to be drawn into her drama - it's hers, you're not in it nor are you responsible for her behavior. Maybe stay away from the alcohol if it's served - I don't drink much and I tend to say loopy things on the rare occasions that I do.
Who knows, maybe you'll have a good time.

-Teresa

 

[jd7]

I'm no psychologist, but felt the need to chime in. She sounds like a sociopath or someone with borderline personality disorder (or both). Some of the behaviors you've described are seriously manipulative and antisocial. It's best to completely cut people like that from your life. Sorry for taking a tangent.

I have been invited to a works Christmas meal this week, with a small company with whom I have done some little bits of work for over the last year.

I really like the woman who owns the company, and almost all her employees. Anyway one of her employees I happen to have met last year through an open day, we seemed to get on well and started a friendship. After about six months I noticed she had started to be bitchy about some of her colleagues, she also mentioned that she regularly ignored texts from these women and seemed to get a kick out of them chasing her to see if she was ok. If she tried to draw me into being bitchy I would either say knock it off, or change the subject, these women are lovely.

Then this summer a few things happened that ripped her family apart and she was blamed for it, and she was mostly responsible. Anyway she leaned heavily on me and I didn't mind, I wanted to help. Anyway by the end of the summer she started getting her act together. At the beginning of September my depression reared its head and hit me like truck. I felt awful and it took tremedous effort to just get out of bed everyday. She fb messaged me one day asking me round for a brew and I said I really couldn't and explained how I was feeling. I didn't expect anything from her except a few friendly words. She responded oh that's e too bad, later she posted on facebook how no one is ever there for her. Then nothing from her for 6 weeks. She then asked if I was feeling better and would I like to go to an event. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and said I would get back to her the next day as I was awaiting an appointment to be rearranged. I let her know I could go, then nothing again, I had no details of the events the day came and went no word from her. After that I just cut my losses, she doesn't behave like a real friend.

I know she got the messages, from something someone else said. I am now faced with her at this meal. I feel wary, she has the ability to act sulky and very sour at times. I don't know what say to her and if she starts being childish I don't want her to ruin the meal for the others.

Any advice?

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with what the others here have advised. Let us know how it went afterwards.

 

[Serenia]

Thanks for the advice, I am looking forward to it mostly and like everyone else going. JD7 thats interesting thought I will read up on it. Funnily enough tonight she announced on fb that she is 20 weeks pregnant, so at least she will get plenty of attention and that will keep her busy.

 

[Cavey]

I'd just go to the meal and enjoy yourself. If you're faced with having to make conversation with her, just be civil and hope that she does the same in return. You don't have to be best friends or anything. Life is too short to miss out on what could be a fun gathering just because there's one person there who is objectionable.

 

[SophiaGrace]

she announced on fb that she is 20 weeks pregnant, so at least she will get plenty of attention and that will keep her busy.

Why do I want to say that she's probably lying about being 20 weeks pregnant? I hope I am wrong.

 

[Serenia]

^ Hmmm she didn't look it, but who knows?

The meal was really good fun, the way the table was and when we both got there we ended up next to each other. I smiled and said Hi, and she was all full of life, fake hugs and oh where have YOU been, I knew it was a dig with her tone and smirk, just thought well played, and chatted to everyone asking her the odd question. The others were their lovely selves and it was good fun, and thankfully I wont need to see her again until next Christmas possibly.

Thanks for all the advice.