Jefferson'sNightmare
New member
So it's been just about two years now since me and the mother of my child separated. The fault for our separation lies on us both and we'll both have to answer to our daughter for it in the future, but moving on. When we left each other she seemed to take part of me with her, a part of me that I have yet to get back. I did truly love her and so many people say "You don't know what love is." but I think the truth of the matter is that love is relative. I know what I felt and I never had a back up plan because I never thought I needed one. She was my lover, my partner, my best friend, my soul mate. So when it happened I imploded for lack of a better word. Though in doing so I discovered so much about myself and the world around me.
I guess you can say I'm a skeptic, but it wasn't always this way. I used to be perfectly content just accepting most of what was said to be true. I wouldn't say I was scared to the wolf-in-sheep's clothing for the first time, but it certainly made me angry. I reached out to my friends and tried to explain to them that we were being lied to, that we were being messed with. I was almost completely disregarded on all accounts even as I was able to provide fact to back up my claims. I was dismissed, by people who I once thought were close friends, as nuts.
Now I feel more alone than I ever have. I know what the right thing to do is, but I can't do it. I look into my daughter's eyes everyday and I know that I've already let her down. I've trapped her in a superficial, stressful society on the verge of complete and utter collapse because it's too busy to pay attention. And I search for like minded people because I know that they are out there, but I never find anyone. I just need someone to talk too I guess. I haven't had a heart-to-heart conversation with anyone since my daughter's mother and I separated. And it's not like I haven't dated since then either. It's just I never have anything in common with the person I date and things never work out.
It's just not fun to have to spend these beautiful summer nights alone especially when I can be enjoying them, but I just can't find anyone who I can really connect with.
I guess you can say I'm a skeptic, but it wasn't always this way. I used to be perfectly content just accepting most of what was said to be true. I wouldn't say I was scared to the wolf-in-sheep's clothing for the first time, but it certainly made me angry. I reached out to my friends and tried to explain to them that we were being lied to, that we were being messed with. I was almost completely disregarded on all accounts even as I was able to provide fact to back up my claims. I was dismissed, by people who I once thought were close friends, as nuts.
Now I feel more alone than I ever have. I know what the right thing to do is, but I can't do it. I look into my daughter's eyes everyday and I know that I've already let her down. I've trapped her in a superficial, stressful society on the verge of complete and utter collapse because it's too busy to pay attention. And I search for like minded people because I know that they are out there, but I never find anyone. I just need someone to talk too I guess. I haven't had a heart-to-heart conversation with anyone since my daughter's mother and I separated. And it's not like I haven't dated since then either. It's just I never have anything in common with the person I date and things never work out.
It's just not fun to have to spend these beautiful summer nights alone especially when I can be enjoying them, but I just can't find anyone who I can really connect with.
