What does an owner look like?

[Restless soul]

Wasn't sure what category to put this one in. But I will
Get right to explaining the odd thread subject. Ok so I tend to spend an inordinate amount of time at this particular dunkin donuts. Due to many of the reasons that are discussed on this forum. I guess I like this one, the staff..etc..they got to know me. Anyway, not really a healthy way to spend so many hours but it's a place to sit. Oh, a little about me. I am male, 37, white. Look younger than my age. That might be helpful when getting to the rest of story. Anyway, so today at some point a woman comes in, I would say 40s. And sees me sitting there and she might have seen me previously a different day. And before she leaves, she asks. .....
" are you the owner?" And of course someone like me which I tend to do I blow the whole thing out of proportion and took it as some slight, and just some random weird question. I don't think I gave off the impression of being an owner, fit the profile. I am wearing a t-shirt and shorts?? I mean just threw me off.

But here is where is gets worse. I decide to start interviewing random folks. You know, asking them if they would believe I was the owner of this store. Just wanted some opinions, and most were cool and friendly. So where does it get bad you ask? Well this one guy comes into the store young guy kinda cocky with his hot girlfriend. I didn't think much of him at first here I am asking an innocent question. Which I did ask.
If I told you I owned this store would you believe it? To which he replies, which I felt was a condescending manner. "No you dont have the confidence?" What the **** kind of answer is that? To say to someone who is asking you about looks. Not about confidence. And yeah, doesn't it take a degree of confidence to ask a smug looking guy like this a totally random question?

Just venting here, what do you guys make of the situation?? Would you be taken aback by that guys assessment about me? Or you

 

[Mick Travis]

Please don't worry about others putting on an act. They do that because they think it gets them ahead in the rat race. Someday they'll get tired of acting and wonder what happened to their lives.

 

[Restless soul]

You mean the guy who said he didn't think i had confidence to be the owner? I mean I didn't think I fit the profile of owner for various reasons. But everyone else I asked was like why not, sure. I personally don't think I do and maybe by asking a random guy the question sets me up for being unsure. And for him to say that. Regardless is comes off just being rude kinda. I actually don't want to look like the owner which is ok. I opened myself up for critical answers by asking. But like if someone said.

" You look too young. Or dressed way too casual. That is cool. Because I agree. But saying no confidence. Seemd like a cheap shot for no reason. And I don't even agree. Confidence is something that can come and go. And you can even put on.

 

[Jōkā]

According to what you wrote you asked him.

If I told you I owned this store would you believe it?

This mentions nothing about looks, so his assessment of your confidence was a valid response.

To your second question, no I wouldn't be taken aback, it was his opinion and just that his opinion, also a trait of confident people is that they do not believe that every little thing said or done is a slight or an attack against them, and even when the insult is obvious they can brush it off.

 

[Restless soul]

Ok. So i guess I might have confidence issue. I am on the right site. But at that particular moment I didn't think I was
Portraying such low confidence in the way I asked him the question. I actually thought the opposite.

 

[Mick Travis]

Why would you want people to perceive you as an owner of a doughnut joint?

This is the last person I want to be.

 

[ardour]

The perception of whether or not he's successful I suppose.

Owner/managers tend to be confident, verging on rude and abrasive because that's the way the have to be to deal with staff. You might not have given off that aura, but that doesn't mean you're particularly lacking in confidence either. After all, you had the gumption to ask complete strangers a really odd sort of question.

 

[Paraiyar]

I would be grateful. That guy was willing to give you an honest assessment when many wouldn't out of politeness. Maybe you can think over what he said and see if you can see where he was coming from and try to work on things from there.

 

[TheSkaFish]

From what I gather, maybe people thought you were the owner because you spend so much time there and they usually see you in there when they go. I don't think there is one way that owners look, I think it depends on the business they own and the individual's taste. I would guess most would opt for something fancy and expensive, but it's probably not like that all the time.

As for the guy, yeah, that was rude but I also feel that he said it because it's a somewhat un-confident question to ask. The reason for that is because it's a question about image, about others' perception of you - asking someone about your image tends to make you look un-confident. Does it really matter to you if you look like the owner or not?

Does this make sense? It's just my guess.

PS - about the smug guy, I just don't get it. I don't understand what girls see in them, I don't see how they think guys like that are pleasant to spend time around. And I don't get why any guy would want to make that his personality. It's proven to get girls, but I don't see how it's worth the cost of being such a negative person. It feels like it would be so tiring to be a smug, cocky jerk prancing around like he is king of the world all the time.

 

[Restless soul]

@skafish. I guess you are right. The question in itself
Came off as not being confident. And looking like the owner I don't know. I tend to put a negative spin on things with me. If I really had to really think about why she would think that. I would have to say it was my seating poaition towards the workers area. None the less. I don't know why I took it in an annoying way when she said it

 

[Restless soul]

Right. The guy having a girl that didn't even bother me so much. Besides for his comment. I think there are just as many normal, down to earth chilled guys I see with girls.
That just made him seem a bit more like a prick.

 

[Restless soul]

Why would you want people to perceive you as an owner of a doughnut joint?

This is the last person I want to be.

Well...not a bad gig if I was indeed the actual owner.
As opposed to being unemployed which I am.
Now if i want to put my own positive twist. At least I don't look like a homeless guy who spends too much time there. Right??

 

[TheSkaFish]

Right. The guy having a girl that didn't even bother me so much. Besides for his comment. I think there are just as many normal, down to earth chilled guys I see with girls.
That just made him seem a bit more like a prick.

No, I get that. I just added my own side comments on that matter. I didn't intend to derail your topic.

 

[Restless soul]

The perception of whether or not he's successful I suppose.

Owner/managers tend to be confident, verging on rude and abrasive because that's the way the have to be to deal with staff. You might not have given off that aura, but that doesn't mean you're particularly lacking in confidence either. After all, you had the gumption to ask complete strangers a really odd sort of question.

Exaclty. And I wanted to tell him that. Hey I had the nerve to ask a jerk like you

 

[Restless soul]

No worries ska.

 

[Restless soul]

The loneliest and Isolation definitely took it toll this
Summer. More so than others. This topic can easly have
Been tied into the self-esteem thread. Depression thread.
They are all so related themes. This one seems to be the most popular