Used to not being liked

[morrowrd]

Wondered if there were any other black sheep of society.  In my line of work, I am in charge of a building in a group of 5. I am the black-sheep supervisor. I hate meetings because they're all shams; fake handshakes, superficial chit-chat that I have no use for. I'm known for being blunt and saying the wrong thing because it's inappropriately honest.  My immediate co-worker, I've had working for me for 10 years. The BEST co worker I've ever had. I share with him everything, and at the meetings, I ignore the other supervisors, even my own. We just had a meeting last week of all staff, with a new motto about teamwork. I dismissed it all as sham, it was all such paid commercial quality it made me sick. My coworker friend and I were an island amongst ourselves except for a few retirees and one strong ally of mine. (who supervises a bigger building than mine) Then there's my family, I'm estranged, in all my adult life (I'm 51) I've been in and out of estrangements with them, friends, coworkers, etc.  I remember being a teenager agonizing over not being liked and one day I just accepted it. I remember telling myself, I'm better off as a loner, than having a frustrating group of so-called "friends. All my life, people tend to just not like me. So the result was I adjusted to just being alone. And after awhile I ended up liking being alone, with the exception of liking female companionship. All I need is that, and I'm good. 

Anyone else here feel the same?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm the black sheep in my family. So I know what that's like.

But, for the job. The teamwork motto is a sham, but isn't you and your coworker friend more or less a team?

 

[Ilvatresbien]

Hello Morrowrd!

I know how you feel. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I struggle trying to accept my estranged family and lack of close friendships. Whenever I do it just thrusts me into a depression. Trying to be social seems to alleviate the pain for those moments but it returns. Perhaps, accepting our circumstances but also still remaining hopeful and active will begin to transform our lives?

 

[morrowrd]

I'm the black sheep in my family.  So I know what that's like.  

But, for the job.  The teamwork motto is a sham, but isn't you and your coworker friend more or less a team?

We are a good team.  Watch each other's backs, and by doing that we are insulated from alot of the bs. I've worked here almost 30 years and in the last year, this place has really changed, not for the better. I would be screwed (and he would too) if we didn't have the relationship we have. I guess I'm lucky in that sense.

---

Hello Morrowrd!

I know how you feel. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I struggle trying to accept my estranged family and lack of close friendships. Whenever I do it just thrusts me into a depression. Trying to be social seems to alleviate the pain for those moments but it returns. Perhaps, accepting our circumstances but also still remaining hopeful and active will begin to transform our lives?

I tried to reach out from time to time, and regretted it. The estrangements lasted from a year or two, to the present reality of a decade. I'm wondering if the next time I see any siblings will be at the funerals.  This sounds probably bad, but I don't know if I'd even go to those at this point. Right before my dad passed away, somebody (nosy somebody) mentioned I needed to make things right with him.  I wasn't the one needing to do that, sometimes estrangements are a good thing. However, HE contacted me shortly thereafter, and we did make things right.  He was diagnosed with leukemia later that same year...we talked about all the estrangements and how unfortunate it was. My dad was my only real link to the rest of the family. After he passed, the misunderstandings and resentments came out and all of them believe me to be an angry man. I'm not, they are remembering the angry teenager I was, who left home at 15.  Long story...but the point is, that pattern of not being liked isn't within just the boundaries of family, it's other areas.

I guess I have decided to just live out my life reclusively, within strict boundaries. I have been pretty lucky in my love life, and so my homelife is really my everything. I pretty much ignore the rest of the world.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I'm the black sheep. At work. With the family. Around the neighbors. Etc. Always have been. Always will be. The formula is a mismatch between confidence and charisma.

 

[hye345]

I definitely understand where you are coming from. Throughout high school, college and grad school, I definitely had stretches of time where I felt like a black sheep in a metaphorical sea of whites. Most of the time (especially in later years) it wasn't overt dislike, but just lack of interest in getting to know me. It really does make one cynical and possibly insecure towards other people. Even now, where I'm lucky enough to have found a niche of friends in a new city, I still get feelings of inferiority whenever a text is ignored, or invite snubbed. Logically, I know that there is probably no malice behind it, that it was just a lapse in judgement or whatnot, but emotionally, it still pulls from somewhere deep inside.

 

[michael2]

Black sheep here, too.

The 'problem' stems back to being alone and largely rejected by my peers throughout childhood.  Because of that I developed a personality that simply does not 'mesh' with people who have had 'healthy' social relationships throughout their life.  I never learned how to be 'in the know' and follow all the latest social trends, styles, etc.  I've found that Im only truly capable of conversation and friendship with other black sheep, aka outcasts, misfits, whatever you want to call it.

As a black sheep, I simply dont fit in.  For example my clothing style is completely original - and I know it turns people off.  No, I dont dress like a hipster or anything, because hipster is about belonging to a group when my stlye is unique and is not based on trying to fit in to anything or intentionally look different, same thing with goth and other such genres, they are not unique, they are genres people aim for because they want to fit in somewhere.   My style is unique to me and expresses who I am, and I feel because people cant put me into a group they reject me because they couldnt put me in a box.  If I wore, lets say distressed jeans, Vans shoes, and a faded untucked t-shirt like 90% of the current male population Im sure people would be more open to me because I look like something they are familiar with.

Again the only people who have ever shown me any real attention have been other black sheeps, misfits, and outcasts.  These people usually spent large portions of their life alone developing their own unique tastes and habits, and thus they freely embrace others who show similar traits.  

Sometimes being a blacksheep can feel like a curse, but we really should embrace it and be proud of it.  Ive said so many times I wish I were like other people, because I know it would mean more friends, more job opportunities, more lots of things.  Its normal to feel that way because as a black sheep society WILL reject you.  But fight against the tide and be proud of who you are,  someone who stands out as different.  Be proud of being a black sheep and Im sure some white sheep will admire us for it.

 

[constant stranger]

Not sure if black sheep is quite the right term for me, but misfit sure is. I've never fit in anywhere I've lived. In the family I was the youngest and the caregiver for our borderline mentally ill mood disordered mother. Two older brothers and my dad didn't mind me being the one who babysat mom's depressions and then held her manic phases in check.....but they despised me for it anyway.
At work I was the university educated blue collar carpenter....misfit.
At clan gatherings I was the blue collar worker in a family of professionals...misfit.
I was a 3rd culture kid.....born and raised outside my own country, hence a misfit when the family moved back here.
Now I'm aging, never married, no children, no real career and still caring for my (now terminal) mother.....hence I'm the child/man/aging adolescent.....misfit.
I live on our property in rural mid-west USA farm country but I still feel like the uprooted Hong Konger gweilo boy....misfit.
People still say I speak with an odd accent.....Canadian? Australian? English? No.....Hong Kong. Really? Where's that? Japan? You don't sound Japanese.......
Ignorant yokels.

 

[sbm1990]

Join the club, Im a hardcore black sheep myself.

I feel like Ive been a loner all my life. Ive gotten used to it over the years. I guess most people will hate you for being a furry.

As far as the need for female companionship goes, I've had a few ex girlfriends before, none of them worked out, either because they were either psycho or promiscuious, and I aint settling for someone who will make my life a living hell. Nowadays, I have my own little way of handling the need for female companionship. You wouldn't wanna know so Im not telling, granted its nothing illegal or that involves unwilling victims, (personally if you ask me, pedophiles and zoophiles are the scum of the earth.) However, its a lifestyle that most normies consider too taboo so Ill leave it at that.

 

[morrowrd]

I see most who replied have similar issues, especially with family.  I only just started communicating with my mom again, after a three year silence.  She has stated she likes phone calls and emails....I will only communicate once per month via "old fashioned" postal service. She has replied letter for letter, this has been going on since November. She lives two hours away, and it is taking everything in me to visit in person, I prefer the estrangement, and I will not email her. There is too much of a pattern of when there is too much communication, there's miscommunication and someone gets offended, over nothing. Then I leave them alone for a few years before maybe trying again.

The deviant "girl time" arouses my curiosity, but not enough to offend anyone by asking to elaborate. If you're not breaking the law, and it takes the edge off, I doubt it's anything really "bad."

 

[morrowrd]

I think because of my younger days, finding out that you're a laughing stock, (remember the saying usually to the class clown-type personalities of "they're laughing at you, not with you?")  Years of that kind of behavior caused me to reform myself, I withdrew from everyone and worked on life-systems, methods of behavior and communication to replace the way I was. I was 26 at the time, and at 41, I emerged from all that in much better shape. (I am now 51, so in the big scheme of life, I haven't been put together all that long) I was very alone, but I was strong, credible, and my life was where it should be.  A long story, that would be paragraphs and maybe at some point if it fits into anything here, I'll share some of it.  I was clueless about interpreting communication, and communicating myself. I compensated the wrong way, and dealt with alot of shame as a result of that, thus the motivation to "fix things."  The rewards outweighed the consequences, for doing what I did.  And even now in my "put-together" state, people tend to automatically not like me, even when they don't know me. I've become used to it and dismiss that type of thing as a part of who I am.