ActingRogue
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- Oct 16, 2010
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I consider myself a really strong person, but I'm at a very low point in my life.
I come from a small town and I am an only child. I moved away to go to college and came back for one year so I could save money to move to Los Angeles and pursue my dream of acting. It was a terrible year. The economy made it impossible to find a job, especially living an hour from the nearest city, and when I did find jobs , I made no money or the places closed down shortly after. Regardless, I made it to LA. I've been living there the past two year and really came into myself. I am very close with my parents, but they are both very antisocial people and I had assumed I was as well until I made amazing friends in LA, and I realized I'm actually a very outgoing person.
But it got to the point where I was working dead-end jobs (I'm a very ambitious person, so that alone took it's toll on me) and not getting any acting work even though I made major connections. I was also slowly falling into debt. I decided to leave LA, pay off my debt, and go to Grad School. I have been living with my parents in my small hometown now for two weeks and I am miserable. I don't think leaving LA was the wrong thing to do, but acting really was my dream. It's all I've ever wanted to do with my life, and I've abandoned my dream at the age of 25 (just had a birthday, which didn't help). I feel like a failure and worthless. I don't know anyone in the state anymore, and it's still hard to find a job, so I have no way of meeting anyone new. I can't really afford to do things until I find a source of income.
My parents love me very much, and I them, but we are very different people and have lived very different lives. They do anything in their power to support me, and I'm very lucky, but in this situation they simply can't. What I'm going through is a blind spot for them, and they just have no way of understanding no matter how much I try to explain.
My whole life people have told me I'm smart, talented, and special. That I had a bright future and could do almost anything I wanted to. And I believed them. But now I feel like I've already failed at life. I'm reluctant to even try anything else, becasue honestly, my heart is broken. I feel broken. Maybe no matter how hard I try, I'll just live a lifetime of failure and end up poor and alone with nothing to point to and be proud of.
Thanks for reading. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I wanted to get it out, even if it's just in binary somewhere.
I come from a small town and I am an only child. I moved away to go to college and came back for one year so I could save money to move to Los Angeles and pursue my dream of acting. It was a terrible year. The economy made it impossible to find a job, especially living an hour from the nearest city, and when I did find jobs , I made no money or the places closed down shortly after. Regardless, I made it to LA. I've been living there the past two year and really came into myself. I am very close with my parents, but they are both very antisocial people and I had assumed I was as well until I made amazing friends in LA, and I realized I'm actually a very outgoing person.
But it got to the point where I was working dead-end jobs (I'm a very ambitious person, so that alone took it's toll on me) and not getting any acting work even though I made major connections. I was also slowly falling into debt. I decided to leave LA, pay off my debt, and go to Grad School. I have been living with my parents in my small hometown now for two weeks and I am miserable. I don't think leaving LA was the wrong thing to do, but acting really was my dream. It's all I've ever wanted to do with my life, and I've abandoned my dream at the age of 25 (just had a birthday, which didn't help). I feel like a failure and worthless. I don't know anyone in the state anymore, and it's still hard to find a job, so I have no way of meeting anyone new. I can't really afford to do things until I find a source of income.
My parents love me very much, and I them, but we are very different people and have lived very different lives. They do anything in their power to support me, and I'm very lucky, but in this situation they simply can't. What I'm going through is a blind spot for them, and they just have no way of understanding no matter how much I try to explain.
My whole life people have told me I'm smart, talented, and special. That I had a bright future and could do almost anything I wanted to. And I believed them. But now I feel like I've already failed at life. I'm reluctant to even try anything else, becasue honestly, my heart is broken. I feel broken. Maybe no matter how hard I try, I'll just live a lifetime of failure and end up poor and alone with nothing to point to and be proud of.
Thanks for reading. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I wanted to get it out, even if it's just in binary somewhere.