What dating a woman has taught me

[CenotaphGirl]

So dating a woman for the first time taught me... NOTHINGGG omg, I thought I was going to leave the date, revitalised with answers.
I got nothing, I just got nothing. It's complicated, I enjoyed myself but in all honesty I struggled to see a future
Only because my future dreams always had motherhood in it. But as for the here and now... the date went well...

The other woman was way taller than me, made me feel super cute, blonde and ate as much as I remembered my ex eating.
athletic build, blueeeeeee eyes and yes there was a huge issue... 1 big issue... I felt kinda annoyed the whole time.
I wasn't well so there was that but also because I felt so angry at myself for constantly comparing everything she did to a man.
I dont know how to stop... how to stop wanting her to be a man but not a man.

So I have been keeping in contact with her and last night she asked me for a second date and I will but haven't yet... decline I think...
Why? I dont know... am I self sabotaging, am I just so angry at men I cant think straight? I just dont know whats wrong with me,
Date, went well, she is better looking than me by maybe a point... and treats me like "girly" which I like.
Eh I am just too complicated, I deserve to be alone lol

 

[insecure]

Ah, I didn't know you were bisexual.
If you are that 's perfectly OK of course.
I just hope you're not dating women as a kind of revenge on men, because the previous male treated you badly.
I don't believe one can choose to whom or to which gender one is attracted to.
If you compare everything she has to a man, then maybe you are not really into women.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ah, I didn't know you were bisexual.
If you are that 's perfectly OK of course.
I just hope you're not dating women as a kind of revenge on men, because the previous male treated you badly.
I don't believe one can choose to whom or to which gender one is attracted to.
If you compare everything she has to a man, then maybe you are not really into women.

I don't know if I am comfortable being called bi just yet still questioning I suppose.
But no, I don't think this is a revenge thing, its just me seeing what works and what don't thing.
I don't know why people keep saying this choosing thing to me, maybe you cant choose, there's nothing wrong with that.
Also nothing wrong with me being able to make choices either. Maybe it's not a choice and my attractions have naturally changed and evolved I dont know. I don't really want to talk about choices yet everyone keeps mentioning it to me for reasons unclear.

I have never taken the time to explore this side of me, but I like masculine traits on a woman, and thats actually very common from what I have been exposed to so far. Even in gay male relationships some of them call it king and queen, because preferring feminine mannerisms in a man doesn't make them straight. It's all so complicated, but what is more complicated is navigating it for the first time.

 

[insecure]

I don't know if I am comfortable being called bi just yet still questioning I suppose.
But no, I don't think this is a revenge thing, its just me seeing what works and what don't thing.
I don't know why people keep saying this choosing thing to me, maybe you cant choose, there's nothing wrong with that.
Also nothing wrong with me being able to make choices either. Maybe it's not a choice and my attractions have naturally changed and evolved I dont know. I don't really want to talk about choices yet everyone keeps mentioning it to me for reasons unclear.

I have never taken the time to explore this side of me, but I like masculine traits on a woman, and thats actually very common from what I have been exposed to so far. Even in gay male relationships some of them call it king and queen, because preferring feminine mannerisms in a man doesn't make them straight. It's all so complicated, but what is more complicated is navigating it for the first time.

I mention this "choice" or not thing, because by religious fanatics and people who generally don't accept bisexuality, homosexuality, etc., they use this as an argument.
They pretend it's like some kind of a choice, so you 'just' have to make the right 'choice', or you can simply change that 'choice' by doing a kind of 'conversion therapy'.
That's why for me it is important, in a society that perfectly embraces most kinds of sexuality that would only be a side thought.

I just thought that maybe you saw it as some kind of revenge because you were treated badly by a man before, but kept comparing this beautiful woman to a man the whole time.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I mention this "choice" or not thing, because by religious fanatics and people who generally don't accept bisexuality, homosexuality, etc., they use this as an argument.
They pretend it's like some kind of a choice, so you 'just' have to make the right 'choice', or you can simply change that 'choice' by doing a kind of 'conversion therapy'.
That's why for me it is important, in a society that perfectly embraces most kinds of sexuality that would only be a side thought.

I just thought that maybe you saw it as some kind of revenge because you were treated badly by a man before, but kept comparing this beautiful woman to a man the whole time.

oh okay it was starting to annoy me because I wasnt sure why people keep saying it when it has little to do with anything I am talking about.

Even if it was a choice for everyone, which I am sure its not, I’d support everyone to make it.

Noo I dont see it that way, revenge would be dating his brother and as tempting as that is… I refuse

 

[ardour]

Clearly you're the haven't found the right man yet kind of bi woman. (/s if you hadn't guessed.)

 

[user 135671]

Dating women has taught me loads, mostly it's taught me some women can be very naughty

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Dating women has taught me loads, mostly it's taught me some women can be very naughty

I prefer the term freaky joking joking but idk I thought I was getting the answer to every question I have maybe my expectations were unrealistic

 

[insecure]

Watching horror movies is always a good preparation before going on a blind date.

 

[TheSkaFish]

My serious opinion is, from the sounds of it, I feel like you're not really into women, are are still feeling a lot of things from the bad experience with your ex.

I think you still want a guy, but it's going to be hard to find one that meets your criteria - someone who has the means you're looking for/are accustomed to, but doesn't let it get to his head to the point that he feels it is his right to control you.

I understand that you want someone who can offer you the life that you feel is "normal" to you - I don't think it's wrong, and I think most people want that, I think it's natural. We want to be with people we relate to, feel similar to - people we see some part of ourselves in. But I think the kind of person you're looking for is really rare cause it's almost like, a contradiction. Or literally, a fairy-tale character, an actual Prince Charming. Usually when people are really successful, they are also raging egomaniacs that think they should be able to control everyone else in their lives, it usually goes hand in hand. It's hard to find someone who is self-aware enough not to be that way.

I would say, again, take a break from dating, and use that break time to get really specific on what you want. Then try again when you feel like you're in a better place.

And it's not that I'm telling you this or that...just my opinions.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Watching horror movies is always a good preparation before going on a blind date.

Why is Netflix Dahmer coming to mind

My serious opinion is, from the sounds of it, I feel like you're not really into women, are are still feeling a lot of things from the bad experience with your ex.

I think you still want a guy, but it's going to be hard to find one that meets your criteria - someone who has the means you're looking for/are accustomed to, but doesn't let it get to his head to the point that he feels it is his right to control you.

I understand that you want someone who can offer you the life that you feel is "normal" to you - I don't think it's wrong, and I think most people want that, I think it's natural. We want to be with people we relate to, feel similar to - people we see some part of ourselves in. But I think the kind of person you're looking for is really rare cause it's almost like, a contradiction. Or literally, a fairy-tale character, an actual Prince Charming. Usually when people are really successful, they are also raging egomaniacs that think they should be able to control everyone else in their lives, it usually goes hand in hand. It's hard to find someone who is self-aware enough not to be that way.

I would say, again, take a break from dating, and use that break time to get really specific on what you want. Then try again when you feel like you're in a better place.

And it's not that I'm telling you this or that...just my opinions.

Yeah I am just exploring my preferences I have no clue what im into ska, im deffo not doing anything too serious just light dating to work out what i want.

Means wise, it doesn't work dating a guy who hasn’t got the same lifestyle as me, I feel guilty doing things I like when I know he can barely afford to pay for his essentials, you know?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Yeah I am just exploring my preferences I have no clue what im into ska, im deffo not doing anything too serious just light dating to work out what i want.

Means wise, it doesn't work dating a guy who hasn’t got the same lifestyle as me, I feel guilty doing things I like when I know he can barely afford to pay for his essentials, you know?

Yeah I was just throwing guesses out there. That's just how it seems to me, is all.

And I get what you mean about lifestyle. You shouldn't be in a situation where you feel guilty doing the things you like, because it's like, not being the real you, trying to make yourself something you're not, making yourself not have fun. It's just kind of wasting your time doing something you know won't make you happy. It's a compatibility issue, I get that.

Anyway. Hope it all works out either way. I think things will work out for you, it just might take a little time.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yeah I was just throwing guesses out there. That's just how it seems to me, is all.

And I get what you mean about lifestyle. You shouldn't be in a situation where you feel guilty doing the things you like, because it's like, not being the real you, trying to make yourself something you're not, making yourself not have fun. It's just kind of wasting your time doing something you know won't make you happy. It's a compatibility issue, I get that.

Anyway. Hope it all works out either way. I think things will work out for you, it just might take a little time.

Thanks Ska my darlingggg you are a superstar I cant wait to meet your future Mrs Skafishyyy one dayy

 

[Xpendable]

who paid the bill?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

who paid the bill?

She paid but I got her an uber home

 

[4No1]

Well, I don't have a lot of experience in dating, but IMO it sounds like you are a little bit dissapointed. So maybe you are not bi?
I also think maybe you need some time for recovery? I dunno of course.

P. S.
One of my friends told me once, she'd like to date a woman because she was fed up with men. She told me, that she thought she was bi and what advantages it could have and even scared me a little bit)
I don't t know if she's tried it but now she is married a man and they have a baby.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, I don't have a lot of experience in dating, but IMO it sounds like you are a little bit dissapointed. So maybe you are not bi?
I also think maybe you need some time for recovery? I dunno of course.

P. S.
One of my friends told me once, she'd like to date a woman because she was fed up with men. She told me, that she thought she was bi and what advantages it could have and even scared me a little bit)
I don't t know if she's tried it but now she is married a man and they have a baby.

Yeah not sure why im disappointed when everything went well maybe im just too insane for anyone too picky… idk I still havent declined but I knoww I should

Thats so interesting, and awhh congrats on her baba, I am not sure if I can ever deal with a man again, like I just dont know if I can I am so off them

 

[Finished]

IMO, Cen wants a guy that doesn't exist. I see she is figuring out that a women doesn't replace the man that doesn't exist either.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

IMO, Cen wants a guy that doesn't exist. I see she is figuring out that a women doesn't replace the man that doesn't exist either.

He did exist, once a zillion years ago

 

[4No1]

I am not sure if I can ever deal with a man again, like I just dont know if I can I am so off them

Well maybe just give it som time? Not all of them are nuts. I still believe in it